I got a message on Myspace awhile back from an ex. Not like a REAL ex, just a we-went-together-for-a-month-when-I-was-15 kind of ex. I remembered him right away, he was a sweetheart way back when, if a little dorky. Not so much anymore, at least according to his pics. I’m not sure when it happened, but this ex got hot! So when he emailed asking how I was and saying great I looked, I admit I was tickled. And hey, I like catching up with old friends, nothing wrong with that, right?
We started IM’ing a bit here and there, nothing regular, and he was a bit flirty, but I always put the can on it quick- usually the words I used were “Save it for the single chicks!”, and he’d laugh. Only last night he started IM’ing me and it went a bit differently. After a bit of chit-chat he suggests we should get together and catch up on old times. Did I mention he is still in VA, over 1,000 miles away and I am MARRIED?? Bit of a long drive for a lunch date, no?
I remind him of this and his words were, loosely quoted, “You don’t want to catch up again? What, was the sex that bad?? 😉 ” Oh. My. God. No he didn’t! This my friends is where I realized he made about the biggest mistake a guy can make. He’d remembered my name, but didn’t remember us actually dating. How do I know this? I never slept with him.
After giving it about 2.5 seconds of thought, I decided a lesson was in order. I told him the encounter was AWFUL, that he’d lasted about 3 minutes and it was about the worst sex I’d ever had. He got quiet, then said something about people changing. I literally was in tears laughing my ass off as I told him no, the sex was THAT bad, there were no second chances, and then with the final blow told him I wouldn’t sleep with him if I were divorced and he was literally the last man on earth. Dead. Silence.
I was tempted to sign off after that, but decided it would have been no good if he didn’t know the mistake he’d made. I fessed up, and told him if he ever wanted to score with a female he might try actually remembering who she was and what went on between them. He tried to cover saying he knew we hadn’t hooked up and he was playing along, but he was full of it, there was no faking that one. I blocked him from my IM and called it a day.
I don’t expect he’ll be trying to look up any other old girlfriends for a little while 😉