I used to joke that the sign that you’d made it in blogging was when the anonymous emails started coming.

When you know who is sending them, it stops being a joke, and starts to get a little scary.

I received two emails today from the comment form on a new site I have in the works, Everyday Love Stories. For those that haven’t checked it out yet, the site showcases ‘How We Met’ type stories from the average couple. I built this site for a variety of reasons, but mostly because the stories are all beautiful to read, and who doesn’t need something to smile about? I certainly do!

So imagine my shock then I get two comments to be moderated from that site that are not only personal in nature, but quite nasty. It took me a minute to look at the name and realize the ex’s brother had struck again, despite previous emails saying he would not be contacting me any more.

(Click on the images to see them full size)

comment1

comment2

I did an IP trace, which brought up this-

eadsip copy

Company name is blacked out, but the comments have now been traced back to where Mark works.

Clearly he missed the day in Stalker School where they discussed not doing this shit on company time.

I have for the most part previously ignored these messages from him, but I decided after him saying it would stop that this needed to be addressed immediately, and sent him this, which I also copied to the ex, his parents, and Mark’s wife(who for the record is a VERY nice woman and I am certain had no idea he was sending them, likely his parent’s didn’t either)-

I was told back in December these nasty, semi-anonymous emails that I had been getting for a nearly a year would stop. the ex has said he would talk to him, and Mark himself said it would stop. I just received two more today, so clearly that has not happened.

Mark, I have no idea what your obsession with me is about, but it needs to end, NOW. Your IP traced back to (company name removed) here in Mobile, and I have the screenshots to prove it.

I have no choice at that point but to contact your employer and ask they they step in, since this is being done on their time and their internet connection.

If there are any more incidents I will be forced to pursue criminal harassment charges.

I hope for the sake of your own well being you realize you have a serious problem and get some help for it. This divorce was filed 18 months ago and I am doing my best to move on with my own life. I wish you would too.

Stalking people this way is NOT healthy.
Sara

I then sent this to the company he works for. What, you thought it was an idle threat?

I am currently having a problem with one of your (company name removed) employees sending me nasty and harassing emails from your intranet. The two I received this morning came in at 9:26am and 9:27am as comments through a website form on one of the sites I run.

I am enclosing screenshots from the two emails, as well as a screenshot from the IP lookup which links that IP address to your company.
The person sending them is Mark (middle and last names removed), he is an employee of (company name removed) here in Mobile, AL and serves as the (long boring job title removed). I am currently going through a difficult custody battle with his brother, which is I suspect why he keeps sending these messages. I have previously attempted to address this matter with him when the messages were coming from his home internet, and he admitted to sending them, and claimed it would cease.

Clearly it did not stop, and it is now happening on your company time and via your internet.

I am copying Mr. (last name) in on this email so he is fully aware it has been brought to your attention.

I would like someone to please contact me and let me know when and how the company plans to deal with this, because I plan to pursue criminal harassment charges against him if there are any more incidents, and if the incidents continue to occur from the (company name removed) network, (company name removed) will then become involved as well.

If any further information is needed such as copies of the actual emails or the website used to trace the IP I will be more than happy to provide them.

Thank you so much in advance for your assistance in this matter.

Sara (full contact info)

I almost hated doing it, but this clearly isn’t going to stop unless I do something. I have sat back and taken all the mud that has been slung at me, feeling like I deserved it, because let’s face it, I did have an affair. I have never tried to play that down, or act like it didn’t happen.

I do however believe that after a solid 18 months of harassment, I have served my time. I have had to put up the written and verbal barrage of sheer shit that I have gotten from both the ex and Mark, and quite frankly I’m fucking DONE with it.

At some point they both need to get over it, grow up and move on.

I’m not taking this lying down any more.

21 Comments on Standing Up to the Harassment

  1. Jamie E
    September 16, 2009 at 6:52 pm (8 years ago)

    Wow, disturbing. I almost hope he loses his job. Talk about a whack-job, I guess he needs to look in the mirror, no? I can almost(ALMOST) understand your Ex doing these obsessive things, but his brother? That is just weird, it is not like you haven't been very transparent about EVERYTHING, and you certainly didn't need to be, but you fessed up, you slept on the couch, you are divorcing, what more does this guy want out of you? Maybe his motivation is to push into another desperate act, thereby helping his brother with custody? Idk, weird, just weird.

    Reply
  2. Nikki
    September 16, 2009 at 8:49 pm (8 years ago)

    I think you did what you had to do. It's clearly not going to stop until you take drastic action like contacting his work. Saying crappy things immediately after the breakup is almost normal, considering family loyalty and all. However, still stalking around the internet finding ways to harass and annoy you a year and a half later goes above and beyond brotherly loyalty. It's downright creepy and sick.

