Ex

Update on the Ex Brother-In-Law Drama..Errr..Situation

Short and sweet, finally heard back from the people at the ex’s brother’s work where I had to report him for harassing me through my blog on company time.

Hello Sara,

I would like to follow up with you regarding your email dated September 16, 2009, in which you complained about receiving unwelcome messages from one of our employees who was using our IT system. We do appreciate you bringing your concerns to our attention and allowing us the opportunity to address them.

We discussed this matter with Mark ******* and made it clear to him that he is not to use our computer system or internet connection for personal communications, including blog or website postings. We believe that should prevent a recurrence. I do ask that you let me know if you receive any further communications from our IP address or from our IT system.

Thank you again for your email.

With best regards,

M****** *****
Office, HR Manager

I sent them an email back thanking them for their help in all of this. Despite what he and my ex seem to think, just because a blog is readable by anyone, does NOT give you the right to send verbally abusive messages to the site owner just because you get a bug up your ass.

Standing Up to the Harassment

I used to joke that the sign that you’d made it in blogging was when the anonymous emails started coming.

When you know who is sending them, it stops being a joke, and starts to get a little scary.

I received two emails today from the comment form on a new site I have in the works, Everyday Love Stories. For those that haven’t checked it out yet, the site showcases ‘How We Met’ type stories from the average couple. I built this site for a variety of reasons, but mostly because the stories are all beautiful to read, and who doesn’t need something to smile about? I certainly do!

So imagine my shock then I get two comments to be moderated from that site that are not only personal in nature, but quite nasty. It took me a minute to look at the name and realize the ex’s brother had struck again, despite previous emails saying he would not be contacting me any more.

(Click on the images to see them full size)

comment1

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I did an IP trace, which brought up this-

eadsip copy

Company name is blacked out, but the comments have now been traced back to where Mark works.

Clearly he missed the day in Stalker School where they discussed not doing this shit on company time.

I have for the most part previously ignored these messages from him, but I decided after him saying it would stop that this needed to be addressed immediately, and sent him this, which I also copied to the ex, his parents, and Mark’s wife(who for the record is a VERY nice woman and I am certain had no idea he was sending them, likely his parent’s didn’t either)-

I was told back in December these nasty, semi-anonymous emails that I had been getting for a nearly a year would stop. the ex has said he would talk to him, and Mark himself said it would stop. I just received two more today, so clearly that has not happened.

Mark, I have no idea what your obsession with me is about, but it needs to end, NOW. Your IP traced back to (company name removed) here in Mobile, and I have the screenshots to prove it.

I have no choice at that point but to contact your employer and ask they they step in, since this is being done on their time and their internet connection.

If there are any more incidents I will be forced to pursue criminal harassment charges.

I hope for the sake of your own well being you realize you have a serious problem and get some help for it. This divorce was filed 18 months ago and I am doing my best to move on with my own life. I wish you would too.

Stalking people this way is NOT healthy.
Sara

I then sent this to the company he works for. What, you thought it was an idle threat?

I am currently having a problem with one of your (company name removed) employees sending me nasty and harassing emails from your intranet. The two I received this morning came in at 9:26am and 9:27am as comments through a website form on one of the sites I run.

I am enclosing screenshots from the two emails, as well as a screenshot from the IP lookup which links that IP address to your company.
The person sending them is Mark (middle and last names removed), he is an employee of (company name removed) here in Mobile, AL and serves as the (long boring job title removed). I am currently going through a difficult custody battle with his brother, which is I suspect why he keeps sending these messages. I have previously attempted to address this matter with him when the messages were coming from his home internet, and he admitted to sending them, and claimed it would cease.

Clearly it did not stop, and it is now happening on your company time and via your internet.

I am copying Mr. (last name) in on this email so he is fully aware it has been brought to your attention.

I would like someone to please contact me and let me know when and how the company plans to deal with this, because I plan to pursue criminal harassment charges against him if there are any more incidents, and if the incidents continue to occur from the (company name removed) network, (company name removed) will then become involved as well.

