Do I Smack Him on the Nose With a Newspaper or Call a Locksmith?

I wrote last week about the court stuff, how my ex tried to get me kicked out of the house and failed.  If you haven’t read it, do, because it’s important.

Done? Cool.

Losing in that hearing put him in a mood. A VERY bad mood. The kind of  “Oh yeah? I’ll show you!” mood that leads him to do stupid things like continue to sue me for the herpes he’s got but I don’t have. This time was no exception.

When shit hit the fan last year, I immediately moved out of the master bedroom. When he was still living here, he slept in that room, and I took to the couch in what used to be the playroom, but is now just my room. After he moved out, I stayed in here instead of taking over the master bedroom. Why? I think mostly because I have a court order saying he is not allowed in my room under any circumstances, and I could see moving into that room and him declaring that that’s not what the court said was safe and all my shit disappearing. Once this hearing was over I put a key lock on my bedroom door and settled in, as our next hearing date isn’t until October.

This isn’t to say the master bedroom sits unused. While he moved most of his stuff out with him, there are still things belonging to both of us in there. We kept most of our books on a large bookshelf in that room, there is a safe in the closet where we keep important papers, all the manuals to the household electronics are in the closet, etc etc.

And then there’s the tub.

One of the few things I love and will miss about this house is the large jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. While I generally stayed out of ‘his’ room after he left, I did start using the tub again. Taking a long bath in a jacuzzi tub is just one of those small pleasures I get anymore, and I enjoyed it.

I’m sure you see where this is going.

A few days ago I went to get a cookbook off of the bookshelf where we keep them in the master bedroom, only to find a surprise- he’d put a lock on the master bedroom door. The kind of lock that requires a key.


I immediately shot him an email telling him he had no legal right to lock me out of a room in our house that he no longer lives in and that I expect either the lock to be removed, or a copy of the key handed over. I also said I needed a key to the shed, which he has also kept me locked out of for months now. (Why? I have no idea.)  His reply:

I will move any of your books from my bedroom. After that you would
have no reason to be in that room since it contains my personal effects, not
yours. You moved yours out over a year ago. The house is still my house
also. If you force entry into that room it will be brought up in court. You
have your room with your personal things with a lock on them and I am fine
with that. I do not trust you not to damage, steal or destroy my belongings
and therefore do not want you with access to them. It is still my house and
I am not removing all of my belongings and I have a reasonable right to
privacy for them.
As far as the shed goes, just tell me what basic tools you need
access to and I will have some brought into the house. If you feel you are
capable of needing access to all of them then you are saying you are capable
of maintaining the entire house and you can then do any and all repairs as
well as maintain the yard.

So just to recap, immediately after losing the case to get me kicked out of the house, and FOUR MONTHS after he moves out, and nowhere in that time is his bedroom door locked and nothing has disappeared, he is suddenly concerned I am going to barge in and steal what little crap he has left here.

Hey, I never claimed to understand his logic.

I emailed him back and told him I still have every right to use that tub, and that we still have things belonging to both of us in that bedroom, including a safe with legal documents and some other household items, and he has until Sunday to either remove the lock or hand over a key. His response was to come over, pull some cookbooks off the shelf, and leave them on the kitchen counter, locking the door again behind him.

In short, a great big “fuck you”.

I’m curious how teh interwebs would handle this one.

16 thoughts on “Do I Smack Him on the Nose With a Newspaper or Call a Locksmith?

  1. I would probably hide his body in a very deep hole in a very remote part of the woods with a very deep layer of lye to tuck him in with.

    You have a court order saying he's not allowed in your room… does he have something like that for you? If not, I'd think the master bedroom is still fair game. And if you have to get that lock removed — professionally, so as to avoid any imagined scenarios — I wonder if it could be said that he was, in fact, denying you access to some of your belongings.

    I know fuck all about legal proceedings, save for the few that occurred during my parents' rather nasty divorce, but I really and truly don't see how he has any right to keep you out of the master bedroom, especially if your belongings are still in there. He shouldn't get to say what is rightfully yours and what is not.


