When I started Suburban Oblivion, I fully immersed myself into the mommyblogging crowd. The community embraced me with open arms, and I didn’t mind the label that comes with it.
My life had a lot of labels- Wife. Mother. Mommyblogger. PTA mom. Soccer mom.
I never felt like they fully fit, but I did my best to adapt and be what I thought I should.
Over the last year, those labels have been stripped away over the course of my affair, my filing for divorce, my suicide attempt and the resulting temporary custody loss afterwards.
I’ve lost all those labels, and with them all sense of my identity.
When I can make myself do it, my blog is still my outlet and a great source of therapy. Yet at the same time, what does a mommyblogger write about when she is no longer the full-time mom?
Funny enough when I did my site re-design a few months back, I’d complained about feeling like I’d pigeon-holed myself into that niche and wasn’t sure how to expand without losing the community I loved so much.
Now due to circumstances in my own life, the label no longer fits and I’m finding myself without direction. Not in my life, nor with my blog.
I feel like I’m starting over in every aspect, and it’s scary.
I used to feel suffocated and confined by defining myself in such narrow terms, but there was a certain sense of safety and identity there that I never thought I’d miss. I don’t miss that crushing conformity, but the freedom of starting over is overwhelming.
Megan at Velveteen Mind once said her label-maker is broken, and mine is now too. I’m not sure how to fix that, or if I even should.
The labels as I once knew them no longer apply.