Damned if I Do, Damned if I Don’t. (Court Update)

So remember how I told you we had court on the 6th, and I was about to find out if my ex was going to have me kicked out of the house?

Ummm, yeah, that didn’t go so well. For him.

He had his lawyer, and I was without one, thanks to mine up and quitting, and in the end, the judge still ruled in my favor. I will not be forced to move out of my home until the divorce is over.

I know my ex had to be shocked, given how gleefully he  told me I would “be packing my shit and getting out soon”. But hey, I think I was due a little good news after the past year right?

I’m not going to say anything further on this, other than that as much as he bragged about how expensive his lawyer was..well..I’d love to see the bill he gets for the preparation and attending of that particular hearing.

On another good note, there has been a change for the better where the visitation situation is concerned. He had been denying me seeing the kids any time I brought up a new person to supervise, because it wasn’t going through this insane maze of me to my lawyer to his lawyer to him. (Nevermind the court order simply says that I tell him who will be supervising. No hoops, no approval, I just have to give him the name, and show up with a supervisor.) Well, once I represented myself in court, I am officially considered pro se, meaning I am my own lawyer, at least for the time being. Which means from this point, he cannot deny me seeing the kids just because the information came from me and not my lawyer.

It’s a huge relief because he has done his best to make it a ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ situation. He won’t give me the extra gas money needed to be making a 6 hour round trip drive twice a day to pick up the relatives he ‘approves of’ to supervise who live out of state and don’t have reliable transportation, but boy you better believe I hear about it if I don’t have someone and can’t see the kids. Then I’m a shitty mother who just doesn’t care about her kids. The fact that he previously refused to ‘approve’ of pretty much anyone locally because it wasn’t going through my lawyer was just details in his mind I guess.

This was driven home to me again today when he emailed me saying he ‘approved’ of the new person I submitted to his lawyer to supervise the visit Sunday. He then asked what that meant for the visit on Saturday, when I have a friend coming over so I can spend 12-5 with the kids. (This person has a busy life of her own, but has been incredibly kind to give me what time she can, and I VERY much appreciate that. I take what I can get.) I messaged back that it’s two different people, why would person B spending 8-5 here Sunday have anything to do with person A being here 12-5 on Saturday?

This is how he addressed my reply, copied verbatim from his email-

I didn’t know if  (Person B) would also then supervise Saturday morning. But if you are unable to get someone to supervise the few hourson Saturday morning that (Person A) can not or you are unwilling or uninterested in exercising your entire visitation Saturday then that is fine. I will mark it down that you only wanted them  Saturday afternoon or was unable to obtain someone for Saturday morning, despite having additional supervisors approved. Like I said it truly demonstrates your lack of desire to spend all of the limited time you have with your children and the utter lack of a substancial support system.

As I said, damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

16 thoughts on “Damned if I Do, Damned if I Don’t. (Court Update)

  1. OMG he sounds JUST like my ex…a controlling asshole who is always ALWAYS going to make YOU the bad guy. I'm tellin' ya, sweetie, when you divorce guys like this you get fucked more after than the divorce than you did when you were married.


  2. This guy should give lessons on how to lose friends and alienate people. I can tell in my armchair pyshiatrist way that he is a Class A asshole with a side of manipulative prick.


  3. Doesn't he realize that HE IS THE ONE HARMING THE CHILDREN BY NOT ALLOWING THEM TO SEE THEIR MOTHER!?!? Excuse the all-caps but this guy has his head do far up his ass, it just makes me want to slap him around a little, see if I can help him wake up! So sorry you have to suffer through this. And your kids. But you will have a written account of what happened so they can read it when they are older and he's trying to poison them against you.


  4. I swear, he just leaves me speechless. Every time I read about his latest antics, my jaw pops open in dumbfoundedness. What a sad, silly, rotten little man he is.


  5. It is so hard to read such condescending assholery written is such poor grammar. I'm so sorry for your situation. I don't know how you're surviving this nightmare, but I'm glad you are.


  6. what a piece of shit. why is it that someone always has to go and make something that is miserable…even more miserable. and your poor kids!
    seriously…what a schmuck.


  7. Lack of support system? You have lots of support that HE doesn't approve of. His arbitrary and contrary behavior only hurts the kids. In his attempt to inflict pain on you, he will learn that his children will come to hate him later on.

    Ask my daughter. She's 13 and going through this shit with my ex's entire family. What's worse, they've figured out ways to play her and her sister (yes, also mine) against each other, making her do all the younger should be able to do herself. In the end, I will lose one of my children because of the games played, and I have no power to stop this. They know it and use it to hurt me. It's going to ruin an innocent's life, but they should be more than satisfied with the outcome… my oldest will leave there and never go back. The younger will leave and never speak to any relatives again, if this all doesn't lead her to something much worse that could kill her in the end.

    I pray every night that you get a judge that sees this man for what he really is, and returns the kids to you, leaves you in the house and makes HIM pay for it. Your equitable and honest behavior has got to be worth something to someone.

    It is to me. Hurts like hell when we do what is right and get bit in the ass anyway. We don't have to clear our consciences, though. He wants to push you to see if he can send you into that despair again. Please don't let him win.


  8. I have a really stupid question to ask and a stupid answer is welcome – Does the judge know that he is making you jump through hoops like this and if so, why is the judge allowing it?


  9. I’ve been with my, soon to be ex (yet again) boyfriend, for three years. And what a living HELL it has been! Our relationship is sooooo verbally and mentally abusive that I cry almost every single day and have to constantly tell myself that I am not worthless, I am not ugly, I am a somebody and that I do matter….no matter how many times this person screams at me and swears at me that I am NOTHING. This used to border almost physical abuse, but that’s when I started to back down and would just sit there and cry. I would cry for hours….even days on end. I would cry walking to and from work….in fact I’m sobbing so bad right now that I have to stop writing. I’m a woman just like you….and my heart is in so much pain.


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