One Day He Will Find This in His Email.

Dear Husband,

If I want your advice on how to make my cupcakes, I’ll ask. Obviously you have become an expert on baking for 3rd graders at some point, but if so, it certainly wasn’t through experience gained in this house.

Please, by all means get pissy I didn’t run those errands for you like I said I would while you were away. I’m sorry, obviously renting you a game and picking up epoxy should have taken precedence over caring for our children alone 24/7 for 5 days while trying to put together the basket for our daughter’s class for the biggest fund raiser of the year. Whatever was I thinking?

No, don’t worry about saying thank you for me dropping everything to drive 25 minutes away to see if Best Buy had those clearanced video games you saw advertised 4 days ago this morning. I enjoyed the drive and the wasted gas, and its not like I have anything better to do. Besides, who doesn’t like shopping with a screaming two year old? He certainly kept me alert at I fruitlessly searched for what I knew didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of being there.

And no, don’t dream of apologizing for the bitchyness you displayed with me for our daughter taking legos in the tub. Yes, I certainly understand what they will do to the septic system should they go down the drain, but what YOU fail to realize is that I was never asked nor made aware she’d done this. Did you see her come ask permission to take them in the tub? No? Me either.

And for the last damn time, quit giving me The Look when I sit down with my laptop at night. When you start asking my opinion on what we watch on tv at night, I will spend less time on here. One day you are going to figure out the military channel does NOTHING for me, and I’d rather slit my wrists with a dull butterknife than watch another special on the Battle of Somefuckingplaceinengland.

Your Loving Wife,

Posted in Old

6 thoughts on “One Day He Will Find This in His Email.

  1. Here’s a trick, every night, several nights in a row, before he can get the remote, hide it, then miraculously “find” it, turn it to some girly, crafty channel, then snuggle up to him, pay him nothing but attention, smothering him with it… eventually, he’ll want you to go back to the laptop, when he says the craft show doesnt do anything for him, tell him his military channel makes you want to go “balistic”.. all men are alike, no matter what anyone says, it sounds like your a good wife and mom! Keep up the good work, i’m a new fan!


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