My Skirt Blows, But There is No Breeze

Confession #221…I will not pass gas in front of my husband.

Yes, we are married. Yes, we’ve been together almost 9 years. No, I refuse to let him hear the sound of my farts.

I realize this makes me a total freak in the world of married gals. My playgroup buddies have gotten quite a laugh out of this, and the Queen in particular likes to rib me about it. They all pass gas in front of their men, many of them will leave the bathroom door open and do all kinds of things while in the same room.

I just. can’t. do. it.

Don’t get me wrong, he has heard me before. You can’t sleep in the same bed with someone and NOT hear them let them out as they snore. And it’s not that he would even have a problem with it. God knows he has no problem doing it in front of me. (As loud as he lets them go I suppose you could say he has no problems doing it in front of the neighbors also.) I just can’t. I will literally get up and go to another room if I think it will be too loud to conceal. And if the are really smelling bad, I will find something to do elsewhere.

So there you have it, my confession of What’s Under My Sk*rt. You won’t hear it, but if my skirt’s a blowin’, you’ll be a knowin’!

Speaking of things that go on below skirt level, check out our fiber supplement review over at Suburban Reviews!

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18 thoughts on “My Skirt Blows, But There is No Breeze

  1. LOL – That is too funny! Of course I felt that way at first – but after that, it’s all fair play…He did it, I did it… now my son does it!


  2. Girl, I am exactly the same way. My husband is all “Why did you just get up from bed to go into the closet?” Jokes on him though because it’s his closet.


  3. Pregnancy cured me as well. Until then I too wanted to maintain the illusion of delicacy, but seriously, once your husband has accompanied you to the OB’s office and seen you with your legs in stirrups or heard you being questioned about constipation problems, I think the gig is up.


  4. All’s fair in love and war baby!

    Farts are just another way of saying, “hey baby, I love you THAT much.”

    And while I may leave the door open in the bathroom, it’s NEVER while dropping a load, iykwim? Only teetee! Because he if can stand there and whiz while I’m in the shower, then why can’t I sit and take a leak? At least he can’t SEE my stream like I can his.


  5. Megan, hang around our crazy asses much more and we’ll have you thinking about things you never never thought you would. We’re cool like that.


  6. Hey, I’m a freak too! My first husband was absolutely disgusting. Not only did he blow loud farts, but more often than not they smelled like something alien had crawled up his butt. He tortured me with HIS gas, but guess what? I never ever let one go intentionally in front of him. If I did on accident he would laugh and laugh and laugh. I think it scarred me for life.

    With my current soon-to-be-ex, he’s just as retentive as I am. I have never heard him let one go, and I’ve only smelled one once. He’s very private with his hiney goings ons. Of course this rule does not apply to our son, he is ALL boy 🙂


  7. I’m the same way! I NEVER fart in front of my husband. Except, once. I farted on accident…while he was, um, down south. With his face. I farted in it. And then I blurted out “It wasn’t me!” like he wouldn’t know. After all, his nose was mere inches from my butt. He probably felt a breeze. I still blush thinking about that.


  8. I let it all hang out in front of my hubby….I mean, if he can handle my inability to grow hair and my lack of eyebrows and eyelashes….he can handle a fart or two!


  9. Ha! Too funny! If you are a freak then I am a freak – I can’t do it either! And if I do by chance – he will roll on the floor laughing making it worse for me!


  10. I have NEVER tooted in front of the hubs and he has NEVER tooted in front of me. We have NEVER left the door open when either of us has gone to the bathroom.
    And we’ve been married six years.
    You are not alone.


  11. I’m the same way! My boyfriend gently reminds me that he can hear me in the bathroom but I reply, that is an entirely different story! I am doing such things in the room in which they are intended! Harrumph!


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