A Point to Ponder

Recently it was pointed out that (paraphrasing) a true measure of a person’s ethics is what they do when they think no one is looking.

This weighed heavily on my mind as another message board drama ensued, the basis of it being people gossiping about a former member who no longer had access to that board. A person who felt they were still friends with the majority of the current members, particularly those who were talking about her.

When it was discovered, no one piped up with “Damn, we shouldn’t have talked about her like that”. Most did not express regret, although one did email her and apologize. Instead there was shock and outrage, wanting to know how she figured out she was being talked about.

There was more concern with the state of security of the board than there was for the feelings of the target of the gossip. 😯

For once I feel like I did the right thing- I left. They are not bad people, but the behavior is not something I want to be a part of or associated with. I’m sure I am losing a friendship or three by leaving, and I know I will be the next to be talked about.
Better that than having to worry if people will find out what I said about them behind passworded forums.

We all indulge in our share of juvenile behavior now and then, I think I’ll stick to raising Sea Monkeys.

Posted in Old

17 thoughts on “A Point to Ponder

  1. Wow.

    Deja vu.

    I left a message board that I and 3 others started after I expressed concerns over the shit talking that was going on behind the scenes. I was party to it in a reluctant way, but my conscious was literally making me sick. I couldn’t sit there anymore and watch them literally rip women to shreds behind the scenes and be “supportive and caring” to their faces. It was gross.

    One of the founding members and I got into it, I left the board altogether, but I mistakenly confided what was going on behind the scenes to a friend that was still there. She spilled the beans. There was much drama.

    I thought the other members of the board would have been shocked and outraged, but alas, no one was. No one seemed to care. The big shit talkers “apologized” and went on their merry way. I of course am now an outcast that has been demonized for daring to expose their dirty little secret. Urm. Logic anyone?

    What really hurts is that I spent several years cultivating relationships with these people, but apparently it was one sided. I still think about it and it still hurts.

    I’ve gone sour over message boards. I prefer blogs because they are much less personal, and if someone dosen’t like you, they can click the little red x.


  2. I have come to the realisation that message boards attract lots of people that I would never, ever associate with in real life, and that spending time on such forums is a waste of time and saps any positive energy I have.

    It took me WAY too long to come to that realisation, but I did in the end.

    I too prefer blogs, and here’s the snob in me, but I guess if you take the time to write a blog, more often than not you will have something interesting to say, and you can say it in an articulate manner. Two attributes generally missing from one message board I frequented for a while!


  3. Good choice. It always amazes me what some people will say behind the veil of the internet that they would never, ever say in real life to someone’s face.


  4. :mrgreen: I’m very proud of you! It took me until my early 30’s to comprehend that gossip is very harmful to others. I make a huge effort never to say anything negative about anyone behind their backs. If I have an issue I go to the source. I’m also at a point where what others think of me doesn’t matter in the long run if I believe in what I’m doing.

    My motto: Not my job to judge. I’ll leave that to God. 😎


  5. Good for you Sara! I hate gossip- although I will admit gossiping and then catching myself and giving my head a WHACK!

    I really like blogs, or online forums made up of people you actually know much better….

    Cyber relationships and backbiting nastiness get SO old!

    I must say DH hangs out on some popular men filled boards (fishing, diving, hunting) and they never have gossip problems… why are we women so mean to each other?


  6. It’s funny how people turn like that when they think their “privacy” is being invaded, yet talking shit about someone who is not there to defend themselves is perfectly acceptable.
    Messageboards really take on a life of their own, and they are not to be messed with. You cannot have differing opinions, religious views or parenting techniques or you will be the brunt of cyber bullying.

    I find it amazing, yet sad, how much gall people have when they are find a computer screen.

    I’m sorry for this person that was unjustly attacked. That’s never fair or fun…. I’ve been there.


  7. IMO. Message Boards are like play groups. Same drama. One on the computer and one online. I was a member of mommytips for years. Very cliqueish group of mothers. Very critical if you dare say the wrong thing. Very insecure about themselves. You had to always censor your opinion. If you were not thinking like the majority you were alienated. Nice people – in general – but backstabbing. ALWAYS talking behind your back. Behind somebodys back. And then pretending to be their friend to their face. But I think this is a normal state of the message board world. Of the internet. It brings out the worst in people. I left. I much prefer this world of blogging. Because for one. I don’t have to apologize for having an opinion that goes against the grain. I don’t feel Obligated to answer a blog post that I don’t particularily have interest in – just to be polite. If I don’t like it. I don’t answer it. Period. No fighting. No snarky comments. No nastiness. It’s a simple thing. :0) No more message boarding for moi.


  8. Oh and I totally agree with Annie (above) about attracting people I would probably have nothing in common within real life. Very true.


  9. Oh, the glory rides of the drama llama

    Just goes to show that true friends are hard to find.

    And if we wanted to talk about ethics, we would examine situational ethics of a message board. So is it ok to run someone off a message board and be clear you are NOT their friend?

    If you’re gonna be an online bitch, at least be consistent and don’t pretend to be her friend afterwards.


  10. I’ll 50th the Good for You! I have left at least 2 message boards – when women are supportive, it is WONDERFUL..when they are not, they are AWFUL – catty, vicious and spiteful – it’s amazing what women can do to each other…

    good for you, S


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