Sometimes it Takes Getting Bitch-Slapped to Remind You How Good You Have It.

Last night’s post about my not-so-darling 2 year old was more of a Twitter than a post, but I tend to share things I know fellow moms will relate to. Sometimes I forget I get visitors who are not moms, and due to that I get a comment like this one.

I’ll save you the time. My partner and I will take the toddler off of of your hands… in fact, we’ll pay for your for your trouble (and I knowingly say that, aware that there is extreme potential that we’ll eat our words). As hard as it gets, don’t forget that there are loving parents out there that can physically or legally have children…

You are fortunate and lucky.

Thank you Jesse from Inarticulate Fumblings, because sometimes it really does take getting bitch-slapped to remind me that all in all, I do have it pretty good.

Being a parent has been described as the hardest job in the world, and personally I think that is an understatement. Hard doesn’t even begin to describe it. Part of the reason I blog is to vent and relate to other parents who are going through the same things. If I were to keep all of it in all of the time, I’d either explode, or become one of those people you see on the news who went postal in the middle of Target or something. That said, I do very much love my children, and it is not bad all the time, as evidenced by the fact all three have thus far lived to tell about it. I joke about selling them on E-Bay, but I wouldn’t actually do it.

They haven’t pushed me that far, yet. πŸ˜‰

But you are right, I should be more thankful for what I have. They may drive me nuts at times, but my life wouldn’t be what it is without them. Thanks for the reminder.

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37 thoughts on “Sometimes it Takes Getting Bitch-Slapped to Remind You How Good You Have It.

  1. My life would definitely not be the same without my two year old. She’s the best. But she’s still bat-shit crazy and worthy of an ebay listing on some days.

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  2. Jesse made a good point, but as a mother who lost her third son at 10 months and is unable to have more children doesn’t mean I can’t understand how you feel. 2yos are hard work and frustrating as hell, just wait until he is 15. You’ll need a straitjacket. I don’t think even moms who go through fertility treatments and finally have a child don’t get annoyed at their child. Sorry, but I am human and not Mary Poppins. πŸ˜›

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  3. “Being a parent has been described as the hardest job in the world”

    I don’t think your statement is entirely accurate. Being an attentive, active, involved, unconditionally loving, supportive, responsible, and nurturing parent is the hardest job in the world. THAT is more accurate. There are many people who are “parents” that can’t even tell you if their kids have had all their shots, what grades their kids on got on their report cards, or even their favorite color. Even if you threaten to sell your kids on ebay from time to time, kids should always know, their parents will always be there, even when they piss them off.

    I know my kids do….

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  4. Eh, I don’t know. I really can’t agree with the original comment. I mean, my kids are the absolute light of my life but every so often I complain about them. Not because I don’t love and cherish and adore them, but because they’re human and I’m human and sometimes we’re going to annoy each other.

    Honestly, it really annoys me when people say things like “Don’t complain! Don’t you know that so and so has it so much worse than you?” What does that even mean? Only the one person in the whole world who has things the worst is allowed to vent or complain? That’s not really very reasonable.

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  5. The only reason I have a blog is to complain about my children. And I love them more than I ever thought it was possible to love anything. I think complaining is everyone’s right. I see Jesse’s point, but it’s not fair to judge other people’s complaints until you’ve been there yourself.

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  6. lol @ daddy drivel

    Y’know, I’m glad you have a positive take on the comment, and I guess he needed to get that out, and really, it was fairly polite…but still…did you ever really forget that? did you need the reminder?

    Your blog is a place for you to vent and be funny. People who take everything written on a blog seriously either don’t get blogs or possibly don’t get humor.

    But I guess the same could be said of comments–and it sounds like that guy or girl needed to get that off his or her chest and at least wasn’t a total jerk about it.

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  7. We human beings are meant, in fact built for, having the whole spectrum of emotions and experiences. Nothing is all good. Nothing is all bad. The truth of the matter is I have delight and utter frustration nearly every day. It is as it should be. Saying the hard things out loud (or writing them publicly) doesn’t make the good times less so. in fact a little humor and validation are often just the ticket to change my perspective so I can get back in there. That being said, I do appreciate a good perspective shift…

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  8. Personally, I know how good I have it, how lucky I am. This doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to complain every now and again. Maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about, but even those who have to fight hard to become parents (infertility, adoption…) I suspect complain sometimes, too.

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  9. Even though we struggled through infertility and so much heart break as we tried to get pregnant, and then fertility treatments to assist in conceiving all three of our children, I still complain about my kids sometime. It’s human nature, and I personally think it’s healthy. A person just can’t keep it inside all the time.

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  10. The little monkeys are frustrating at times. I didn’t read anything more than that into your post and I don’t believe anytihng more than that was intended. (I believe I commented that I threaten to sell mine to the gypsies.)

