When Faced With the Truth, Dig a Deeper Hole

When I finished the Truth series, I expected I would pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on chugging. Shit happens, life goes on. I was in a very vulnerable, emotional place, but I was ok.

Then my ex read my blog and started in on me. And kept on me.  To the point I got so stressed that between him and everything else, I snapped. I drove to a hotel, checked in, and attempted to overdose myself on Nyquil. And very nearly succeeded.

I got lucky in that I was found in time. I promise to tell that story soon.

In the meantime I am dealing with the aftermath of making such a huge mistake. Some I expected, some I didn’t.

What I didn’t expect was the series of emails I’ve gotten this afternoon. Apparently not content to sit back and watch my stumble, they tried to post this on my, AND several of my readers’ blogs. I am floored not only at the names I am called, but also by the sheer callousness of the ‘ask her what she did 12 hours later’ remark.

The remark in question is referring to my suicide attempt Saturday night.

Here is the comment in it’s entirety(minus actual email address), as it was sent to Loralee at LoraLee’s Looney Tunes , reposted here with her permission-

Mark <Email removed>
<Email removed>
date Wed, Mar 11, 2009 at 2:44 PM
subject Suburban Oblivian – Just so you know — loraleeslooneytunes.com contact form
mailed-by serv01.siteground179.com
hide details 2:44 PM (2 hours ago)

You people are the most pathetic people in the world. Get a life. She
can’t stand lying. That is all this is. Ask this crazy person what she did
Saturday night less than 12 hours of posting this bag of lies.

Ask this evil witch when the last time was that she spent any quality time
with her children instead of the Irish scumbag. She has occupied the same
house with them, the same vehicle as them, but nothing beyond that.

To make it clear, I am the ex’s brother. SO I HAVE PICKED A SIDE IN THIS. My
brother is not perfect, but this is bizarre, and you pathetic people feed
her. She is a SLUT, she IS a LIAR, She is SELFISH, she is GREEDY, she is
she is admittedly an ADULTERER, and most of all SHE IS EVIL. And that is
alright with you pathetic, miserable people. And now we all know that she is
MENTALLY ILL. That’s right, a moment of truth. You have all been taken in
by a crazy person. The irony is remarkable. Though how were you pathetic
people supposed to know. You do not know the people involved here. It is on
the Internet, so DUH, it must be true.

You pathetic people should be praying for this family, for these kids. She
has used this to entertain your pathetic lives and you have bought her bag
of lies and crap, hook, line and sinker. There are THREE YOUNG CHILDREN in
the middle of this mess and all she can talk about is herself. Who the hell
is taking care of these children while she spends hours and hours on the
phone with the IRISH Jackass, and hours and hours online with this and
frickin’ Twitter and anyone else that will buy into her crap while my
brother is working his butt off.

By the by, the Irish Jackass broke it off with her, not the other way
around. He started calling my brother and harassing him. He said it is to
let him know that my brother was right all along. Not to apologize or
anything like that. He too is everything she is. Probably mentally ill too.

I’ll end like I started….you people are the most pathetic people in the

I am speechless.

44 thoughts on “When Faced With the Truth, Dig a Deeper Hole

  1. Hey, I found your blog after following you on Twitter. I’m in Mobile too, and if you need ANYTHING just let me know. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. I’m hoping everything turns out okay.


  2. Oh My God Sara. I just don’t know what else to say. I am glad you are alright.

    I think you are a very brave person to let us all in your life. Good and bad.





    Oh, honey, this is crazy. He is crazy. I’m so sorry that this has turned into such a circus for you. But please don’t think that going off alone is the answer. Any one of us (ok, I should probably speak for myself) are here for you.

    And in re: the comment left? I am certainly not pathetic and I don’t believe things I read just because they are on the internet. I believe things because ultimately, I have faith in people. And if you were making all of this up? I would be here because you would obviously need help, not ridicule.

    Hang in there.


  4. By far one of the most hostle, obsessive, bizarre acts I have encountered on the internet (and I have seen a lot).

    The ONE post I read on this situation had your brother making horribly disparaging comments to CHILDREN ABOUT THEIR MOTHER. I do not care what she has done, you do not involve the children. I have been through divorce, I know it is not easy but I would lay down and die before commenting about my kid’s father like that or putting him through the legal hoops your brother has. FOR THEIR SAKE.

    If you list a litany of “things she has done” to defend YOUR behvior?

