Month: July 2009

This is What a Tantrum Looks Like on a 42 Year Old

(And unfortunately for him, a tantrum on a balding, morbidly obese 42 year old is not nearly as cute as it is on a 4 year old.)

So this has not been a fabulous week. I got a broken tooth, which very quickly became infected and started giving me the kind of pain one would expect from I dunno, say, having a screwdriver rammed into the gums. Not good. Went to the dentist and was given antibiotics to take before they can do (OMG A FUCKING ROOT CANAL) a repair on the tooth. I hate going to the dentist, so this all had me a little stressed. They did give me painkillers, which they said would keep me from killing anyone comfortable until the antibiotics kick in. I have VERY low tolerance for things like that, so Paul (and I’m sure everyone in my Twitter stream) has been getting a good giggle at my expense.

Aside from the tooth thing, I was not able to find anyone to supervise this weekends visitation with the kids. I have awesome friends who are very quick to help where they can, but it was just a bad combination of people being busy or out of town. It happens, but unfortunately it means I will not be able to see the kids this weekend.

Totally sucks, but Brendan’s birthday is Tuesday, so I figured at least I’ll be able to see them for an hour or so then. I’ll pick up a cake, and it will be just like Gabrielle’s birthday in June, which fell on a Monday. Same story, right?

Apparently not.

When the ex emailed asking what the deal with the weekend was, I told him I wasn’t able to get anyone for this weekend, but asked what the story is with Tuesday. This was his reply-

There is no story
with Tuesday. It is not a visitation day for you, this weekend is. Brendan’s
birthday is close enough to your visitation weekend for you to celebrate it
during your scheduled visitation time. I have no plans on making a special
trip over with them on Tuesday. If your recent behavior was more appropriate
lately I would have considered it, but I am not comfortable spending time
around you with your recent actions.

Considering our only contact in the last two weeks has been in regards to him locking me out of the master bedroom and my subsequent removal of that door, it’s pretty safe to say he’s decided to retaliate by not allowing me to see my son on his birthday. This was driven home to me when I emailed back and said that if he was ‘uncomfortable being around me’ then there should be no problem with me having a supervisor with me and picking up the kids for an hour or so Tuesday night so I could spend part of Brendan’s birthday with him, to which he replied-

You have your scheduled weekends. The schedule of every other weekend has not changed since it was imposed. So you have had more than enough time to plan and arrange for supervision. If you have alienated yourself so much from actual friends and family to the point they are not willing to help you then that is the situation you have created, not me. Have a nice weekend and I would suggest you start arranging now for the next visitation weekend so you can celebrate with Brendan at that time. If you wish to drop off his birthday present from you this weekend I am fine with that as long as I have sufficient advance notice and as long as you understand you would not be staying.

Real sweetheart, ain’t he? Got to love a man who so clearly puts his kids above all else.

How to Handle An Unruly Ex

Step 1- Watch your ex make an ass of himself, in this case by locking me out of a room in the house he no longer lives in.


Step 2- Attempt to negotiate.

Step 3- When negotiation attempts are ignored, call in a professional.


Step 4- Take proper precautions to make sure problem does not occur again.


Step 5- Sit and smile as you wait for him to read your blog post and realize he’s not nearly as smart as he thinks he is.

**Update 7/28/09 7:27pm**

The threatening email from him that I *knew* would come.

Just remember there are and will be consequences for your actions. Anything, and I mean anything turns up missing from my room and you will be held responsible. You will also be responsible for putting things back as they were as well as the costs, financially of what you have done. My lawyer will have a field day with this, so thank you for documenting it so well. Have a nice day.

He is nothing if not a dedicated reader 😉

Do I Smack Him on the Nose With a Newspaper or Call a Locksmith?

I wrote last week about the court stuff, how my ex tried to get me kicked out of the house and failed.  If you haven’t read it, do, because it’s important.

Done? Cool.

Losing in that hearing put him in a mood. A VERY bad mood. The kind of  “Oh yeah? I’ll show you!” mood that leads him to do stupid things like continue to sue me for the herpes he’s got but I don’t have. This time was no exception.

When shit hit the fan last year, I immediately moved out of the master bedroom. When he was still living here, he slept in that room, and I took to the couch in what used to be the playroom, but is now just my room. After he moved out, I stayed in here instead of taking over the master bedroom. Why? I think mostly because I have a court order saying he is not allowed in my room under any circumstances, and I could see moving into that room and him declaring that that’s not what the court said was safe and all my shit disappearing. Once this hearing was over I put a key lock on my bedroom door and settled in, as our next hearing date isn’t until October.

This isn’t to say the master bedroom sits unused. While he moved most of his stuff out with him, there are still things belonging to both of us in there. We kept most of our books on a large bookshelf in that room, there is a safe in the closet where we keep important papers, all the manuals to the household electronics are in the closet, etc etc.

And then there’s the tub.

One of the few things I love and will miss about this house is the large jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. While I generally stayed out of ‘his’ room after he left, I did start using the tub again. Taking a long bath in a jacuzzi tub is just one of those small pleasures I get anymore, and I enjoyed it.

I’m sure you see where this is going.

A few days ago I went to get a cookbook off of the bookshelf where we keep them in the master bedroom, only to find a surprise- he’d put a lock on the master bedroom door. The kind of lock that requires a key.


I immediately shot him an email telling him he had no legal right to lock me out of a room in our house that he no longer lives in and that I expect either the lock to be removed, or a copy of the key handed over. I also said I needed a key to the shed, which he has also kept me locked out of for months now. (Why? I have no idea.)  His reply:

I will move any of your books from my bedroom. After that you would
have no reason to be in that room since it contains my personal effects, not
yours. You moved yours out over a year ago. The house is still my house
also. If you force entry into that room it will be brought up in court. You
have your room with your personal things with a lock on them and I am fine
with that. I do not trust you not to damage, steal or destroy my belongings
and therefore do not want you with access to them. It is still my house and
I am not removing all of my belongings and I have a reasonable right to
privacy for them.
As far as the shed goes, just tell me what basic tools you need
access to and I will have some brought into the house. If you feel you are
capable of needing access to all of them then you are saying you are capable
of maintaining the entire house and you can then do any and all repairs as
well as maintain the yard.

So just to recap, immediately after losing the case to get me kicked out of the house, and FOUR MONTHS after he moves out, and nowhere in that time is his bedroom door locked and nothing has disappeared, he is suddenly concerned I am going to barge in and steal what little crap he has left here.

Hey, I never claimed to understand his logic.

I emailed him back and told him I still have every right to use that tub, and that we still have things belonging to both of us in that bedroom, including a safe with legal documents and some other household items, and he has until Sunday to either remove the lock or hand over a key. His response was to come over, pull some cookbooks off the shelf, and leave them on the kitchen counter, locking the door again behind him.

In short, a great big “fuck you”.

I’m curious how teh interwebs would handle this one.

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