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  11. I think much like all the parents here agree that no matter how loved your kids are sometimes it’s not all sunshine and puppies, when you’ve experienced a loss (or never had kids, or maybe lost your only child to be then told you can’t have more), some days off-handed comments about selling children hurt worse than other days. Just like most days with your kids are great but some suck, most days you (meaning I) accept what is and get on with getting on but other days….yeah. Other days aren’t so easy.

    I think no malice was intended in the initial comment and I’m glad Sara didn’t use it as an opportunity to attack or malign.

    I do think though that jerseygirl saying that someone who clearly doesn’t have and can’t have children ”shouldn’t judge until they have been there” as a parent was misguided at best and hateful at worst. Way to rub in the salt, you know?

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  12. I’m sure your commenter means well but I get so tired of people laying guilt trips if God forbid a mother complains about her kids. I’m very thankful for my children. I thank God every day. BUT complaining about a bad day, a bad behavior, or just being exhausted from parenting 4 kids does not mean I am not thankful. I’m human. Complaining, venting, and seeking validation with other parents help keep me grounded. Parenting can be tiring, riddled with self doubts, anxiety filled and the most thankless job that I have ever done. Please don’t give me a guilt trip. I’m doing the best I can and I need support. Please don’t make me feel bad for using some comic relief to get me through my day.

    Sarah, complain, vent, and joke all you want about selling your kids on Ebay. There are many moms who can relate with your feelings while knowing you love your babies and are very thankful for their existence. It’s the moms who never complain that I worry about. I would hate to feel like I couldn’t share a stressful parenting moment out of fear of being thought of as a thankless mother. Parenting is like any other job, we all need to let a little steam off now and then.

    It’s all relative. I have a SIL who was struggling with infertility while I was having my babies. She took me on one guilt trip after another. Now she has 2 adopted children and 1 biological child and guess who complains more than me?

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  13. My Ditto List includes:
    ~D – totally right on re: those qualifying adjectives.
    slackermommy – yes, it is all relative – meaning, one person’s struggles might be another’s “Pffft, let me top that with mine” – but it doesn’t make the original person’s struggles any easier for themselves…Does it make them more or less legitimate to others? Maybe…
    The other thing…when we compare our lives to each others – it is not apples to apples – I mean here you have a gay man with a longing for his “own” children, and a SAHM battling depression – totally diff’rent strokes, folks – they can’t be compared.

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  14. I totally agree with slackermommy and HamIam (great names, btw).

    I had a friend that pulled that kind of crap on me ALL the time and it got old. Fast. I can feel sorry for them all day long, but I refuse to apologize for things I cannot personal control- i.e. someone’s infertility, inability to adopt.

    It’s great that you turned that comment into a positive. Good for you! But, people SERIOUSLY need to get off their high horse and realize not everything is about them. Sometimes a bad day is just a bad day. Life and especially parenthood is full of them. No need to add guilt and torment to that.

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  15. Sara, don’t feel one OUNCE of guilt for your previous post.

    I think that comment was out of line.

    The point of life is to live in the moment. To feel whatever it is we’re feeling IN THE MOMENT! And the feelings are ok to have, even the bad ones. It’s just life.

    My heart feels for those who struggle and/or can not have children. But their struggles are not an excuse to get self-righteous at a mother who’s simply having a bad day. And that whole 2-4 year toddler range….it’s enough to make even the most loving parent want to get rid of the kid.

    I know you, shit we practically are roommates as close as we live from one another, and I know you appreciate your kids too….just as much as any other mother who loves her kids. You’re allowed to have bad days with the kids Sara. Not only are you allowed, it’s OK too!! I promise. It’s ok!

    Feel on chickie!

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  16. Sara – I just can’t say how much I admire your response to being bitch-slapped – it’s tempting for me to get defensive when attacked, but you kept yourself full of grace and good humor -while not cowering in the corner either. Motherhood is a hard gig sometimes!

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  17. Uh, yea, what they said. Of course I love my children. Of course. Of. Course. but DAYAM they drive me batty. Don’t feel guilty for being honest. Just genuinely wish other people well while appreciating (and bitching) about your own life.

    BTW: LOVE me some daddy drive. That. Was. Hilarious.

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  18. ….I am used to getting heated email because of posts on my own blog but seriously a dozen emails later, let me say it clearly: I never said Sara (or anyone else for that matter) doesn’t have the right to complain or vent about a bad day. I know that one life cannot compare to another and that we all have our own crosses to bear; I get that, honestly. I wasn’t looking to guilt anyone or ask that anyone who isn’t me to make my own (or again, anyone else’s) life better. Seriously. Pinky swear.

    My only point was that some days are harder than others which was pretty much what Sara was saying to begin with: everyday isn’t sunshine and puppies, for her or anyone. Honestly, that was it, that was all, no more or no less.

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  19. I’ll soon have 5 boys. I wonder what I could get for a really cute one on ebay?
    We ALL have those days. Even those of us who don’t openly admit it.
    Sara, we all love ya & read ya because you SAY IT FOR US!

