Men Are the New Sea Monkeys

At 28 years old, I just started a new tank of Sea Monkeys. Not for my kids, oooooh no. These are all for me. I had a tank of them as a kid and somehow or another they disappeared, probably into the peach shag carpeting in my room. So now I am reliving my childhood with a fresh batch of little swimmy things. I know it’s dorky, but I truly love them. They are the coolest pets for people like me- they swim like fish but even if you forget to feed them for a few days you won’t find them belly up in the tank later on. Feed them twice a week, never have to clean the tank…Really, I wish my kids were so low-maintenance!

In thinking of this, I was reminded of something Dr. Laura likes to say, about how men are really simple creatures at heart. According to her, all men truly want is for their women to feed them, give them sex, and adore them. Yes, they want other things also, but like women need friendships and cute shoes, these are the said to be the basic things men need out of their marriages.

So what do you guys think? Is this completely over-simplifying men’s needs, or are men truly simple creatures, and it’s us women who over-complicate things? Are men the new Seamonkeys? Do they just need to be fed, laid, and given a little fussing over? Do you do these things for your spouse?

Any dad bloggers care to weigh in?

Posted in Old

33 thoughts on “Men Are the New Sea Monkeys

  1. I totally agree with Dr. Laura’s and Sara’s sentiment- if I gave all that to my husband on a regular basis he would NEVER complain. Except maybe about a dirty house….


  2. Saw you on MyBlogLog and thought I’d stop by and say Hi! Ironic too because my daughter just started our first sea monkey family ever. They just “hatched” a few days ago and now are starting to get bigger. I’ve seen these goofy things advertised since I was a little kid and they were in my Boy’s Life magazine. Too funny!


  3. I think that is true about men. Though is it really that easy to feed and give sex and adore all the time. Sounds pretty tiring to me. But maybe that’s just me. LOL Sea monkeys are easier. hahah


  4. My husband is not like that at all. In fact, for a long time I thought those sayings about men were jokes, because none of the men I know are like that (though honestly, the description somewhat fits me).


  5. Me hungry. Me want food. Me horny. Me want sex. Me ego need stroking. Stroke me ego wiman stroke. Me tired now. Me go sleep. Grunt. Grunt. Fart. Fart.

    Dr, Laura is whacked out. Isn’t she the same who thinks gays need to be retrained & straightened out? I love how she dishes out morality when she began her relationship while her husband was still married to another woman and they had kids.

    I’m not saying she’s wrong, I’m not saying she’s right. If she is right, then no damn wonder divorce rates are so frickin’ high.


  6. I’m a guy so no one should be surprised to hear that I think that’s a load of crap. But still, I do. To say that’s a truism is like saying that all women are overly sensitive and want nothing more than to go shoe shopping. Admittedly men, like women, have their faults but it’s always dangerous to paint with a broad brush. There are more things to life than food and getting laid and I like to think that a lot of men and dads like me are much more sophisticated than that.

    If you can’t tell, I do not at all agree 😉


  7. Leave it to good old Dr. Laura to trivialize men with these simple assumptions. She’s a fucking idiot. And with a view of men like this, it’s not surprising that she’s never had a healthy relationship in her entire life. This, after all, is coming from a woman with a self-proclaimed completely dysfunctional family and who had an affair with a man who was happily married for over 20 years.

    I’d like to think that most men I know who are happily married are looking for a little more than food, sex, and a little adoration. Give us a little more credit than that, eh?

    Ugh…I fucking hate Dr. Laura.


  8. If you mean “completely different from the simplistic, overidealized fantasy used to market them, and likely to set up a world of unmet expectations when you get them home if you actually buy into that crap,” then yeah, men are just like sea monkeys.


  9. It may not be totally true, but it is partly true, at least for my husband. More sex = more happy husband. He is brilliant and wonderful, but emotionally he’s incredibly simple. It might sound condescending, but it’s not. It’s just the way he is.
    I don’t know about other men, just mine. 🙂


  10. I don’t agree with Dr. Laura’s sentiments. If women are seeing that this all men want then obviously a bunch of women have married the WRONG man.

    Ps: Chris- I’m a woman and I think this is a load of crap!


  11. Not only is it not over-simplifying things, I say its not simplifying things enough. Men are two notches above amoebas as far as simplicity is concerned.

    A more harsh way to restate what you said in your post is what men say when women are not around…feed me, f*** me, shut the f*** up. Of coarse this is our course way to communicate to each other cave man style, but it rings true. We need food, sex and a tiny bit of peace and quiet. But let’s be honest…who really cares what men need? 🙂


  12. First of all, I got a tad dyslexic on my use of the words coarse / course. My bad.

    And though I respect my fellow dad-bloggers I have to take an opposing viewpoint here. Even men as erudite and elegant as my bro Metrodad are at their most base element men. And we men—like it or not—are, at our very core, all giggling at fart jokes.


  13. OK Sara, another opinion from a dad blogger:

    I love food and sex, and the occasional nice compliment too. But those are only minor players in my character.

    I read about husbands who come home from work and expect dinner to be made and the house to be perfect, and I think “Damn, am I the one that strange here?” I’ve never expected anything like that out of my wife, because I know that just trying to keep a shred of sanity while dealing with the kids throughout the day is sometimes the best you can do.