If any further information is needed such as copies of the actual emails or the website used to trace the IP I will be more than happy to provide them.

Thank you so much in advance for your assistance in this matter.

Sara (full contact info)

I almost hated doing it, but this clearly isn’t going to stop unless I do something. I have sat back and taken all the mud that has been slung at me, feeling like I deserved it, because let’s face it, I did have an affair. I have never tried to play that down, or act like it didn’t happen.

I do however believe that after a solid 18 months of harassment, I have served my time. I have had to put up the written and verbal barrage of sheer shit that I have gotten from both the ex and Mark, and quite frankly I’m fucking DONE with it.

At some point they both need to get over it, grow up and move on.

I’m not taking this lying down any more.

Why We Are Going Back to Court Sooner Than Expected

It has just dawned on me that as of yesterday, it’s been six months since my ex was granted what was supposed to be temporary custody, and he took our kids and moved out. Six months of seeing them only every other weekend, and six months of nightly phone calls.

It hurts even typing that out.

When the order was originally put in place, my then-lawyer assured me that this was only until we got my hospital records, and then everything would go back to how it was. 3 weeks of back and forth with the hospital to get my records, only to be told they didn’t use the specific wording he thought we needed to be done with this in one go. Nothing wrong with what was said, but he wanted specific phrases before he would even try to get this in front of a judge. Fuck me.

“Go get a psych evaluation done” he tells me, so off I go to be questioned and analyzed. The result? Same thing we knew all along- I was under extreme stress from my divorce, and made an impulsive decision that the psychiatrist does not feel I will repeat.

Great! Let’s take this back to court!

“Too close” he tells me, “Wait until the divorce hearing in a couple of weeks. This will all be over then.”

Frustration, anger, confusion. I just want my kids back home.

Then the day before court, he takes himself off my case. A solid year of telling me ‘do not go back to work’, a year of me pushing him to get the Status Quo order enforced (and him not doing it), and he drops me because I can’t pay him. There is some kind of serious irony there I think.

The day he is notified I have no lawyer, the ex files to have me kicked out of our house, and a hearing date is set for that. Job-hunting proves unsuccessful, and it very quickly becomes obvious a new lawyer is out of the question and I am going to have to defend myself.

Which I did, successfully.

Months of emails from the ex telling me that I was a shitty mother, calling me an unfit parent, and threatening to not let me see the kids for whatever reason he felt like that day had taken their toll on my confidence, but it was that small victory that made me realize that I wasn’t as helpless as I felt in all this.

A couple of weeks ago, with the help and support of Paul, I went to the courthouse and filed two motions with the court. One asking the temporary custody order be dissolved, the other asking the ex be held in contempt for his refusal to follow the Status Quo order that had been put in place a year before.

A solid year I have been locked out of the bank accounts, had no access to the credit cards, and since he moved out of the house, have been given only money for gas, $20 a week in personal spending, and $30 a week for groceries, which has to cover all meals, cleaning supplies and personal items like razors and tampons. Let’s not forget the extra meals for 3 kids and a supervisor 2 days every other week as well, which also has to come out of my $30 a week. No extra money for that.

For all my previous lawyer’s hemming and hawing and talking about how he was ‘trying to get a court date’ for months, within two weeks I heard back from the court with a date.

On October 2nd we go back to court, specifically for the purpose of dealing with these two issues. With any luck at all, my kids will be back with me when it’s over.

The last bit of advice my previous lawyer gave me when I left his office was not to do this on my own, under any circumstances. The person who represents himself has a fool for a client.

Maybe I’m wrong, but all things considered I have a lot more faith in my therapist, who says I’ve come a long way in learning to take control and stand up for myself.

This clearly isn’t going to change unless I take action, and if looking foolish is the worst that can happen I’ll gladly take that risk to have my kids back with me where they belong.

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