domestic bliss

How to Handle An Unruly Ex

Step 1- Watch your ex make an ass of himself, in this case by locking me out of a room in the house he no longer lives in.


Step 2- Attempt to negotiate.

Step 3- When negotiation attempts are ignored, call in a professional.


Step 4- Take proper precautions to make sure problem does not occur again.


Step 5- Sit and smile as you wait for him to read your blog post and realize he’s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.

**Update 7/28/09 7:27pm**

The threatening email from him that I *knew* would come.

Just remember there are and will be consequences for your actions. Anything, and I mean anything turns up missing from my room and you will be held responsible. You will also be responsible for putting things back as they were as well as the costs, financially of what you have done. My lawyer will have a field day with this, so thank you for documenting it so well. Have a nice day.

He is nothing if not a dedicated reader 😉

Do I Smack Him on the Nose With a Newspaper or Call a Locksmith?

I wrote last week about the court stuff, how my ex tried to get me kicked out of the house and failed.  If you haven’t read it, do, because it’s important.

Done? Cool.

Losing in that hearing put him in a mood. A VERY bad mood. The kind of  “Oh yeah? I’ll show you!” mood that leads him to do stupid things like continue to sue me for the herpes he’s got but I don’t have. This time was no exception.

When shit hit the fan last year, I immediately moved out of the master bedroom. When he was still living here, he slept in that room, and I took to the couch in what used to be the playroom, but is now just my room. After he moved out, I stayed in here instead of taking over the master bedroom. Why? I think mostly because I have a court order saying he is not allowed in my room under any circumstances, and I could see moving into that room and him declaring that that’s not what the court said was safe and all my shit disappearing. Once this hearing was over I put a key lock on my bedroom door and settled in, as our next hearing date isn’t until October.

This isn’t to say the master bedroom sits unused. While he moved most of his stuff out with him, there are still things belonging to both of us in there. We kept most of our books on a large bookshelf in that room, there is a safe in the closet where we keep important papers, all the manuals to the household electronics are in the closet, etc etc.

And then there’s the tub.

One of the few things I love and will miss about this house is the large jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. While I generally stayed out of ‘his’ room after he left, I did start using the tub again. Taking a long bath in a jacuzzi tub is just one of those small pleasures I get anymore, and I enjoyed it.

I’m sure you see where this is going.

A few days ago I went to get a cookbook off of the bookshelf where we keep them in the master bedroom, only to find a surprise- he’d put a lock on the master bedroom door. The kind of lock that requires a key.


I immediately shot him an email telling him he had no legal right to lock me out of a room in our house that he no longer lives in and that I expect either the lock to be removed, or a copy of the key handed over. I also said I needed a key to the shed, which he has also kept me locked out of for months now. (Why? I have no idea.)  His reply:

I will move any of your books from my bedroom. After that you would
have no reason to be in that room since it contains my personal effects, not
yours. You moved yours out over a year ago. The house is still my house
also. If you force entry into that room it will be brought up in court. You
have your room with your personal things with a lock on them and I am fine
with that. I do not trust you not to damage, steal or destroy my belongings
and therefore do not want you with access to them. It is still my house and
I am not removing all of my belongings and I have a reasonable right to
privacy for them.
As far as the shed goes, just tell me what basic tools you need
access to and I will have some brought into the house. If you feel you are
capable of needing access to all of them then you are saying you are capable
of maintaining the entire house and you can then do any and all repairs as
well as maintain the yard.

So just to recap, immediately after losing the case to get me kicked out of the house, and FOUR MONTHS after he moves out, and nowhere in that time is his bedroom door locked and nothing has disappeared, he is suddenly concerned I am going to barge in and steal what little crap he has left here.

Hey, I never claimed to understand his logic.

I emailed him back and told him I still have every right to use that tub, and that we still have things belonging to both of us in that bedroom, including a safe with legal documents and some other household items, and he has until Sunday to either remove the lock or hand over a key. His response was to come over, pull some cookbooks off the shelf, and leave them on the kitchen counter, locking the door again behind him.

In short, a great big “fuck you”.

I’m curious how teh interwebs would handle this one.