My oldest, she’ll be 13 in June. I am NOT old enough to be her mother.

Paul and I had a discussion recently about my blogging, or to be more truthful, my lack of blogging. For the longest time I hated my blog. The thought of opening the text editor made me both angry and somewhat panicky, because I had to be so incredibly careful about every word I said, knowing it would all be fodder for court. Emotionally I was incredibly angry and resentful of the things going on around me, and it was out of that darkness that my last theme was developed. Paul did a great job of turning out a beautiful theme, but we recently realized that where my blog was and where I am were no longer in sync.

As I look around my blog today I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Lighter, more airy, less clutter, less crap. Much like real life for me these days.

Things are not what I would call anywhere near ‘settled’, but for now there is at least a sense of security that I was missing for the better part of the last 2 years. I can finally breathe easier, and that feeling of constantly worrying and waiting for the next shit-storm is easing off ever so slightly.

Not content to just wait for the effects of The World’s Worst Divorce. Ever. to wear off, I have decided to make the changes I want a very conscious choice, carried out by action rather than reaction. I’m working on not dwelling on the divorce so much, although I still maintain that anyone who has been as deceitful and vindictive as my ex is due for a whopping dose of Karma-times-infinity. (Then again maybe that’s exactly *why* he got the visit from the herpes fairy, she was filling in for Karma that day.) I know, I know, I said trying to work on it. Slow process.

I came back from my recent trip to Virginia happier than I’d been in ages, and with a strong desire to revamp my blog and start fresh with it. I didn’t want to get rid of my old content, but I did want to change my focus to the road of self-discovery I am on, rather than the hell and back I have been to previously. Paul worked out a way to do all that by archiving my old content, and clearing out my categories so that what is on the main page will be new stuff instead of old. (He’s so smart sometimes!) I decided clean and simple was the way to go, so I dumped the tag cloud, lifestream and other non-essentials and stuck with links to just a few networking sites.

Now that my blog is cleaner and more focused, I can finally get back to basics with my writing as well. My focus for 2010 is to start experiencing all that life has to offer, and to learn to not take myself so seriously in the process. I want to let my inner child out to play again, and re-discover the world through her eyes. I’ve had far too much darkness in my life over the last two years, it’s time to learn to laugh again, even if it’s just at myself.

Sara, hamming it up at age 3.

Short and sweet, finally heard back from the people at the ex’s brother’s work where I had to report him for harassing me through my blog on company time.

Hello Sara,

I would like to follow up with you regarding your email dated September 16, 2009, in which you complained about receiving unwelcome messages from one of our employees who was using our IT system. We do appreciate you bringing your concerns to our attention and allowing us the opportunity to address them.

We discussed this matter with Mark ******* and made it clear to him that he is not to use our computer system or internet connection for personal communications, including blog or website postings. We believe that should prevent a recurrence. I do ask that you let me know if you receive any further communications from our IP address or from our IT system.

Thank you again for your email.

With best regards,

M****** *****
Office, HR Manager

I sent them an email back thanking them for their help in all of this. Despite what he and my ex seem to think, just because a blog is readable by anyone, does NOT give you the right to send verbally abusive messages to the site owner just because you get a bug up your ass.