Suburban Oblivion Comes Out of the Darkness

Paul and I had a discussion recently about my blogging, or to be more truthful, my lack of blogging. For the longest time I hated my blog. The thought of opening the text editor made me both angry and somewhat panicky, because I had to be so incredibly careful about every word I said, knowing it would all be fodder for court. Emotionally I was incredibly angry and resentful of the things going on around me, and it was out of that darkness that my last theme was developed. Paul did a great job of turning out a beautiful theme, but we recently realized that where my blog was and where I am were no longer in sync.

As I look around my blog today I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Lighter, more airy, less clutter, less crap. Much like real life for me these days.

Things are not what I would call anywhere near ‘settled’, but for now there is at least a sense of security that I was missing for the better part of the last 2 years. I can finally breathe easier, and that feeling of constantly worrying and waiting for the next shit-storm is easing off ever so slightly.

Not content to just wait for the effects of The World’s Worst Divorce. Ever. to wear off, I have decided to make the changes I want a very conscious choice, carried out by action rather than reaction. I’m working on not dwelling on the divorce so much, although I still maintain that anyone who has been as deceitful and vindictive as my ex is due for a whopping dose of Karma-times-infinity. (Then again maybe that’s exactly *why* he got the visit from the herpes fairy, she was filling in for Karma that day.) I know, I know, I said trying to work on it. Slow process.

I came back from my recent trip to Virginia happier than I’d been in ages, and with a strong desire to revamp my blog and start fresh with it. I didn’t want to get rid of my old content, but I did want to change my focus to the road of self-discovery I am on, rather than the hell and back I have been to previously. Paul worked out a way to do all that by archiving my old content, and clearing out my categories so that what is on the main page will be new stuff instead of old. (He’s so smart sometimes!) I decided clean and simple was the way to go, so I dumped the tag cloud, lifestream and other non-essentials and stuck with links to just a few networking sites.

Now that my blog is cleaner and more focused, I can finally get back to basics with my writing as well. My focus for 2010 is to start experiencing all that life has to offer, and to learn to not take myself so seriously in the process. I want to let my inner child out to play again, and re-discover the world through her eyes. I’ve had far too much darkness in my life over the last two years, it’s time to learn to laugh again, even if it’s just at myself.

saragoofykid
Sara, hamming it up at age 3.

18 thoughts on “Suburban Oblivion Comes Out of the Darkness

  1. Welcome back to blogging Sara. I’m glad you once again have an outlet for your thoughts and feelings and the freedom to actually do it ๐Ÿ™‚

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  2. Yay! It looks fabulous! I think it’s great, and that little pop up sharing thing at the bottom of your post is uber-cute. Looking forward to reading what you write this year!

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  3. Good for you! I agree, it is definitely time to get on with your life. Not that you haven’t been, but I know it’s been hard having to censor your writing and wait for things to fall into place.

    I love the new site look! I am currently setting up a new domain, with a new identity and everything. I have my old blog content and I am sure I will move some of it over eventually, but for now I think a fresh start would do me good as well.

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  4. I love this (having just gone through the World’s Worst Divorce II) – Blogging, to me, was something that scared the crap out of me – it was used against me and it made me feel that my own words were violated – just something to be avoided. I started blogging again a few weeks ago – It is so nice to know I am not alone out there…

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  5. I haven’t visited your website in a good while, and I love the new look. Nice and airy. Reminds me of one of them brown paper grocery bags from Delchamps I used to cut holes in and wear as a kid.

    Happy memories.

    Anyway, I can completely sympathise; sometimes holding back and blogging is an impossible mix. Good on you to start back up. You’re good at it, it’s good for you and gosh darn it, you’re good at it. Congratulations for finding your way back, Sara.

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