    I help out with meals as much as I can, have no aversion whatsoever to changing diapers, and do my best to contribute to the housework. The best enjoyment I derive from sex is making sure that my wife is having a good time and getting her O’s…. no lie.

    And husbands that are addicted to sports, tv and video games? Sorry. Don’t do those either. Too many other worthwhile things to do than to waste my time with those.

    I’ve known some “food-sex-compliment men” in my time, and they’re pretty unidimensional in personality.

    And I can enjoy a good fart joke like any guy.


  14. Well I am glad to see Dr. Laura is putting all of that college education to good use. So many dad’s have already commented about what bullshit this is that I won’t go into great detail. Let’s just sum it up by saying that this has nothing to do with “men”. She has hit on the widely acceptd basics that any life form needs: Food/nurishment, sex/reproduction. I can’t believe she didn’t add a clean home since that is the third basic need (shelter). And I thought Dr. Phil was bad. the nickname Dr. Moto (Master Of The Obvious) now goes to Dr. Laura.


  15. First of all, I make it a basic principle of life to NEVER agree with Dr. Laura. Ever. Second, I LOVE the title of this post. YOu need to put it on a t-shirt!! Finally, you MAY be right. But don’t quote me.


  16. Personally, I can’t stand Dr. Laura. Never could. What a self-righteous bitch.

    With that said, I’ve dealt with a wide assortment of men over the years from various walks of life and I’ve come to the conclusion that stereotyping people based on gender alone is totally unproductive. Some men are deeply emotional and involved in their family lives, others have no use for women aside from sex and food. I do my best to avoid the latter when possible.

    And as someone stated earlier, we all need food, sex, and companionship. It comes with being human. They’re certainly high priorities for me. I won’t even date a man if he can’t or won’t cook. 😉


  17. This is funny. I can see some truth to that just based on what my husband told me earlier in the week. I made a nice supper with the entree he’d requested a little while before that. It was something I’d never made before, so I hunted down a recipe and made it. When he ate dinner that night, he said “If you cooked something like this every night, I’d be a very happy man”. So, there you have it in his own words. However, I do believe he’s a little more complicated then just food, sex, and compliments. But none of those things ever hurt.


  18. I don’t listen to “Dr” Laura. But, I always heard and tend to believe that if you ask a man “How are you?” he thinks ‘Am I horny? Am I tired? Am I hungry?’ and if he answers no to all these, he will say “Fine.” No offense to my DH but I think those are the only things he cares about mostly. I don’t see him fretting over the pile of laundry or pile of dishes or balancing the checkbook. Not that I mind running the frakkin’ house or making ALL the appointments, or faxing paperwork to various “professionals” or trying to plan a budget when he keeps using the damn check card and not entering it into the checkbook after I told him a million times to just get cash out of savings……..anyhoo, I just need a “Well done honey” and not in reference to how he wants his hamburger cooked.


  19. “And we men—like it or not—are, at our very core, all giggling at fart jokes.”

    See Sara, I told you I was a man trapped in a woman’s body!!!

    I’ve been thinking about it and I dunno y’all. I imagine a world where someone cooked for me all of the time, gave me sex where I was guaranteed an O each and every time, and adored me and that ain’t sounding so bad.

    I think Laura makes men sound very shallow. However, I think the ring of truth in the statement, and it hasn’t nothing to do with her expertise on relationships because *snort* with her affair but more of human tendency, is that some people are not looking for any higher fulfillment in life than those very basic things. That applies to men and women. Whose to say it’s wrong though….to not want more out of life? Are they they happier ones because they are so easily satisfied? Or is it the people looking for more meaning? I dunno!


  20. update–I asked the hubby “what do you expect out of our marriage” He said “companionship, kids, and being fed well couldn’t hurt.” I was surprised. Thanks for sparking that conversation.


  21. Matt. Sea monkey?
    I swear I’m the sea monkey in the relationship.He works all day, makes dinner helps with the kids cleans. the list goes on.
    But I do love me some sea monkeys


  22. Leave it to “Dr. Laura” to take a “Blue Collar Comedy” joke and turn it into a so-called “fact”

    “All men are thinking is, I’d like a beer, and I’d like to see something naked”
    – Jeff Foxworthy

    “Men need three things, that’s all. Sleep, Sex, and Food. That’s it.”
    – Bill Engvall

    It is a joke. A humorously understated way of talking about the differences between men and women and what they “perceive” they need out of a relationship (not all that they *want*). It is a stereotype. And as with all stereotypes there is a certain basis in reality to it (See. Mitch’s answer).

    Many men (usually myself included) will offhandedly reject this as a *total* falsehood, but I will suggest that these men most likely also have simply forgotten what their lives were B.C. (before children), because before my daughter was born my “needs” were probably closer to the simplicity suggested than the more complex and complete person I think I have come to be since my daughter was born, (which is also a far more complex version of the man I was before I was married).

    This is a long way of saying that I do not agree with the sentiment as being as complete as it is suggested to be, but that there is a small amount of truth in the base of it.


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