I’ll be honest, I’m having a really hard time writing this post. I’m not sure why, I’ve certainly talked about my weight before. That said I’ve been working on this post for 2 days and can never get more than a starting word or two before I give up. Too personal, too embarrassing, not that interesting..I’ve had every excuse not to tell you guys this story.
Today is the beginning of the Mardi Gras season here in Mobile. The next month will be full of parades where
drunk cheering onlookers shove each other playfully compete for beads and moon pies. In addition to all the street-side revelry, it also means the ball season is upon us. You guys may remember how I got so stressed over last year’s event and we ended up not even going because the ex got sick at the last minute. No biggie though, means I already have my dress for this year, as I never got to wear the one from January, right?
I went to try it on a couple of days ago. Houston, we have a problem. A big problem. The dress that I bought last year no longer fits- I can’t seem to get it to zip up around my ribcage. Not the hips, not the waist- the problem seems to be happening just below my chest. WTF? Attack of the back fat?? I cannot tell you how badly I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I had to buy this beautiful dress because I’d outgrown the one from the previous year. I went from a 6 to an 8, and am now resting on the lower edge of a 12(skipped 10 altogether I guess), where that poor size 8 dress is refusing to tread.
I know the obvious answer is to buy a new dress, but that is not an option I’m allowing myself. Up until that embarrassing moment, I knew I’d gained weight, but it hadn’t hit me how much. Seems stupid- I see the bigger clothes I have to buy, I see the mirror, but somehow the pieces don’t come together in my mind to give the full picture of reality. I often joke that denial is my happy place, but until the other day I really have been in denial, and that drives me nuts. This is NOT the body I want to have. I want to be comfortable in my own skin again, something I haven’t been for quite some time.
Since I seem to work better with a deadline, I’ve decided my first and immediate goal is to get myself back into that dress in time for the Mardi Gras ball on the 30th. Since its about 2 sizes I need to drop, I am guessing thats about 15-20lbs, but again, its not so much about numbers as just getting back into it. Before anyone starts on me, don’t worry, I am NOT going to be starving myself. I love to eat WAY too much for that! LOL. Just cutting out any bad carbs(Damn you Pepsi!!), going heavy on the protein and veggies, and hitting the gym as much as possible. I have problems with feeling sick when I don’t eat often enough, I’m hoping more protein in my diet will help even out the low blood sugar episodes.
Any words of advice would be great, I have a feeling its going to be a long month! 😉