Month: January 2010

I Swore I’d Never Do It Again, But Last Night I Did

The last Mardi Gras ball I went to was in 2008, and I swore I would never do it again.

If you’ve never been to one, it’s like a huge party with lots of music and drinking and dancing and food and drinking. (Did I mention there tends to be a lot of drinking?) It’s extremely formal, as in white tie and tails formal for men, and floor length ball gowns for the women. Ball gowns which we spend weeks searching for, and even longer starving ourselves to get into.

The one I went to in 2007 and 2008 was by way of invitation from one of my ex’s co-workers. The society itself is known for being highly exclusive, which meant in the end we basically knew no one there other than the person who invited us. My ex didn’t drink, and that coupled with not knowing anyone there meant there was very little socializing done and a lot of awkward standing around. The first time going was exciting, but once the novelty wore off with the second one, I swore I’d never do it again. There’s only so much people-watching that can be tolerated when everyone around you is having a great time and you aren’t.

It was because of this that I said no when I was asked by my friend Heather to go to their ball (name removed..Ooops!), since she is part of the organization. Then our friend Alli joined. And I found out our other friend Hope was not only in it, but her mom was the leader this year. (This society doesn’t do court like most.) I kept saying no, but the idea of getting to hang out with my friends for the night for something other than a Tweetup won me over, and I decided to give it a shot.

To say I am glad I went would be a massive understatement. I must have spent at least half the night laughing my ass off about one thing or another, from the incredibly drunk floor committee women who told her husband that they had to get a hotel room because “A hotel room is a lot cheaper than a DUI!”, to Alli’s son being told by the bartender that if he gave the drink termed the ‘room special’ to his date he’d be sure to get her into bed, not realizing he was escorting his mother. It was awesome seeing Alli, Heather and Hope dancing in the tableau, and seeing all the amazing (and sometimes scary!) dresses women wore, and how funny spouses and friends looked in their penguin suits. I even got to meet a Twitter friend who was in town just for the ball, all the way from Texas!

All in all it was a wonderful night, and I am incredibly happy I stepped out of my comfort zone and went, instead of letting past experiences dictate. There is no question I would go again if I am lucky enough to be on the invite list next year 🙂

Left to right- Me, Alli, Heather and Hope

Suburban Oblivion Comes Out of the Darkness

Paul and I had a discussion recently about my blogging, or to be more truthful, my lack of blogging. For the longest time I hated my blog. The thought of opening the text editor made me both angry and somewhat panicky, because I had to be so incredibly careful about every word I said, knowing it would all be fodder for court. Emotionally I was incredibly angry and resentful of the things going on around me, and it was out of that darkness that my last theme was developed. Paul did a great job of turning out a beautiful theme, but we recently realized that where my blog was and where I am were no longer in sync.

As I look around my blog today I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. Lighter, more airy, less clutter, less crap. Much like real life for me these days.

Things are not what I would call anywhere near ‘settled’, but for now there is at least a sense of security that I was missing for the better part of the last 2 years. I can finally breathe easier, and that feeling of constantly worrying and waiting for the next shit-storm is easing off ever so slightly.

Not content to just wait for the effects of The World’s Worst Divorce. Ever. to wear off, I have decided to make the changes I want a very conscious choice, carried out by action rather than reaction. I’m working on not dwelling on the divorce so much, although I still maintain that anyone who has been as deceitful and vindictive as my ex is due for a whopping dose of Karma-times-infinity. (Then again maybe that’s exactly *why* he got the visit from the herpes fairy, she was filling in for Karma that day.) I know, I know, I said trying to work on it. Slow process.

I came back from my recent trip to Virginia happier than I’d been in ages, and with a strong desire to revamp my blog and start fresh with it. I didn’t want to get rid of my old content, but I did want to change my focus to the road of self-discovery I am on, rather than the hell and back I have been to previously. Paul worked out a way to do all that by archiving my old content, and clearing out my categories so that what is on the main page will be new stuff instead of old. (He’s so smart sometimes!) I decided clean and simple was the way to go, so I dumped the tag cloud, lifestream and other non-essentials and stuck with links to just a few networking sites.

Now that my blog is cleaner and more focused, I can finally get back to basics with my writing as well. My focus for 2010 is to start experiencing all that life has to offer, and to learn to not take myself so seriously in the process. I want to let my inner child out to play again, and re-discover the world through her eyes. I’ve had far too much darkness in my life over the last two years, it’s time to learn to laugh again, even if it’s just at myself.

Sara, hamming it up at age 3.