depression

Cleaning Out the Closet, Bloggy-Style

I feel so mentally overwhelmed right now I can’t think. Whether it’s depression, stress, or a shaken-not-stirred emotional cocktail of both I couldn’t tell you. I just feel like the weight of the world is on me right now and I can’t for the life of me figure out why.

All things considered, things are ok here. The divorce is still dragging on, but mostly things are calm at home. Christmas is coming up, and I just got back from the most amazing experience, which I’ll be posting about later. (Twitter and Facebook friends already knew, the rest of you will have to wait!) There is nothing going on that is worth brooding over, yet for some reason I am, and I suspect I know why.

My blog is annoying the ever-living shit out of me.

Yeah, call out the guys in the white jackets, Sara is becoming depressed over an intangible monster of her own creation.

I have had the hardest time with my blogging since my divorce started. Partly because of everything I couldn’t blog about(legally), and partly because those things-that-shall-not-be-mentioned ARE the biggest things in my life right now. The censorship has stifled my creativity, and it’s making me resent the hell out of my blog. Not to mention I decided back in October to do a massive redesign, and still haven’t touched it.

Who I am now, and what my blog currently is, just don’t fit anymore. Square peg, round hole, and all that jazz.

I’ve got to kick my own ass a bit and fix this. Fish or cut bait, shit or get off the pot. Get off your ass and do something, bitch!

I can’t kick-start my blog with the mental bloggy to-do list hanging over my head. I’ve got to work on my redesign, pronto. I’ve got to catch up on those PR goodies I’ve been sent. I’ve got to respond to the 50 or so PR emails weighting down my box, unread. I’ve got to get my omg-where-did-it-go-and-htf-am-I-a-PR2??? back up.

I’m at rock bottom with my blog, the only way to go now is up.

 

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I didn’t get to make it for Thanksgiving, but my Christmas dinner will be an Oven Ready Jenny-O whole turkey. I swear these people saw me coming, because this is about at stupid-proof as you get! The turkey goes from freezer to oven with no thawing or seasoning needed. It is pre-sealed in a cooking bag, and the pop-up turkey button tells you when it’s done. Pick one up for Christmas dinner, because with all that assembling and wire-cutting to do Christmas Day, the last thing you need to worry about is screwing up dinner!

Thanks to HarperCollins for providing me with a copy of The Mental Floss History of the World by Erik Sass and Steve Wiegand. If high school history class had been even half this funny, I would have paid a lot more attention! This book will give you tons of useful history trivia to spout off at holiday parties while keeping you thoroughly entertained.

Open Sphincter, Remove Head.

Every so often over the last few weeks, I have gotten that nagging little voice in my head saying “You haven’t blogged in awhile. Maybe you should get a post up?” A quick bitch-slap and the voice shuts up right quick, but looking at my last post 25 days ago makes me think I really should have been paying the voice a bit more attention. 25 days without blogging, and it wasn’t even an intentional hiatus. WTF?????

I don’t know how to really explain it, other than that with the stress of the divorce going on, I began having issues with my depression again, only a bit worse than I have had in the past. I became moody, avoided friends, stayed out of social situations as much as possible and generally began to shut down. In addition to the depression and anxiety I’ve experienced before, I began having panic attacks as well. Overall, I was a bit of a mess. I finally realized one day that I was having a hard time doing even just the day-to-day stuff, and that’s when I knew I was once again in need of a bit of pharmaceutical help.

One doctor’s appointment, a Zoloft prescription, and two weeks later I am finally feeling like a real human being again.  I’m not 100%, but I’ve left behind the constant moodiness, the crying, the panic attacks, and the complete and total lack of energy. (When doing nothing more than taking a shower is both overwhelming and exhausting, you know things are bad.)

As I am feeling better, I’m pulling my head out of my ass and looking at the things that I have been neglecting. Writing has always been therapy for me, and my friends in the blogging community (yes you, dear readers) have rarely been anything but supportive. If I had been in the right frame of mind I might have realized I should have been more open with everyone about what was going on. I’ve seen very little of my friends lately, although I got to spend some time with a couple of them this week and that was really awesome. (Thank you so much for being there!) I’ve had a couple of opportunities come up with my writing that could lead to some cool stuff, although nothing large-scale, yet (Glass half full here..) , so hoping I’ve not missed out on those. In short, I’m back in action, but picking up all those balls I dropped over the last few weeks. Let’s hope I didn’t lose any.

I’ve missed you guys, so do me a favor and let me know what I’ve missed this month. Link your best recent post in my comments so I can swing by and catch up. I promise we’ll be seeing each other more often 😉