holidays

Happy Mother’s Day to Those Hallmark Has Forgotten

Mother’s Day has always been something of a hard day for me. I am one of those horrible people who chooses not to have a relationship with her own mother, and while I don’t regret it for a second, it makes Mother’s Day somewhat bittersweet. As I log into Facebook tomorrow I will get to see half a million status updates of people thanking their moms for being so wonderful, pictures chiding people that they should always appreciate the woman who brought them into this world, and thank goodness I don’t have cable, because I’m pretty sure the Hallmark and FTD commercials would be enough to put me over the edge.

Not every mother is wonderful, and not every person who gives birth is worth celebrating, and there are many, many people who should be recognized on Mother’s Day but aren’t.

I was in Hallmark today, and I didn’t see any cards recognizing those who should be mothers, but through battles with infertility are not…yet.

There was also a lack of cards for those who have been pregnant but suffered losses, and those who have lost a child.

You won’t generally find cards for women who are non-custodial mothers, those who are estranged from their children for their own health and sanity, or those who have given children up for adoption.

Not every mother or those who wish to be fit into the standard soppy holiday mold, but know that you are thought of, and appreciated, nonetheless. I wish you love and peace on this bittersweet day tomorrow.

Why We Are Celebrating Steak and BJ Day, and Why You Should Be Too

Steak and Blowjob Day…Have you heard of it?  Most people haven’t, and I suspect there is a vast conspiracy on the part of wives everywhere to keep it that way.

Everyone knows about Valentine’s Day; it’s the one day of the year men are pretty much required to go out of their way to do something special for the woman in their life. Depending on the tastes of the lady, there may be anything from a card to jewelry to a weekend away  involved, but probably 80% of the time, the woman will put out at the end of the night and consider her duty done with little else in the way of reciprocation. After all, even men will tell you, Valentine’s Day is ultimately a holiday for women.

There’s nothing wrong with that, but aren’t we the same generation who has been screaming for equality since we learned to speak? What’s fair about the man doing things to show his woman she is appreciated, but not getting a day of his own?

Thus Steak and BJ Day was born. Founded by radio dj Tom Birdsey in 2001, Steak and BJ Day is meant to be the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day, and is thus celebrated one month later on March 14th. While Valentine’s Day is the time for men to proclaim their love in a way that speaks to women in the language they prefer, March 14th is the day for women to do the same for that special man in their life. And the nice thing about men is the fact that they are so damn simple! No cards, no silly stuffed animals. A well-cooked steak and a quick hummer and you have yourself one very happy guy!

The only thing I can’t understand is why *wouldn’t* women everywhere be taking up the cause and making this a ‘real’ holiday in their own marriage the way Valentine’s Day is? Everything I’ve seen online about it is generally followed by a bunch of comments by women who treat it as a joke, declare it to be misogynistic, or basically say their husbands don’t deserve such treatment, after all, what did THEY get for Valentine’s Day?

I think one of them biggest keys to a happy marriage is always asking yourself, ‘what can I do to make my spouse happy?’. A satisfied man is a man who is going to look for ways to make his wife happy as well. A man who feels appreciated is a man who will be more likely to do those things we ask of them- repaint the living room, take the trash out without being asked, or even go see that sucky chick flick and take us out for that over-priced Valentine’s Day meal without complaint. Call it reciprocation, call it bribery, call it whatever you want- it works.

The best part of it all? It’s easy. No guesswork, no sweating over the details. Trust me ladies, this is just as simple as it sounds. Wish him a happy Steak and BJ Day, and explain it to him if he doesn’t already know. Tell him this is allll about him. Then fire up the grill, or head out to your favorite steakhouse if you are like me and less than grilling-inclined, and enjoy a fabulous meal together. He’s not eating alone, so hey, good times for all, right? Then take him home for that special dessert. A nice dinner together, then 15 minutes of your time is all it will take to make your man feel like a rock star. He’ll likely be the envy of his friends for months, because hey, how many other guys’ wives are doing this?

At the end of the day, you are making your man blissfully happy, while showing him how much you appreciate all those little things he does for you. They do it for us, and it’s about time we returned the favor.

Happy Mothers Day to Me…On Father’s Day

Only 4 weeks late, I got to celebrate Mother’s Day today.

Mother’s Day was not a happy one here this year, I spent it without my kids for the first time ever. I should have had visitation that weekend as it was scheduled to be my time, but thanks to an ex who has decided HE dictates when and how I see my children and not the court, I was not allowed to have them that weekend, or the next scheduled weekend either.

We don’t go back to court until July 6th, and it can’t get here fast enough. This shit WILL be dealt with.

I got to spend about 4 hours with them today, and it was great 🙂  Snuggled with the boys, and watched Gabrielle build an obstacle course for the hamster. The poor furball is probably hiding in the corner of the cage traumatized, but we all had a great time.

On an interesting note, my ex has been harassing me at every opportunity, emailing and criticizing me at every turn over everything he deems ‘inappropriate’, which is pretty much every breath I take. The latest one involved the gifts the kids brought over for me Monday night, which they’d made at school for Mother’s Day. They didn’t get opened that evening, because it was Gabrielle’s birthday, and ‘out of the goodness of his heart’ he brought the kids over for exactly 60 minutes so I could celebrate her birthday with the kids. I left the things in the bag, planning to open them when the kids came over this weekend. He stopped by 2 days later, and emailed me later basically saying I was a crappy mother for having left the gifts unopened after they left. (Yeah, excuse the fuck out of me for wanting them here when I did right?)

Well, today when the kids were here I opened the gifts, and went through the bag of their end of the year papers, artwork, etc. I assumed that when he dropped off this bag of stuff for me, he had already gone through it, you know..being the caring and concerned father and all. Aside from the unopened 4th quarter CRT scores, and the list of speech exercises for our son which obviously he doesn’t feel is important..I found this.

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I’m the shitty mother because I want my kids to see me open and appreciate what they give me, yet he can’t even be bothered to keep what he gets, and heaps it in with all the other school stuff that obviously hasn’t even been looked at.

The irony here is rather delicious.

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