    Reply
  3. Momma Sunshine
    September 16, 2009 at 8:57 pm (8 years ago)

    I'm new to your blog and don't know your back-story, but I just wanted to applaud you for standing up for yourself against this harassment. Affair or not, no one deserves to be treated in this way. Good for you for standing up for yourself! I can relate to what you're feeling though – I was the one who decided to end my marriage and have felt sometimes like I somehow "deserve" the poor treatment that I have received on behalf of my ex and his group of friends. But you know what? It's NOT deserved. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that.

    I applaud you for sticking up for yourself. You should definitely feel proud. 🙂

    Reply
  4. Sarah Lena
    September 16, 2009 at 9:27 pm (8 years ago)

    I hope this gets resolved. I had to do this with my (now-husband, then-) boyfriend's ex about four years ago. I sent all of the nasty, horrible emails she had sent to me.. all of them on her company email and signed with her company signature icon. Her manager apologized profusely and promised to speak to her.

    He did, and she promised she would stop.

    About a month later, he checked the internet history on her work computer one random workday. Of her eight paid hours, she had spent five of them online, repeatedly refreshing my site close to every four minutes. He emailed me personally to let me know that he had let her go.. and that I might want to seek a protective order.

    Reply
  5. Lala
    September 16, 2009 at 9:30 pm (8 years ago)

    you know what's weird to me? my HUSBAND had an affair and it's taken me a year and a half to develop enough anger to divorce him. I don't know where people get the energy to harrass their own spouses in these situations, much less siblings spouses. It blows my mind.

    Reply
  6. Raychel Celeste
    September 16, 2009 at 11:05 pm (8 years ago)

    You did what you had to do. I've actually been in a similar situation with internet and phone harassment. I tried to deal with actual offender, but when that didn't work.. I found his family and went to them. I definitely would have gone to his employer if I knew it was happening while at work. This kind of harassment is just childish and creepy. Some people just don't know when enough is enough.

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  7. Gina
    September 17, 2009 at 2:33 am (8 years ago)

    Good for you for not putting up with it! I hope the company takes action.

    Reply
  8. karen sugarpants
    September 17, 2009 at 4:31 am (8 years ago)

    Totally high-fiveing you from Canada, sister. Wow. Way to go. Youse gots balls.

    Reply
  9. Christine
    September 17, 2009 at 2:41 pm (8 years ago)

    Congratulations for growing some balls! I'm so proud of you. I'm sure the employer will do something about this because no company wants to become part of a legal dispute. You have definately become a much stronger woman.

    Reply
  10. Al.
    September 17, 2009 at 11:57 pm (8 years ago)

    Randomer drive-by comment: fair fucks to ya. Well done on actually carrying through on emailing the employer. Post up what kind of response you get from them.

    Reply
  11. Amanda
    September 18, 2009 at 12:20 am (8 years ago)

    Do you know how much I love you? I am so proud of how strong you have become in these past few months though i always knew you had it in you! Clearly someone(s) underestimated you. Clearly they thought that meek complacent Sara was still around. HA. I <3 you and Matt and I are super proud! Get em girl!

    Reply
  12. @ThePriss
    September 18, 2009 at 11:00 am (8 years ago)

    I wouldn't even know where to begin. He either thinks you're stupid or he is too ignorant to realize that an IP report is super easy to obtain. On top of that, IT can go in and print out a full report of what he's been doing online on company time. The only limitation is how long they keep that history.

    Reply
  13. Timo Steffensen
    September 18, 2009 at 5:31 pm (8 years ago)

    This things really happens on a online social networking site and if you are not aware on how other people care about it will be a disaster if you don't realize what went wrong and what did I do wrong. We can do a lot of things online and we should know our limitations to avoid some bad feed backs. And Sara you are you are amazing for standing up and realizing whats really best for you.

    Reply
  14. dysfunctional mom
    September 24, 2009 at 10:08 am (8 years ago)

    I say good for you! He shouldn't get away with that.

    Reply
  15. Pando
    September 28, 2009 at 3:42 pm (8 years ago)

    Is this the same guy that went and left nasty comments about you on everyone's blog who commented here? Sigh. Is he not actually required to work when he is at work? Seriously, where does he find the time to do this shit?

    Reply
  16. DSB
    September 29, 2009 at 5:21 pm (8 years ago)

    Good for you! I would not take it anymore, either. All that and not to mention, he went and commented on all your readers' sites, too. I can see siding with his brother, but damn. Nothing that concerns you is any of his business now.

    Reply

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