The Flip-Side of Depression…Normality.

I wake up to a 2 year old beside my bed. “It’s wakeup time mommy?” One eye peeping open says no, it’s still dark out, but these guys rarely go back to sleep once up, so sure baby, wakeup time it is. I stretch a bit, get out of bed, and turn on cartoons. Grab a blanket and snuggle with my youngest until the middle wakes up and joins us.

Once everyone is awake, the morning rush begins. Juice, breakfast, clothes on, and a fresh diaper for the little one. Oldest packs her backpack, and I have to tell her twice to remember her homework folder. *Sigh* One day she’ll get this on her own. Tuesday means husband works, older two have school, and youngest has mom’s day out- 4 lunches total. Assembly line it all, and before I know it we are all ready for the day. We are out the door 10 minutes early, definitely the sign of a good day.

The morning flies as I do errands, laundry and phone calls. Turn off the two lights Gabrielle left on, despite my reminder. Pick up the boys, they are crabby. Must have been a busy morning. No nap? Figures. Keep them distracted with snacks and silliness, making them giggle through their tired tears. The afternoon brings soccer practice, a dinner of leftovers, and little boys too tired to go to bed. Realize as I close their bedroom door this is the first time I’ve really had to raise my voice today, and I can count on one hand how many times in the last week. Cripes what a change! So often lately my throat has been sore from it by 7pm. Not this week.

A week of having energy again.

A week of truly enjoying being with my children, even in their less-than-happy moments.

A week where housework is just housework, not an overwhelming, insurmountable drudgery.

A week where I am still busy, still stressed, yet able to see the problems for what they are, not what my mind builds them up to be.

A week back on my anti-depressant medication.

(Written as a contrast to this post, I wanted to capture the feeling of ‘normal’, and a reminder to myself as to why anti-depressants are nothing to be ashamed of. Some of us need that extra help, and I think that contrast is a good illustration of why.)

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33 thoughts on “The Flip-Side of Depression…Normality.

  1. I commented somewhere else – might have been yesterday. You will have to pry my meds out of my cold dead hand some day – I will not give them up. I have tried a few times, but I always need to go back on them and for me the difference is so great – I am not going to try to do without, again.

    Nope, nothing to be ashamed of and I will tell anybody who wants to know, or who sounds like my story may benefit them. You go girl!

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  2. Hi Sara,
    I’m so glad to hear you are feeling more like yourself again. I lowered my antidepressant dose before conceiving but had to come to terms with the fact that for me, they are too important for my health (and subsequently the baby’s) to go off entirely.

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  3. So glad you’re feeling better! I need me some of that energy. I only have one kiddlin to keep up with but this pregnancy has sucked me DRY! Oh and Starlet’s temper does it too, of course.

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  4. Thanks for posting this! It’s really good to have people able to be open about it. I needed anti-depressants for a long time and didn’t realize it and they changed things for me. I went off them when trying to conceive and he’s 9 months now and I’m not back on them. I feel good, but I’ll go back quickly if I think I need to to stay “normal”. Thank you for sharing!

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  5. This is a great post. Your last few lines, especially this, “A week where I am still busy, still stressed, yet able to see the problems for what they are, not what my mind builds them up to be,” are so awesome, such a reach into how so many of us feel sometimes, or maybe, unfortunately, all the time. I just got back from vacation where I recaptured this sort of perspective about it all. I need to find a way to do that. More often.

    Julie
    Using My Words

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  6. I’ve been there. Isn’t it great when it all seems manageable. I’ve been on anti-d’s since my mom died the year after my son, so 11 years now. I figured I’ll be taking them forever. That’s cool. I so hate the it’s too much energy to take a shower feeling.

    I hope your week continues going well!!!

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  7. Thanks for sharing, Sara. No need to apologize for who you are. I wish everyone had the insight to realize that it’s okay to need a little help now and then.

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  8. Sounds like a good week! I’m not on anti-depressants, but sometimes I wonder if I should be most of the time it’s “normal” around here, but sometimes, I wonder…

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  9. I think it’s smart to have a reminder like this, for those folks who consider going off…some folks probably do better without, if they didn’t need them to begin with. But for those that really need them to function normally? They’re a godsend, I would say.

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  10. How I know that feeling! I was working with my GP to change my dose, and there were some rough patches before the calm came back. I’m hoping your good week turns into good months and more!

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  11. It’s definitely good to hear you feeling better. I was getting worried. Not worried worried, but just wanting to reach out to you worried.

    And you’re right. Anti-depressants are nothing to be ashamed of.

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  12. Every Gapmom I have ever known can’t live without her Zoloft!

    Did you know that the main ingredients of anti-depressants have been found in the water supplies from major cities around the country? That’s how popular they are.

    Better living thru Pharmacology! πŸ˜‰

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  13. I’m glad that you are feeling better. Anti depressants are nothing to be ashamed of. I started taking them a few months ago and feel SO much better. My kids are happier for me being ‘normal’
    Loved your post

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  14. oh Sara, i’m so glad to read this post. i think of you a lot while dealing with my own crap. i’m still trying to find meds that make me feel normal….i’ve gone through two different meds so far, and i’m still completely lacking in energy, emotional volitile….generally not feeling like me. it sucks.

    i’m glad you’ve got some normal back…i’m smiling for you! πŸ™‚

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  15. I was just thinking about us “Betamoms” and if that has anything to do with depression. I wonder how many of us Beta’s also have/have had depression.
    Are we really Gapmoms with a chemical imbalance? heh.

    Glad you are feeling better and that this works for you!

    I have to work REALLY hard sometimes to stay sane.

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  16. Amen Sisters. And I hope that some women who typically have been anti-anti-depressant drugs read these comments. It makes me so angry when people send the message to those who have not yet sought medical help for depression that “the sun will come out tomorrow…chin up.” It won’t and you can’t without help. Good for you Sara–and good luck.

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