You Can’t Do That on Television..or in Blogging For That Matter.

Does anyone else remember the old tv show called “You Can’t Do That on Television”?  It was a sketch comedy show that ran on Nickelodeon when we were growing up. It was funny, but the big draw was always when certain words were uttered, suddenly a big bucket of green slime was dumped on the person’s head.

I haven’t watched the show in years, but I was reminded of it tonight when it was pointed out to me, not even remotely close to the first time, how I tend to say things on my blog that a lot of people don’t. I don’t sugarcoat, and I say things that a lot of people feel are too personal to talk about in public.

What sort of things? I have talked about my sex life on my blog. I have talked, in detail, about my depression, and being on medication for that when it got bad. I admitted that being a mother can be rediculously hard at times. I talked about my affair. I talked about my divorce. I even talked about my suicide attempt.

All great big no-no’s.  Bad Sara! Bad! And I have been chastized for it, sometimes rather harshly.

That level of honesty, that disclosure of ‘personal’ things, the “airing of dirty laundry” I was told, is just not acceptable. (Getting those comments are like the bucket of green slime to the head. No warning, no shielding yourself.)

To them I say, “Why the fuck not?

Why is it so bad to not hide what goes on in my life? What is so terrible about being honest?

I don’t think people who come to my site are under any illusions about me. They generally know me already, either through the blogosphere, or through Twitter or Facebook or some other social medium. I’m no different there than I am here. A bit lighter, and obviously easier on the details, but overall, still the same omg-did-she-really-just-say-that chick who loves a good laugh and hates the pretentious bullshit that accompanies the whole ‘politically correct’ attitude so many carry.

I can always be counted on to be that person who says what everyone else is thinking, but no one has the guts to actually say. And I have been told that. Often.

No one’s lives are perfect. One of my biggest critics has a far from happy homelife. I’m not going into details, but lets just say in that house, more than a couple of the seven deadly sins have been covered, and leave it at that. But they work hard to make sure no one knows anything ever goes wrong there. It wouldn’t be right, people shouldn’t air their dirty laundry in public.

Maybe that works for them. Who am I to judge? Actually as often as I’ve heard that in the last three years, it clearly works for a lot of people.

Unfortunately, I’m not ‘a lot of people’, and it doesn’t work for me.

I’ve said before and I’ll say again, blogging is therapy for me. Being able to vent what I am feeling, and getting the return feedback that people’s priceless.  Even more gratifying is the chance to help others who are feeling the same way, but are glad to find out they are not the only ones going through it. So often people don’t get that, because no one wants to talk about it.

If the price for making those connections and being true to myself is the proverbial bucket of slime to the head from time to time, I’m ok with that. I’ve dealt with far worse shit in my life than an occasional bit of criticism, and I’m still here, and still kicking ass along the way.

19 thoughts on “You Can’t Do That on Television..or in Blogging For That Matter.

  1. Why not, indeed? I think that is one of the areas I went wrong with my blog: I stopped talking about the overly personal stuff. I used to bitch about my job, neighbors, and husband on a regular basis, but those posts gave me some funny stuff, as well as a connection to people that I don't feel I have now.


  2. What you do is no-one's business except your own. I tried to "fit the mold" for so long, but I learned that you have to do for yourself first. If it helps you, then keep at it – don't change because of what others think.


  3. Amen amen amen!

    I am the same way…I talk about everything and anything on my blog and would completely rather do that then be the other way. I like the freedom of being completely honest and being completely myself.


  4. You know, it's YOUR blog so screw them. Share whatever you want, say whatever you want, and if they don't like it then there's no law that says they have to read it. Existing out of your blog is very easy if they don't like the content.

    I love how people think a comment button gives them the right to tell us how to live our lives and what we're allowed to share.

    You keep being you and the hell with them. 😉 Wow, I think I need more caffeine cuz I'm bitchy aren't I? LMAO


  5. I still self-censor a lot on my own blog. I'm not sure why, at this point. Maybe I need to loosen up a little. I've started getting a little farther and farther outside my comfort zone in the last couple of years, so you never know what will be next.


