Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way (Or a Hell of a Lot of Spandex)

A little under a month ago I posted about the Mardi Gras ball coming up on the 30th. For those that don’t remember, I had a *teeny* little problem with a dress 2 sizes too small. I decided to try to lose 20lbs in 25 days, and squeeze myself into that dress again. I’ve had a lot of well-wishes and inquiries about it since, and since the day is nearly here, I guess its time to answer- did I succeed?

No. And yes. Sort of.

Clear as mud, right?

Long story short, I lost almost 10lbs. Right up until 2 days ago. At which point the crankiness and the bloating started. Practically overnight, I gained back nearly 5 of the 10lbs I’d lost. Nature seems to have quite the sense of humor, in that I have short cycles, between 21-23 days. Which would be fabulous if I were trying to get pregnant, what with several extra cycles a year. (Aren’t you jealous?) But I’m not. And so in this case all it means is that the one month I am really trying to keep the weight off, I’m having my period and all the eating and bloating it entails, TWICE. Wtf????

Not to be conquered by my ridiculous cycles or an uncooperative dress, I decided I’d not given up this fight yet. I set out to Kohl’s, and picked up the modern day equivalent of a corset, only much, much uglier. I don’t know how to describe it, except its like grandma underwear attached to this really tight waist thing that goes up to right under my bra. It smooths everything out except right at the hip, so I had to buy a second contraption to go under the first, and these are like really long, tight boyshorts. There’s going to be more Lycra under that dress than a Vegas hooker convention, but by god the rolls shall be tamed and the gown shall zip.

As long as I don’t have to breathe or pee for 4 hours I should be just fine.

Posted in Old

35 thoughts on “Where There’s a Will, There’s a Way (Or a Hell of a Lot of Spandex)

  1. Oh your body is going to love you when you take that off at the end of the night. I have poured myself into just that kind of contraption before and it is like HEAVEN when it comes off.

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  2. Hee hee hee hee – I always wondered if there was a second contraption to tame the hips. Hats off to you for finding it! I applaud you for not giving up on wearing the dress. Yeah! Will there be pictures so you can show us your triumph?

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  3. It is fabulous you lost 10 lbs. YEAH you! I’m super sorry you have short cycles and all that goes with that.
    I wore some of the spanx lycra sucker in pantyhose(and it came up right under my bra though I think that is cuz I be short waisted) for the Christmas dinner. Ya know I just hate getting dressed up.

    You will look fabulous!!!!

    I am having first period in 4 years and I’m a raging bitch. My 16yo almost convinced McHub to run away with him. You must be kinder going through 3 periods in just over 2 months.

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  4. I have to second the Spanx. They’re awesome, and they make one that will go from lower thigh all the way up to the bra line. Takes forever to squeeze yourself in, but the results are fabulous. And if you have to pee, the crotch opens so you can do that, too.

    Congrats on losing the 10 lbs., too! You know that 5 pounds will fall right off again after your period.

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  5. We will all be waiting for the pics. I hope you don’t have to bend over for anything or you could hurt yourself or those around you! Congrats on the 10 pounds, I wish I could lose it if only for a few days. Have fun!

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  6. Been there, done that — way too many times.

    Congrats on losing 10 (that extra 5 is just water — you know that, right?) Now, give yourself a couple of months to lose the rest in a healthy manner and you can get rid of the horrid corsety thing.

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  7. I think you need to congratulate yourself on the 10 lbs, buy some fat free chocolate pudding for the cycle and practice with the Spanx-y stuff – that stuff is tough on the body.

    But I still can’t wait to see pictures!

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  8. Oh, yeah. Welcome to my life these days. Seven months post-pregnant and still living in spandex. God bless it, but UGH it is uncomfortable!

    Have fun!

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  9. I don’t want to sound like a nay-sayer, but I’ve done this one too many times, and had a crappy evening because I’m in frikkin pain. If it were me (AND IT’S NOT, I DO GET THAT), I would go out and buy a new dress, one that I could wear without the misery. Sigh.

    10 lbs in 25 days? You rock!

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  10. I had a similar situation with my wedding dress (15 years ago) — the spandex is a LOT better now!

    I’ve heard those herbal body wraps work for a temporary fix, too.

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  11. When we went to my husband’s office Christmas party a few years ago, I had gained a couple of pounds and had to wear this black, long stretchy undergarment that made my dress look good but was almost impossible to get on and off. I almost hurt myself in the bathroom stall forcing that thing back up over my hips. So glad nobody could see me!

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  12. I have totally been there before, stay strong.
    I have heard that spanx are the way to go.

    Blog Hopping
    Anastasia Beaverhousin

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  13. Necessity is the mother of invention! (Wondering if that’s why moms get stuck with all the uncomfortable contraptions?) Hope all goes well!

    Happy Blog Hoppin’!
    “Margarita Mom”

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  14. Mwahaha, I feel your pain! I went to a formal party two months after giving birth to my first. Imagine all that plus milk engorged boobs! Good. Times.

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