    1. That's exactly the point. There is no order against me as far as use of any rooms, only him. I've told him if he wants to move *his* stuff to another room and lock it I am fine with that, but he ignores that offer. This is nothing but a big FU towards me because he's pissy he lost the court case.


  2. I wonder if there's any way to get that in writing? When a friend of mine was going through her divorce, she tried to get as much of it via e-mail as possible. Sure enough, her idiot husband tried changing his stories but she had the e-mails as documentation.

    Of course, your ex sounds like the kind of person who would dodge around that.

    I think you should remove the lock then. If he brings it up in court, you can just reiterate that particular point. A professional locksmith will enforce the fact that you aren't crazy (in case he tries saying you broke the lock in a fit of rage or something stupid) and hell, maybe having a witness oversee what you're removing isn't a bad idea; when my dad took stuff out of the house, he brought a cop with him for that very reason. (My mom was a little, ah, hormonally imbalanced at the time so anything was possible.)

    And seriously, a big WHATEVER to him. Apparently, herpes makes people grumpy. I wonder if that's an official symptom.


  3. It seems unfortunate, but likely that your only recourse is to hit him on the nose… not with a newspaper… but with an order from a judge. Short of that anything you do is either wothless (because he doesn’t care) or fodder for him to (try) and use against you.

    Crazy people do not rspond to logic nor do they play by the rules. Go to court. You are pro se (at least at the moment), he is not. It will cost him and since he has no justifiable reason for his “belief” that you will do something, there is nothing he has to hold his position in court.


  4. I agree, there is no legal order keeping you out of that room, therefore you have a right to remove the locks and proceed to go in there any damn time you want. I don't understand how any judge can take him seriously at all. He's a fucking joke. Doesn't he realize that? He just makes himself look more and more idiotic with every little spiteful act he commits. His immaturity constantly astounds me. Once again, I'm sorry that you have to deal with this crap on a daily basis.


  5. This is just infuriating. Remind me to never get married in your state. Everything he is doing now is just cementing what I suspected about him before the shit hit the fan. I'm so sorry Sara. I have no advice.


  6. I had my share with immature men like him. It is frustrating. I makes one very mad indeed. Hang in there. Do not lose your composure. It is hard to deal with people like him. Address this matter to the court.


  7. the best thing about Sara's blog is…

    it makes my divorce, and my ex, look simple and reasonable.

    when, oh when will this nightmare be over for you?


  8. I don't know what to do.

    But the kids will hate him in the end. I know that.

    Because my father did horrible shit like that too. I have no desire to have a relationship of any kind with him. I keep in contact so my kids don't think I kept them from knowing who they were related to. He gets VERY limited contact.

    It doesn't ever seem to come fast enough, though. All this bullshit he pulls only serves to further insult everyone's intelligence… and kids don't like that shit.

    If he really cared about you ever at all, he sure as shit wouldn't do any of this, nor would he have taken the kids. Which makes me wonder why he ever bothered getting married.

    And there are no excuses for his behavior. He didn't, never did, and doesn't care about what his actions do to others. He let things go in the wrong direction and refuses to take responsibility for his part. He's abusive and doesn't deserve to be recognized as a human in any way. He's a pig. He gives good men a bad name… and that makes me angry.


  9. Hire a locksmith and then have the entire door removed. Can't lock what's not there.

    Sorry you are dealing with all of this. There's no reason to make it this ugly, he's clearly nuts.


  10. If there's anything in the room that's yours, and you're being kept from it, then call the cops and have them charge him with petty theft. If it's anything of any worth, maybe you can get him on grand theft.

    Also, he said going through the door would be brought up in court. Why not just rent a reciprocating saw and cut a new door? That way, you don't violate integrity of the existing door. Kind of a 'think outside the box' solution. Just make sure there's not any wiring in the way, or you're likely to get a shock. Literally.


  11. "And then there’s the tub".

    The very way you say it makes me feel just how important your tub is, especially now! Anyway, you really have a knack for making serious stuff funny. I think that your ex has no right locking you out, ever.


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