  6. ok, I am going to be very honest and i hope not to hurt feelings. My first thought when I read this post was, folks people write memoirs about far worse things that have happened in their lives and they get paid the big bucks for it, and a bunch of them go to number one on the bestseller list. So why is it wrong for a blogger to do it. In the same breath I do find when I read your past posts about your divorce/kids/affair I feel like it is wrong, maybe b/c I am thinking of the other people who have not chosen to put their life out there and yet they are having it shared, i.e. your kids, your ex (dick or NOT). I just think it seems to raw to be writing about it. I also would feel that you are exacerbating a situation. I would think the lawyers could have a field day with what you put out there, and I would NOT want to give the lawyers anything to use against me. I don't comment with nasty words for you OR tell you what to do, I am just trying to give you insight to maybe some thoughts of why people are thinking things shouldn't be shared, at least at this stage of the situation.


  7. Hi Feener, thanks for the comment, and no offense taken.

    As far as my ex goes, two points. 1. He brought this public before I did. I filed for divorce based on irreparable breakdown of the marriage, and instead of keeping things simple, he then filed a response outlining the details of my affair. He then found out he'd contracted herpes, and filed a lawsuit against me for it. (Sadly for him I've tested negative twice, so he's got some explaining to do.) I would have been happy to make this all all neat and simple as possible, he is the one who has chosen to make this a battle, and one for public record at that. I don't use my last name anywhere online, you cannot find my blog by searching for me, so while yes I write about the stuff he does, the effect is limited because you have to know me personally to know who he is. Unlike the allegations of herpes and details of my affair, which thanks to him are in legal documents for anyone to search, with my full name.
    2. His lawyer can't really do anything about it, because the first rule of suing someone for libel is that you have to be able to prove what is printed is not true, and the simple fact is he can't, because it's all true.

    He has actually toned down his crap considerably since I've started coming out with this stuff, and I strongly suspect it's because he's realized that if he doesn't do it, I can't write about it. Silence is the number one reason abusers get away with what they do- because no one knows about it.

    Finally, as far as writing about my kids on my blog..well, that's the question as old as mommyblogging isn't it? 😉


  8. I think it's great that you put it all out there! It's not like your naming names and asking everyone who reads it to harass the people that are written about. I hope everything turns out in your favor, sooner rather than later!


  9. Well said, Sara! What are blogs for, if not for getting things off your chest, the good, the bad and the ugly.


  10. sara
    funny thing about my kid comment. as i thought about my comment to you, i realized my last post was me bitching about my kids. i think that it is GREAT that the ex has toned down and yes if the fact that his crap is being printed on line that kudos to you….thank you for answering me directly as well as being considerate and kind in your response. i really don't like the HATE that is sometimes thrown through the blogosphere. i do blog for support and therapy so when i say hate around it turns me off. ps i had read about the herpes stuff and it just seems so wasteful on his part, and he seems to be digging himself a hole on that one.


  11. I absolutely LOVED that show! They should bring back the SLIME lol. Enjoyed reading your blog. Keep up the good work!


  12. that's why i love reading your blog. even though i don't always comment. because when i come here, i know it's a real person i'm reading! you are awesome. i've told ya that before but don't let it get to your head 😉


  13. I used to LOVE that show! 🙂

    I couldn't agree more. Why should we all feel ashamed of being human? It's a superficial waste of time to pretend we are anything other than what we are. Sharing personal info IS therapy and whenever we do it, we hear from others who felt exactly the same way or did the exact same thing, don't we? Anyone who is critical of this philosophy or anything you blog about is probably not being real themselves and can always change the channel.


  14. That was THE show to watch on Nick back then. As for your blog, it's YOURS. Do with it as you feel. I love that you're so open and honest. I felt like I knew you before I met you in real life. It made it very easy to become friends with you and know that you are someone I wanted to get to know. When I first started reading your blog I thought it would be cool to meet since we both live in the same town. You're honest and that's what we need more of in this screwed up world. If your blog has made your ex think about . the crap he's put you through and tone it down, then that's even better for you and the kids. I'm always here for you. Don't change who you are to make others happy. Be yourself and to those you don't like it, maybe they shouldn't come back.


  15. Some people are uncomfortable reading honest accounts of other peoples lives because they are used to hiding all of their own mistakes and "sins". Seeing other people talk about these things openly makes them defensive because they themselves are afraid to be honest. In other words…They are just jealous. 😉


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