    Guess what? Do not care.

    She could be a hobag, wench, psycho, horrible evil person but YOU AND YOUR BROTHER SHOULD BEHAVE BETTER FOR THE KIDS YOU CLAIM TO CARE ABOUT. If she is pushing buttons? He should suck it up, shut up in front of the kids and get a damn therapist. Walking around with a steno pad making comments about their mom is not ok, NO MATTER WHAT.

    So she had an affair, your brother works hard, and she spends a lot of time on the phone and internet? This gives you or him the right to behave like this?

    For the record? No behavior on her part warrants this level of obsessive weird by YOU. Period, the end. If your brother is 1/3 of what you have displayed I seriously fear for the children you seem so concerned about.

    You, sir are one of the most disturbing people I have ever encountered.

    I’ll take being pathetic over that any day.

    P.S. If she IS mentally ill? BRAVO to you for torturing and disparaging someone with a serious illness like this. Kudos for pushing her over the edge. Clap, clap, clap for helping make a bad situation get to the point that kids could have lost their mom. You are a REAL peach. By the by, you, um…really don’t seem the picture of mental health yourself. So watch the stuff you lob at other people.

    P.P.S. Stay the fuck off my blog.

    Loralee’s last blog post..I’m having a $50 amazon.com giveaway to make up for the fact that this is THE LONGEST POST KNOWN TO MANKIND!


  5. So, I came here via Loralee, so I’m new to this blog. But I wanted to let you know, while not this severe, I get this kind of commentary and barrage of emails from my ex. Constantly. Daily. I moved out at the beginning of 2007. It is 2009. So if you ever want to talk about it? Let me know because I’m totally available and can totally relate.

    I’m so sorry for this insanity.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..I swear it’s all related


  6. Mark, as “THE Irish Jackass”, (you have a penchant for CAPITILZATION don’t you?), let me just say this you have no idea what is going on or what you are talking about.

    They say that blood is thicker than water but in this case it is just plain “thick”.

    Without ever talking to Sara or getting her side of the story you’ve fallen for the lies and deceit of the man with the magic herpes. You know the herpes that suddenly appeared after Sara and I were together, yet she tested negatively for not once but TWICE. Yet, your brother continues to sue her for it…

    I am no martyr here, nor am I anyone who has a high horse to sit on, nor should I ever be held up as an icon of honesty, but trust me it takes an accomplished bullshitter to know one, and the ex is one…

    the ex is a man of two personalities, home and away. Someday you’ll get to see his home face and from what I have personally heard and personally experienced it’s not a pretty sight.

    No matter what, I am proud to have been with Sara, I cherish the time we’ve had together and I am proud of the strong amazing woman she has grown into since she’s removed herself from under the weight of your brothers boot heel.

    Paul OFlaherty’s last blog post..2008 The end and beginning of O’Flaherty


  7. No accusations of herpes anymore, huh? Interesting.

    Fuck them. I know it’s hard. But living well is the best revenge. And living is kind of a critical part of that. Set up your webcam to record what’s going on in the house if you feel comfortable. The truth will be documented and the people with crazy ass claims will look like the nutbags they are. Now both brothers have abused you. May be a blessing bc a protection order would probably be easy to get with that display of aggression.<3

    CheekySweetie’s last blog post..Boobie-Gate: my first bloggy drama


  8. I love how he didn’t change a word of it to fit the people he was insulting. I feel a bit better now, he’s just hasty and nasty, it makes more sense now. Cut and paste, cut and paste, der da der.

    Jamie E’s last blog post..She’s Back


  9. Oh the hate and obsession… Reminds me of the 2 divorces my mother went through while I was a kid. Splitting is tough and some people just deal with it in the wrong ways.

    Some people only know how to attack and fight when they are hurt or upset. All you can do is laugh at the ridiculousness and move on.

    I mean the sheer obsession displayed by this person who is internet stalking your commenters kind of says it all right?

    What a douchebag thing to do…

    Talina’s last blog post..Um, hi! Can you spray your germs somewhere else, please? [*warning* graphic snot pic ;-)]


  10. i just want to add my voice to the chorus as a reminder that the things he’s saying about you ARE NOT TRUE. don’t let yourself believe them even for a second. you are loved, even if it is by us “pathetic” people on the internet.

