Major, major update for those who follow my blog but not my Twitter stream (they knew days ago! 😛 ) – the ex and I reached an agreement on the whole settlement issue. It involved cash payment up front so I could do as I planned and get a new place, and him buying back a few of the larger furniture items I had been awarded by the court that he wanted to keep. I thought overall we were both happy enough with it. We drew up a contract and he came over and signed it, and I thought, naively, that that would be the end of it.

My how things change quickly. Almost immediately after the contract was signed and money changed hands, I started getting emails about how he talked to his lawyer, and the court’s decision that I get all the household stuff didn’t include blah blah blah (fill in the blanks, because he is trying to make it sound like pretty much most of the stuff in the house). Nothing belonging to the kids, nothing belonging to him from before we were together (which clearly I agree with), and nothing he terms as ‘gifts’, which he has now expanded to mean anything anyone has ever given us for free, ever, and some of which we paid for. He is also trying to say ‘household items’ does not include appliances, so he gets to keep both refrigerators, even though the agreement he and I drew up includes him buying one from me.  (For the record, the house did not come with a fridge, and we would be taking it with us if we’d moved. I am not talking about appliances that came with the house, like the stove).  As part of the agreement he is supposed to pay me the final $1,000 when I move out by the 11th of December, and as you can imagine he is trying to say anything and everything is reason for him to not follow through on that signed, video-taped contract.

The court papers were exceedingly clear in that he gets the kids bedroom furniture, and I am awarded the remaining household items. I can’t think of any way at all it could be more clear. Yet he continues to try to bargain for, and when that doesn’t work, bully me into, giving him things that I have been awarded by the court. He has even gone so far as to offer to trade me things I already own, for things that I’ve told him are not for sale. The logic, or lack thereof, has been absolutely comical at times, and great fodder for conversation with friends who swear I need to write a book about my experiences when this is all finished.

His visit today was not so comical. In fact it came close to downright scary. He came over to drop off the washing machine, and knowing he was coming I had the video camera ready (something I started some time ago for my own safety).  For those who may have doubted or thought I was exaggerating when I describe his behavior, you can not see it with your own eyes. Nothing happens until about a minute in, and you can see when he comes in he is immediately pissy and confrontational, despite the fact that I’d said nothing to him or even tried to initiate conversation.  Warning ahead of time- there is some language here so I’d deem it NSFW, or not safe to listen to around kids.

The police won’t issue a restraining order unless he actually does something (I looked into this back when everything first went down) but luckily this will all be over soon as I have agreed to be moved out by the 11th. Needless to say after his behavior today, I will be carrying my pepper spray on me as well, in addition to keeping the video camera running.

I’m taking no chances.

17 Comments on In Case You Thought I Was Exaggerating About My Ex- Video- NSFW

  1. Hope
    November 28, 2009 at 11:08 am (7 years ago)

    Oh Sara – I’m so sorry!! That video just illustrates it all so well. . .That was really. . .scary. I’m sorry you’re having to go through all of that. Just keep the end in sight!!! You deserve a life without all that strife and it WILL be yours!

    Reply
  2. melissa
    November 28, 2009 at 11:31 am (7 years ago)

    oh honey!! i can’t even imagine how frustrated you are. divorce is so ugly. i’m so sorry. hugs. it will be so nice when this is over and you can kind of breathe again.

    Reply
  3. Felicia
    November 28, 2009 at 11:39 am (7 years ago)

    I am so sorry, what a dick! It is almost over, and soon it will all be a bad memory, just try to stay strong, I know it is hard, but you can do it.

    Reply
  4. Kim @ Beautiful Wreck
    November 28, 2009 at 11:46 am (7 years ago)

    That man is scary. If you need anything let us know. We don’t live far and could come right over. If only just to sit there. Does he act that way with your children?
    I don’t care how bad things got between the two of you or whose fault it is, as the mother of his children he should want for you to have a environment that would be comfortable for them to visit/live in. He doesn’t need two refridges and he makes more than enough money to replace a printer or anything else for that matter. Petty and immature on his part. Sure he may be hurt by all that has transpired, but he should rise above and be a decent person instead of trying to run you into the ground. It only appears he values “things” and not anything else.

    I can’t really do much but I can hold the video camera.

    Reply
  5. megan huber
    November 28, 2009 at 1:23 pm (7 years ago)

    God Sara. I don’t know what to say. I wish I was closer. Please stay as safe as possible.

    Reply
  6. Moonstar Silverwolf
    November 28, 2009 at 1:26 pm (7 years ago)

    Sounds like you are doing things right. Keep doing things by the book, recording everything as you go. I hope for your sake he never does anything to hurt you physically. I remember with my divorce, my ex didn’t understand how I could be so legal minded when it came to emotional things and it’s because you have to or you will drive yourself emotionally insane. Stay strong.

    Reply
  7. claire
    November 28, 2009 at 2:16 pm (7 years ago)

    another thing i’ve been told that works just as well as pepper spray is the aerosol hair spray. It’s very smart to have it all on film, that way there is no denial of actions. but you know this already!! STAY SAFE, have someone be there with you and keep your phone on you.

    Reply
  8. Sue
    November 28, 2009 at 6:38 pm (7 years ago)

    Wow. He obviously never watches Judge Judy (snicker). Once you sign a contract, it’s legally binding. Period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. I find it awful hard to believe that his lawyer told him that other household items were his. Funny how he said that a fridge is not a household item. Where else would it be? A garage item? A playhouse item? A backyard item? hahahaha.

    Yeah, stay safe.

    Reply
    • Sue
      November 28, 2009 at 6:46 pm (7 years ago)

      Egads! Just caught up on your Twitter. Hope things are OK with you now!!! “Unhinged” is the word I’m thinking of for him. Wow.

      Reply
  9. April
    November 29, 2009 at 4:46 pm (7 years ago)

    Get a civil standby. Do NOT let him come over to get stuff out of the house unless an officer is there. They will do it. You have a court order stating you have until the 11th to be out of there.

    If you have a civil standby, either he will knock his shit off in their presence or you will have witnesses.

    My GOD he sounds way too much like my ex. Sadly, I still have to deal with this vindictive, controlling bullshit even FIFTEEN years after the divorce. Some of these assholes (yes, YOU, Sara’s ex are an ASSHOLE…we know you and your douchebag brother read this), they just can’t let go. All you can do is hope that all of the stress and anger will eat them up and they’ll just have a freakin’ heart attack or something.

    Reply
  10. Devilish Southern Belle
    November 29, 2009 at 10:43 pm (7 years ago)

    I never thought you were exaggerating at all, but it’s still disturbing to see it all like that. I know you will be so glad to have all this over and behind you.

    Reply
  11. Jamie E
    November 30, 2009 at 11:41 am (7 years ago)

    I agree with April. Make sure there is always a witness. Between him and his brother, I would personally have hidden video installed until you move out. He knows that once you move out his control is gone. Be safe. I do not want to see this story on 48 hours. I fear for your safety.

    Reply
  12. Rachael
    December 15, 2009 at 12:17 am (7 years ago)

    I know that this is a few weeks old now, but when you first posted it I hadn’t seen the video. In any case, I just want to say now that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’m sorry you have had to be scared due to his behavior. And I am SO SO glad that you are out. That soon, you won’t have to deal with him ever. That you’ve moved on to someone amazing. I’m just really glad. And happy for you.

    Reply

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