There Won’t Be a Closeup…Right?

Bad days. We all have them. As the saying goes, you have to take the good with the bad, so you have to expect a bad one once in awhile. What you don’t expect is a day so bad it starts with breaking your blog, and ends with a broken van. Grab some popcorn, this is gonna be a long one.
I should have known last night’s insomnia would catch up with me. I could have taken something to help me sleep, and not stayed up till 1am, but it is so rarely silent in a house with 3 kids that I just couldn’t pull myself away from my comfy chair and my laptop. Once I did go to bed it wasn’t until around 2:30 that I finally fell asleep, which meant that naturally Lucifer and Beelzebub Brendan and Damian were up at 6am on the nose. I am not a coffee drinker, but had I had access to a needle I probably would have made some and improvised an IV drip just for the caffeine. As it was I settled for Cherry Coke. By 9:30 I still hadn’t dressed or even begun to feel remotely human, and I realized I had to do something.

My bright idea? Same thing I usually do on days I feel depressed, tired, or ugly.  I shower, I put on full makeup, and wear something fabulous. Not ‘favorite jeans and T’ fabulous either, like ‘something I might wear if my husband and I ever went out alone’ fabulous. I have a gorgeous navy and white sundress I have been saving for the annual company picnic, but today it just felt like the perfect thing. I quickly realized that while the weather is in spring mode, my legs are..err..not. The current head on my razor might be in good shape for a quick swipe of the underarms, but clearly the stuff growing on my ankles is going to require reinforcements, so I change the razor head to a fresh one, and away we go. I shampoo my hair and start the first leg, and thats when it happened. I still am not exactly sure where exactly I went wrong, but something between the way I balanced my hand on the leg being shaved, and the other hand holding the razor, but the two managed to meet, and for what seemed like hours, time stood still. I was nothing less than dumbfounded as I looked down at my razor which now had a big piece of fingernail sticking out from between the blades, and back to the hand said fingernail piece came from, which was now starting to sting and bleed. Yes folks, in the process of shaving my legs, I actually managed to hack off part of my fingernail, and a bit of finger said nail was attached to. Really, there should be an award for this special brand of clumsiness, dontcha think? I nearly jumped out of the shower to wrap it up when I looked down and realized I had only shaved one leg at this point. No. Uh-uh. I hate shaving my legs, so I’ll be damned if I am going to let anything stand in the way of finishing this job. So I did what any woman would do- I kept going.  I turned my arm up behind my back under the water, shaved the other leg with the remaining hand, and did my damndest to ignore the blood running down the drain. Once I got out I wrapped it up in a bandaid(trying NOT to drop the F bomb in front of my kids while doing so) and finished getting ready.

Once done, the effort was beyond worth it. I thought for sure this was going to be the turn of my day. I can proudly say I looked AWESOME today. The dress somehow managed to make my boobs look bigger, my waist smaller, and totally ignored my butt altogether. I can honestly say if I wasn’t already me, I’d totally do me today, I looked that good. So off I took my hot self to hubby’s office to drop off some forgotten items, picked up lunch, and afterwards ran to the bank.(Hubby thought I looked great too! Whoot!)

By this point my mood has gotten significantly better and things are looking up.  I feel good, and once I get done at the bank, I’m going to get the boys down for a nap and get some housework done. Life is good. Halfway to the bank we start to hear a sort of low clicking/snapping sound. I pulled over and looked under my van. Seeing nothing I decided it sounded like a small rock rolling around in my rim. I get back on the road and get to the bank. Or, what used to be our bank. Amsouth was recently bought out by two banks, and after spending twenty minutes in line, I realized our closest branch has already been switched over to the bank that our account was not assigned to. I have to now go down the road to a different branch. Crap, 20 minutes till the 2pm cutoff for deposits. I do make it in time, and get back home to get the boys down.

As we are getting out of the van at home, we hear a loud hissing sound, and words I do NOT want to hear from my daughter right then. “Mommy, there’s air coming out of your tire really fast!” Shit. Shit. No. Yes, the air is going fast, and it does not look like I could possibly make it to Walmart to get the tire fixed before it goes flat. But do I just let it sit there?? What?? I call hubby at work, and ask what to do. “What do you mean what to do? You can’t drive it.” I know I say, I am worried about that I wouldn’t make it, but I don’t know what else to do. “Do you have somewhere to be or something?” No. “Well why can’t we just take the tire off and take it in my car tomorrow to go get it fixed?” I don’t know I say, do we have the stuff to do that here? *silence* And then he says to me, no lie, “Yes Sara, we do. It’s called a jack. We have one. In the back of your van.” Alright Mr. Smartass, cut me some slack, its not like I do this every day! He tells me later his co-workers got QUITE the laugh hearing this story. Ha ha.

Needless to say the rest of the day did not get better. The boys refused to nap, I barely got anything done, and I flat-out refused to even try to cook dinner. At this rate I’d probably have burned down the kitchen. All day I kept my eye out, certain someone was  going to jump out of the bush and say “Surprise! This has all been a setup, you’re on Candid Camera!” It never did happen, but I’d have looked darn good if it had! 😉

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6 thoughts on “There Won’t Be a Closeup…Right?

  1. For the sake of feeling better. I too have hacked off a nail shaving my legs. I could picture it crystal clear (well I wasn’t picturing you naked no worries)
    I don’t know anything about changing tires my damn self that is what Matt and AAA is for 🙂


  2. R U sure that it wasn’t April Fools Day? Sorry your day sucked! I’ve had days like that where you’re just afraid to ask “what’s next”, cause you just know it’ll happen if you ask. At least today is another day, hopefully it’ll be better.


  3. Poor baby!! I can tell you, i have definately had days like that. The tire thing.. i dont even know how to change a tire.. thats why i married matt!


  4. Yeah, he knew about the jack because the words Jack and Ass go so well together. I would also worry about how long a car can sit on a rim before starting to bend it and causing a whole new expense to add onto the expense of a new tire. It’s called being proactive & smart enough to at least ASK the question. And even if the smartness is tinged with a tiny bit of a car mechanic air-head, we should totally be able to reveal that slight air-head personality to our husbands, right?


  5. I too have hacked off bits of fingernail. It makes me shudder just remembering. Also, have managed to slice probably every finger on my hand open while shaving my legs, which defiantly sprout hair more of the bristly pubic variety than the soft fine downy hair so many women seem to grow.


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