    Lara’s last blog post..You Heard Nothing


  11. Mark, Seriously.

    Look between the lines if you would?
    A. She has been tested twice for herpes, Yet- She doesn’t have it and your brother does.
    B. Herpes is not an airborne illness, it requires some level of intimate contact.
    C. Most likely IAN is the one who has been an “Adulterer”
    D. Herpes usually usually breaks out within 2-24 days of a sexual encounter with an infected mate. So the ex most likely had an intimate encounter of the unwed variety within two weeks of him finding out, which technically is adultery.
    E. Seriously, attacking those who are not party to this except to support a dear friend would be much like us sending you abusive emails because you listen to your brother.It shows your level of maturity.
    F. Please feel free to send me an email if you like, I would love to hear your opinion. 🙂
    G.The above statement is untrue- While I will read your email- I will respond back with the same hate filled, disgusting rants as you have sent to all the readers of this blog. The difference between you and I, however- Is that I have the power to do something about it.


  12. Wow. Gee, who looks like the mental case in this scenerio? Brother-O-the ex, you overuse the caps lock button. Your rambling insanity just looks uneducated and poorly written. Seriously, silly little man, look into some writing classes. It would have been better to use a few well placed exclamation points. If you really wanted to defend your brother and make a point, you should have considered not calling everyone who believes in Sara “the most pathetic people in the world.” I mean, really, who reads that and thinks “gee, this nice man must have a point.” Clearly you cannot present a case against Sara in a reasonable, logical tone so you were forced to resort to screaming and yelling at anyone who believed in her. Let me know how that worked out for you.

    Sara, I believe you, I believe in you, and I’m always here if you need anything. Silly man’s email only reiterated the insanity that you are being forced to deal with. It’s enough to make anyone crack. I agree with CheekySweetie. Fuck ’em. It’s ridiculous what you’ve been through. I hope all the bullshit is over with soon.

    Nikki’s last blog post..Terror at McDonalds


  13. Ack. I have nothing to say to that.

    But while we are on the subject, and since my friend killed himself last month, I am going to mention 1-800-SUICIDE for anyone who feels like they may be wanting to end their life. It is a toll-free helpline and they have teen peer counselors and PPD mom counselors and other good folks to help. Just in case anyone out there needs it.


  14. Whoa, so I just found you via loralee’s twitter. HUGS! Also, in response to your twitter, he is a DOUCHEBAG! seriously though, it is the perfect word. This whole situation is douchbaggery. I’m SO sorry you are dealing with all of this. UGH. we are here for you

    also Loralee=baller. She’s right, he is NUTS. You hang in there. I’m a sleep deprived college student so I’m always around if you wanna vent.

    Molly’s last blog post..roneydapony: ok quick skype break and then midterm. i’m tired


  15. Hey Sara. I’ve been following this whole mess. I knew both you and the ex while you where living in Florida. I know we had a falling out during that time. I do know the ex and I do know he can be a jackass. I was happy to hear you were living him. the ex just wanted a arm candy to make him look good. He was more in love with the video games he would play than anything else. I am sorry you are dealing with all of this. I wish I was closer to you.


  16. I thought it was funny to open this email today from the “brother” of the same man who contacted me via email last year to “out” Sara and her affair on my own blog, based solely on a quite public disagreement her and I had a few months before. Funny that I knew these people’s dirty laundry before most of Sara’s readers and friends even did thanks to her ex-husband’s searching for and seeking revenge. Out Sara on my blog?? Seriously??? Between that email and the one I received today, I am convinced the ex- and his brother are nothing short of completely insane mind fucking controllers. I understand your hurt, but jesus christ…let it go.

    Sara, you know I’m here, you know you’ve got a hand and a shoulder and a friend. You’re one of the strongest women I’ve ever known. Keep your chin up.

    Huckdoll’s last blog post..Part One – Crazy Day


  17. So.. and it probably goes without saying.. you should DEFINITELY keep the email for your lawyer. That actually is as close to the definition of slander as it comes, and while you can’t hold it against your ex, you can pursue the BIL in court with it. And since your blog is a money-maker, you can pursue it with gusto.

    .. sadly, I only know this because I went through the same thing. And from my experience, know this: crazy always comes through. You may feel like no one believes you and that you’re all by yourself, but people ALWAYS see the truth. Hang in there, babe.