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  20. Wow, you handled that really well. I’ve seen major mudslinging on some blogs, nasty, nasty, but this was very civilized.
    I for one thought your original post was hilarious. Without reproductive technology, I wouldn’t be a mom, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have wretched days courtesy of my 2 year old either.
    Love your blog πŸ™‚

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  21. The fact that anyone would bitch at Charming Driver or interpret her comment as that she would suggest that one person’s problems could or should be compared to another’s, well, wow.

    If anyone knows that we all have our own cross to bear and that playing the “my life is worse than yours” game is pointless, it’s Charming Driver. Or, even better, the “I have no right to complain because your life is worse than mine.” Pointless, too.

    Bad days are bad days. The hierarchy of bad is irrelevant.

    Charming Driver is the “life as roller coaster” queen. She gets it. Read her. You’ll get it, too.

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  22. You are so right.
    And I think we all, as stressed out ‘humans’ deserve a little bitch slappin’ once in a while…

    That’s why we are here…to help each other get along in this life. And sometimes we need to be reminded the good is there as well as the bad.

    Bloggin’ should be about joy, sadness, love, venting…sharing everything that we would do with friends IRL…but more…because for some reason, we all feel safer expressing our deepest thoughts here.

    A good bitchfest is mandatory as well as a good bitchslap…now and then…we just have to be ‘nice’ about it all…

    Love you and your readers.

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  23. Your response was spot on. You clearly are introspective and that is what I am taking away from this post. Your are comfortable enough in yourself to reflect and say hey, she is right. I am lucky and yes, my worse day doesn’t touch the loss of not havin’ em at all.

    Well done Sub, ya emotional maturity is shining through!

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  24. I wouldn’t trade Charity for anything in the world, but she is 3, which means some days I want to run far far away where nobody can find me!

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  25. I thought your original post was funny. Nothing more serious than a vent.

    Glad you are handling this like a champ.

    It’s true, motherhood can be a BEYOTCH sometimes, but of course we love and appreciate our kids. Like Candace says…”Not that I Don’t Love My Kids.” Hehhehehe.

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  26. I went through 11 years of infertility… and I never got upset about parents complaining about their kids.

    Now watching the news and hearing all of the horrible things going on in the REAL WORLD concerning innocent children? Now THAT made me cry bitter and angry tears.

    Complaining about the kids is just a way for us to vent and stay sane. I can’t imagine life without my kids even though they drive me ape sh*t at times.

    BTW, I probably wouldn’t sell mine, but I might think about leasing them. πŸ˜‰

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  27. You handled this way better that I did when I read that comment!
    If we Mom’s can not vent about a bad day in a very funny way then what can we do???
    I don’t know how many times at the end of a hard day with the kids that I have looked at my husband and told him if tomarrow is not any easier than it was today then I will put up the ebay draft up and lease them out to someone else.
    I don’t know how many times the next day that it was harder than the day before yet still have yet to do what I have said i was going to.
    I love my kids. You love your kids.
    Sometimes a vent like yours is needed.
    I have yet to become comfortable in the blog world to write about my bad days….maybe its time.
    Keep on cause you are doing a fine job!

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  28. Everyone has those “wonder how much I should list my kid with a Buy it Now bid on eBay” days. Good Lord I have a 5-year-old daughter whose mood swings today just about drove me to break out the tequila by 11 a.m.

    Everyone needs a time and a place to vent. Blogging is just a newer and much more visible outlet for mothers, so it’s easier for naysayers to wag a finger at us because our venting sessions are in writing and available to anyone with an Internet connection and an opinion. Personally I think it’s much healthier to admit that parenting is hard, damn hard, then to tra la la in the daisy fields acting like our kids are perfect angels and that every moment is a blessing we want to frame and hang on the wall.

    I love my daughters more than anything in this world and I know I am lucky to be a mother, but there are days they drive me nuts and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that feeling!

    Self-righteous people who take on a holier than thou attitude generally are either pretty insecure or jealous. Or both.

    Keep on blogging your true thoughts on parenting. People with a sense of humor and a healthy outlook will “get it.”

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  29. While they certainly are blessings – children can also be … uh… something else! LOL! It is sooo much better to vent every once in awhile rather than letting it build up into resentment or even worse – abuse! I know you cherish them -even when they are driving you crazy!

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  30. I love my kids more than the air I breathe, and I went through fertility treatments for both of them. And yes, they make me insane regularly; they also make me proud regularly. Perfectly behaved kids would be more boring than white rice, and who wants that?

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  31. Yes – i have those complaining days too – they are called everyday – but I certainly agree my life would feel incomplete if I never had kids.

    And yes those little reminders are So necessary – I forget how great my 4 yr old can be. In the middle of trying to enjoy her while at the same time keeping her “in line” is a fuzzy line.

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