When I started Suburban Oblivion, I fully immersed myself into the mommyblogging crowd. The community embraced me with open arms, and I didn’t mind the label that comes with it.

My life had a lot of labels- Wife. Mother. Mommyblogger. PTA mom. Soccer mom.

I never felt like they fully fit, but I did my best to adapt and be what I thought I should.

Over the last year, those labels have been stripped away over the course of my affair, my filing for divorce, my suicide attempt and the resulting temporary custody loss afterwards.

I’ve lost all those labels, and with them all sense of my identity.

When I can make myself do it, my blog is still my outlet and a great source of therapy. Yet at the same time, what does a mommyblogger write about when she is no longer the full-time mom?

Funny enough when I did my site re-design a few months back, I’d complained about feeling like I’d pigeon-holed myself into that niche and wasn’t sure how to expand without losing the community I loved so much.

Now due to circumstances in my own life, the label no longer fits and I’m finding myself without direction. Not in my life, nor with my blog.

I feel like I’m starting over in every aspect, and it’s scary.

I used to feel suffocated and confined by defining myself in such narrow terms, but there was a certain sense of safety and identity there that I never thought I’d miss. I don’t miss that crushing conformity, but the freedom of starting over is overwhelming.

Megan at Velveteen Mind once said her label-maker is broken, and mine is now too. I’m not sure how to fix that, or if I even should.

The labels as I once knew them no longer apply.

11 Comments on The Mommyblogger Who Isn’t

  1. Tim
    June 9, 2009 at 2:50 pm (8 years ago)

    The only labels that matter are the ones we apply to ourselves. If you want to be a mommy blogger, you’re a mommy blogger. You’ve given birth, and you blog. Cut yourself some slack.

    Reply
  2. Nicole
    June 9, 2009 at 4:11 pm (8 years ago)

    I quickly found that I just don’t really fit into any sort of category. I’m so random and all over the place with my blog, my general writing, and even my thoughts. One day I’m screaming about divorce papers, and the next annoying drivers. One day I’m happy as a clam (I don’t understand that expression) and the next I’m screaming and crying from stress. Forget trying to shove yourself into a category. You have always been in one all your own, even when you were a full-time soccer mom. Also, you don’t have to be a full-time mom to still be a Mommy. Your children still mean as much to you today as they did last year. Just because you’re not with them every moment doesn’t mean you’re any less their mom.

    I agree, the freedom of starting over is overwhelming. The challenges of being a single mom, of trying to find your identity separate from someone you spent years with (even if they were years filled with much misery), it’s not easy. But it sure is liberating.

    Reply
  3. Bella
    June 10, 2009 at 1:29 pm (8 years ago)

    As one who has always tried to avoid labels, I understand the comfort they bring.

    Just remember that through our lives, we change–and those who care about us will be there to help us rip off the old labels and find new ones that bring us comfort.

    And like others have said, the only labels that really matter are those we give ourselves. I am an every-other-week, divorced mom and I blog; I consider myself a mommy blogger. You are still a mommy blogger, too.

    I know it’s hard, but redefining oneself can be liberating.

    Bella’s last blog post..Tell Me Thursday – Moving

    Reply
  4. Domestic Spaz
    June 11, 2009 at 4:41 pm (8 years ago)

    Your blog is about you and all the changes you go through in your life… no need to put yourself into one corner or another. Your blog should evolve as you do.

    All of us are moms… but all of us are individuals with identities outside of being a mom. And that’s a good thing.

    Reply
  5. mom, again
    June 14, 2009 at 7:55 pm (8 years ago)

    you’re still a mom, & the mommy blogging world can use all of the non-standard mom’s it can possibly gain. cause quite a few of us out here need to know we are not alone in being outside the usual bounds of motherhood.

    Reply
  6. Cyndi
    July 11, 2009 at 12:45 am (8 years ago)

    Don't even get me started! This post summarizes the entire theme of my own blog. Just because we have kids does not mean we aren't still individuals first. It also doesn't mean that we have to drive mini-vans or (pretend to) enjoy PTA meetings or only blog about our doting husbands and perfect kids. How boring (and full of shit) would that be anyway?!

    Reply
  7. Genevieve
    July 24, 2009 at 2:01 pm (8 years ago)

    You are you. As life goes on we change and adapt (or we're supposed to). I'm not who I was at 17 or 26 or even 30. The labels I gave myself then mostly don't apply now. They did however feel like anchors to my life. It would be difficult if they were all pulled in and I was left feeling afloat. Up a creek without a paddle, as they say. That being said, once a mom always a mom. It doesn't matter if they're newborn or 60 — you'll always see the world through the lenses of a mother. And also a woman, person, friend, daughter, etc. Those are the identities that can't be changed.

    Reply

Leave a Reply