  18. Mark,
    I am not surprised that you are the ex’s side. Of course you are you are his brother and that is just human to trust him and be on his side. My brother would probably do the same. Well he wouldn’t stalk my ex’s blog or my ex’s friends or be so crude and nasty but you know you get the picture.
    I have been friends with Sara for 6 years so long before the “irish jackass” was in the picture. Your brother, let’s not sugar coat it, treated her like shit for years. Do condone her cheating? No. But I support her because she is my friend and friends may do things that you wouldn’t do but in the end if you are truly friends you stand by them. Just like I am sure you don’t condone domestic violence but still stand by the ex.
    I really am not going to go back and forth about affairs or herpes or who did what to who, because in the end who the fuck cares? The marriage is over the only thing left of importance is the kids. Somewhere along the lines this has been forgotten. You say that Sara has been in the car and in the house but not really been spending quality time with them. You mean like the ex did for the first few years of their lives? You must remember I was friends with Sara back in the day. I damn well know that the ex never spent any quality time with them. Ask him how many times he would take the kids alone or gave them a bath before this all went down. the ex would always say that the house and kids were Sara’s job and providing for the family was his. You must admit the ex was not exactly the family man. Which is why I am concerned that once he found out about the divorce it was his sole mission in life to get custody of them. I would love to think for the kids sake that he did it because he thought it would be best for them and not to punish Sara. But since he had not problem with Sara raising them before the affair I think he is using the kids as pawns. Children are affected by everything they see and hear. I have been on the phone with Sara when he thought I was the “Irish Jackass” and he called her names and belittled her right in front of the kids.
    I think that BOTH parties need to realize that the only thing that matters our those 3 kids. BOTH parties need to work together for their sake. Divorce is hard enough on children and a nasty divorce is just plain hurtful on children especially when Parents smite one another to the kids.
    I don’t have a blog for you to harass but if you feel the need my email is Mrsdianek@yahoo.com


  19. Wow Sara. Diane’s comment really hit me because over the years we’ve been blogging together – that’s how I SENSED your home life….. the husband never around and you doing everything while he worked and used that as the excuse that he was never there. Sorry if that sounds harsh, it’s not meant to be.

    I’m really sad to hear about the attempted overdose. That breaks me heart. I hate how one human being could put another through so much that attempting to take ones life feels like the only way out.

    What you’re going through is a case of domestic violence – whether he hits you or not. I just can’t fathom how a court can even consider giving custody to an abuser like the ex.

    I want nothing more than a quick outcome for you so you can move on with your life and be happy again.

    sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..Flotsam


  20. Sweetie, please contact your local domestic violence center. What both these men are doing is verbal and emotional abuse to you and emotional abuse to your children beause they are hearing and seeing it. Ask for a victim advocate, they can help you navigate the system and get help for you and your children and perhaps even have the ex removed from the home. These are obviously sad little men preying on a woman they perceive as weaker, but I know you can show them how wrong they are. It’s no sign of weakness to ask for help. You are not perfect, nobody is, but that doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like this. No woman does ANYTHING that warrants abuse. You are loved, always believe that, even if it’s just by us “pathetic” people. Funny how the “pathetic” people are the ones with the open hearts.
    P.S. For those who received that e-mail, do what you can to report this man for sending an abusive e-mail – report him to whatever email domain he is using. They have rules about sending slanderous or abusive e-mails. Enough of you could get him kicked out of that email domain for good.
    P.P.S. Everyone who got a copy of this e-mail, please send it to Sarah so that she can show the extent of this abuse. and Sarah, honey, please report this man and take these e-mails with you.

    Christine’s last blog post..Junk in her trunk?


  21. Diane said it best. There are people who *knew* her years before “The Irish Jackass” came into the picture and knew there was a problem with the marriage BEFORE she did (or at least before she admitted to it out loud). Some of the people who are on Sara’s side are not just going by what she’s written on her blog. The minute the ex started using the children as leverage was the minute he lost all credibility, because WE remember how uninvolved he was. Sara never said anything, but it was obvious anyway.

    the ex has a right to be hurt and angry, but this obsession and abuse is not normal and most judges would have recognized it and put an end to this nonsense long ago.

    the ex should move on with his life. It’s been a year, dude, let it go. Sara has stated numerous times she has no intent of taking his children away from him, yet he wants to fight tooth and nail to ensure they are his, and for what? So that he can play video games with them all day, every day? That is so incredibly selfish. This little move is all about control and getting back at Sara for his hurt feelings.


