This Fairy Godmother is a Pimp in Drag.

the ex had a ‘man moment’ last week. One of those moments when a guy does something utterly stupid that no woman would ever do. He calls me up and tells me we are going to a Mardi Gras ball. One we had already decided not to go to(but he forgot to tell our host). The tickets were already printed and non-transferable, and less than 2 weeks away. So he tells me “go ahead and order that dress you were looking at”.

I realize in man-world going to a formal event is just a matter of going to a rental place, getting measured, and a week later you have a perfectly fitted tux. You ladies know it is NOT that easy for the rest of us. The dress in question would have been coming from China, so 2 weeks is not sufficient time to make sure it gets here and fits well without alteration. I wish it did work that way!

So I explain to him I need to find something locally, something that can be tried on. I found an AMAZING resale shop here that specializes in women’s formalwear, and surely they will have something. It’s a crunch, but this can be done. I head down there this past weekend and after trying on 16 different gowns, found THE dress. One shouldered, sparkly iridescent blue, this truly is as close to Cinderella’s ball gown as I will ever get.

Lucky for her, Cinderella had a fairy godmother who was one hell of a seamstress. A wave of her wand and she was dressed to the nines in a gown that fit her perfectly. My guess is Cinderella was not 5’3. As beautifully as it fits everywhere else, my gown is too long. No one in town can do the alteration in time for the ball on Wednesday, so whats a girl to do?

If you can’t bring the dress up, you bring the girl up. A wave of my check card, and Cinderella’s glass slippers will be replaced by hooker shoes. No, I’m not joking. White 6 inch platform heels to be exact.


They should give me enough extra height that the dress length problem will be solved, and surprisingly enough they really aren’t that hard to walk in. If they had had clear or silver it would have been better, but time and selection are limited so I had to go with what was available at the time.

I wonder if Snoop Dog knows the lyrics to Bibbity Bobbity Boo?

Posted in Old

6 thoughts on “This Fairy Godmother is a Pimp in Drag.

  1. This is a riot. You will remember this ball more than any other for just this fiasco. It’s priceless. Enjoy it and work those shoes for all they’re worth!!!


  2. You are right they are not that hard to walk in. I have a red pair. My husband gave them to me for christmas about 4 years ago. I have worn mine to two mardi gras balls this year. I am 5 ft and hubby 6 ft so it really helps on the height. I say also work those shoes because believe me you will get people starring and some giving complements. The last ball I went to one of the maskers tells me in the restroom “I have never seen shoes that big.” I just said, “thanks”. Later on I told my husband I should have said you don’t get to strip clubs much do you. Have a great time at the ball.


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