Sara O'Flaherty

Major, major update for those who follow my blog but not my Twitter stream (they knew days ago! ) – the ex and I reached an agreement on the whole settlement issue. It involved cash payment up front so I could do as I planned and get a new place, and him buying back a few of the larger furniture items I had been awarded by the court that he wanted to keep. I thought overall we were both happy enough with it. We drew up a contract and he came over and signed it, and I thought, naively, that that would be the end of it.

My how things change quickly. Almost immediately after the contract was signed and money changed hands, I started getting emails about how he talked to his lawyer, and the court’s decision that I get all the household stuff didn’t include blah blah blah (fill in the blanks, because he is trying to make it sound like pretty much most of the stuff in the house). Nothing belonging to the kids, nothing belonging to him from before we were together (which clearly I agree with), and nothing he terms as ‘gifts’, which he has now expanded to mean anything anyone has ever given us for free, ever, and some of which we paid for. He is also trying to say ‘household items’ does not include appliances, so he gets to keep both refrigerators, even though the agreement he and I drew up includes him buying one from me.  (For the record, the house did not come with a fridge, and we would be taking it with us if we’d moved. I am not talking about appliances that came with the house, like the stove).  As part of the agreement he is supposed to pay me the final $1,000 when I move out by the 11th of December, and as you can imagine he is trying to say anything and everything is reason for him to not follow through on that signed, video-taped contract.

The court papers were exceedingly clear in that he gets the kids bedroom furniture, and I am awarded the remaining household items. I can’t think of any way at all it could be more clear. Yet he continues to try to bargain for, and when that doesn’t work, bully me into, giving him things that I have been awarded by the court. He has even gone so far as to offer to trade me things I already own, for things that I’ve told him are not for sale. The logic, or lack thereof, has been absolutely comical at times, and great fodder for conversation with friends who swear I need to write a book about my experiences when this is all finished.

His visit today was not so comical. In fact it came close to downright scary. He came over to drop off the washing machine, and knowing he was coming I had the video camera ready (something I started some time ago for my own safety).  For those who may have doubted or thought I was exaggerating when I describe his behavior, you can not see it with your own eyes. Nothing happens until about a minute in, and you can see when he comes in he is immediately pissy and confrontational, despite the fact that I’d said nothing to him or even tried to initiate conversation.  Warning ahead of time- there is some language here so I’d deem it NSFW, or not safe to listen to around kids.

The police won’t issue a restraining order unless he actually does something (I looked into this back when everything first went down) but luckily this will all be over soon as I have agreed to be moved out by the 11th. Needless to say after his behavior today, I will be carrying my pepper spray on me as well, in addition to keeping the video camera running.

I’m taking no chances.