  22. What Diane said was excellent and Sara? I’m behind you 100%. I’ve known you quite some time and you know where to find me.
    As for this jackass emailing everyone? Whatever. The truth is obviously coming out now, huh pal?


  23. I think I’d rather be pathetic and have an open heart than to be so angry and try to discredit someone else with ugly, ad hominen attacks written up in a fit of “but that’s not faaaaiiiir!”.

    I feel sad for the ex and Mark that they cannot see that their selfish acts will drive a large gap between them and the children over time. Kids don’t forget these things. I didn’t, and I remember both of my parents being horrible and telling lies about each other. They took the low road, and now I’m closer to my husband’s family than my own.

    All I can do is ask for something good to come to all involved, and that it is the right thing for everyone.

    I assume part of the reason you spend time online is because this will ultimately lead to your independence and livelihood, that doesn’t directly include a man who is controlling and mentally abusive. My first marriage was abusive in that manner, and toward the end it became physical. I fought back, then I left. It was the most difficult thing for me to do, and I did have to lie to get away from the situation I was in. Once out, I told the full truth. I took a lot of venom, did a lot of crying.

    In the end, please remember that your children need you. The only people you ever have to show your worth to is them. the ex has already done this with his ugly acts, and it will take him a lifetime of better living to correct this where they will trust him again. Children are not so easily led as one might think. With a highly intelligent mother, I’m going to assume that they already think very much for themselves.

    Spend time with them, and let them talk about what might be hurting them. All the same, I don’t fault someone for not talking about her children in her publicly open blog. Children need that protection from the rest of the world until they can fully weigh the risks and benefits of their business.

    As for the lawsuit, it will show a judge exactly what kind of person he has been. He has an awful lawyer, and I’m still of a mind that he knew before he told you and attempted to pass the virus on to you. That’s my own personal conclusion, and probably not what anyone else was thinking… at least, not seriously. I wouldn’t put it past a man who allows his brother to harass random people on the internet.

    Also, I find that the accounts where you take the blame you deserve. A liar and someone who is truly suffering from long-term mental illness paints themselves solely as a victim. The story does not come across as fabricated, nor disingenous.

    It took me some time to put these thoughts together before I commented, but I am behind you on this. I shall ask for a wise judge to be put in place for you when I meditate, and that the outcome is ultimately for the best of the children. They are the only victims of this, and their father makes it worse with his behavior.

    Stay strong. You are bigger than all these things, and it won’t be long before it is past you. You will heal, and you will find someone who will show you that you are of too much value to take your own life.

    Be brave, mama. Everything will come into place at some point.


  24. Damn, honey!

    Since my cousin offed himself in December, my first reaction is to be pissed at you. But, since I’ve been on the other side [where you were] a couple of times, I want to do nothing other than give you a big fat hug.

    It sucks so much ass that you felt like that was your only option-I’m glad you failed. You’re going to get through all of this. It’s going to suck and will probably get worse but you WILL come out the other end.

    Email me if you want because I’ve been there, I’ve tried that and I know how it is:Crazy@TasteLikeCrazy.com.

    As for your wonderfully articulate brother-in-law, it’s pretty pathetic that he resorts to calling you crazy in order to discredit you. Crazy obviously does not automatically equal unreliable and dishonest, since your brother-in-law expects to be believed. 😉

    Amy @ Taste Like Crazy’s last blog post..Hello Kitty is Britney Spears and Other Randomness


  25. Wow. Seriously, how to respond to that? Diane really did do it best. I am so sorry to hear how things are going and about your suicide attempt. Just keep those 3 kids in your mind. You WILL get through this. Like others have mentioned, I have been there too, and am fortunately still here to tell the tale. Please, please reach out to one or more of us if you need to talk about ANYTHING. I’m assuming you have a therapist, too, but if not, please get one now.

    Get that divorce over and done. No man and the shit he puts you through is ever worth ending your life over. I’m here for you, as are we all.

    moodswingingmommy’s last blog post..Dude, hit the brakes! I’ve gotta make a stop!


  26. I’m coming to your story at the end of this chapter but I was struck by how much this sounded like my ex (and his sister who still leaves nasty comments on my blog after almost 7 years). I’m sorry for all you are dealing with and hope you are able to shake him quickly. And take care of yourself. No man is worth leaving your children over.

    Michelle Smiles’s last blog post..Why Daddy shouldn’t be in charge of hair


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