I’ve noticed being a mom is like juggling. Each child is a ball, and with each one you have to have to work to keep them balanced with each other, and with the rest of the balls you are juggling- the spouse, the home, the finances, the job, the family, the activities. Adding in depression is like trying to continue to juggle it all, but blindfolded.

I was feeling really good when I wrote my last post. The blindfold was gone, and I felt like I had all my balls in the air, so to speak. I have been happier, my kids have been happier, even my husband has been happier seeing the house looking better, me feeling better, and things overall being calmer here. We spent some time alone last night laughing and enjoying each other’s company like we haven’t in some time.

Today another ball dropped.

Seems in my recent fog I made some mistakes, and failed to keep a good eye on the checking account. We agreed awhile back that would be one of my responsibilities, and this is not the first time I’ve screwed things up. Unfortunately this screwup is going to cost us a lot of money. I am so beyond upset right now. the ex is so mad at me it’s not even funny, and I can’t blame him a bit. We go to Orlando every year for our one vacation, and I may have put that in jeopardy with this.

The only possible redeemer right now is I subbed for the first time at my boys’ preschool, and apparently did really well with it. I’m told once you get your foot in the door they will call you to work more often. I went in to the director earlier and told her I’ll take as many days as they will give me, so please keep me in mind when teachers call out. The pay isn’t outstanding, but it’s work, and I can bring my boys with me when I am there and drop them in with their teachers even if it isn’t their usual days. No nights, no weekends, no eating into family time.

Do me a favor and cross your fingers they call me often, this is one ball I have got to get back in the air.

37 Comments on One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

  1. Heather
    October 11, 2007 at 2:40 pm (10 years ago)

    Oh shit.

    I’m just a phone call away if you need to talk.

  2. Deborah
    October 11, 2007 at 2:53 pm (10 years ago)

    Oh crap. I know how you feel only my DH hasn’t copped on yet, which is even worse. I just want to get it out there, but can’t. *SIGH*

    Hang in there!!!

  3. ~JJ!
    October 11, 2007 at 3:28 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m so bad with the checking account.
    I screw up constantly…it’s a fight every month..Damn Target doesn’t help.

    I hope you can work it out…if you need me, I’m here.

  4. Jackie
    October 11, 2007 at 3:47 pm (10 years ago)

    Ouch, sorry one of the balls dropped 🙁
    Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you that they call you in often.

  5. Worker Mommy
    October 11, 2007 at 4:11 pm (10 years ago)

    My fingers are crossed for you. Hey and while it doesn’t help we all make mistakes. Big ones. Don’t beat yourself up, you’re trying to fix it as best as you can and that’s what counts.

    Hang in there, girlfriend!!

  6. HamIam
    October 11, 2007 at 4:21 pm (10 years ago)

    I have so BTDT…and more than I would ever care to admit. 1 1/2 yrs ago, I screwed us up in a depressive fog, to the tune of $1k – and we are so not rich.

    Here’s to things looking up – sun coming out and drying up that fog.

  7. Julie Pippert
    October 11, 2007 at 4:28 pm (10 years ago)

    I hear you…the last year has been some painful dropped balls. Hang in there and yes, lots of wishes for more subbing.

    Using My Words

  8. JaniceNW
    October 11, 2007 at 5:20 pm (10 years ago)

    Aw jeez. I have been there. Not in a long time but you are much younger than I. Geo and I both keep and eye on the checking account. Online. Online banking is so nice. My bills get paid on time because I am so lazzzzzzzy with snail mail.

    I hope this blows over or you get an enexpected monitary gift!!! 😉

  9. Devilish Southern Belle
    October 11, 2007 at 5:43 pm (10 years ago)

    *hugs* I’ll definitely be sending ‘more days’ vibes your way! I’ve been there. It’s scary.

  10. Christy
    October 11, 2007 at 5:57 pm (10 years ago)

    That really sucks!!! I so understand though, I suck at the checking account.

  11. GHD
    October 11, 2007 at 7:55 pm (10 years ago)

    Crap, I hate when stuff like that happens. I pride myself as being the “responsible one” with the bills around here, but then last week I go and forget to pay the credit card bill…

    In fact, your post reminded me to call our credit company about it (thanks!)

    I hope everything gets figure out soon and you can go on vacation.

  12. rimarama
    October 12, 2007 at 7:27 am (10 years ago)

    I know how that can be. It’s very easy to do with all the other things that are going on. Don’t beat yourself up over it too, much – this kind of thing happens to all of us at one point or another.

    I hope you come into a truckload of cash soon!

  13. Coma Girl
    October 12, 2007 at 8:38 am (10 years ago)

    I am sorry to hear about your financial woes.

    You are such a talented writer, can you make some money writing?

  14. HamIam
    October 12, 2007 at 9:42 am (10 years ago)

    In Which My Ramblings Work as a Peer Support Group…

    Sara, at Suburban Oblivion is currently being featured on BlogHer Headlines for her outspoken post raising awareness about the benefits of antidepressants…As I read that post, oh, how I related. And even more so as I read the post she had up yesterday…Depression doesn’t just go away. And one of the cruelest things about it is that often the things that happen in the fog become all too clear just as we feel life might be worth living again; after we’ve stabilized on our meds. Seeing the error of our ways with such clarity does nothing to help our new mental status. At least it didn’t for me….

    Thought I’d share some of my lows…it WILL get better.

  15. Erin
    October 12, 2007 at 11:26 am (10 years ago)

    I am so sorry. I have been there too and my husband ALWAYS gets really mad when I mess up the checking account. As though I’m not beating myself up enough for whatever mistake happened, he has to add his two cents. Arg.

    Sending lots of “more days” vibes your way.

  16. Mrs. Fussypants
    October 12, 2007 at 1:18 pm (10 years ago)

    My best guess of money lost due to my bouncing checks….$6,923,835,023.
    Give or take a few commas.

    I made Mr. Smartypants do it. ….well,uh, he INSISTED on doing it!

    Being a Mommy is hard enough, I say.

    Congrats on the preschool!
    I’ll keep you in my prayers this weekend.

    Hugs to you!

  17. Shauna
    October 12, 2007 at 1:53 pm (10 years ago)

    One thing I do know about on-call work is that once you prove yourself, they will call you. LOTS. I used to do on-call work at a hospital and it got to a point where I needed to turn down calls because I was tired – or because I had already worked 40 hours by Tuesday (double shifts – long before having kids). I’m sure you’ll get called more.

    Sorry about your money situation. I like that you are taking responsibility for it, though. One thing that annoys me is when people try to blame others or won’t accept their part in it. It isn’t easiest to do so, but I love that you did. I hope it all works out.

    Do you manage your finances on your computer? I love Excel. So easy – it does all the calculations for you!

  18. Shauna
    October 12, 2007 at 1:54 pm (10 years ago)

    By the way, LOVE the juggling analogy. Perfect!!

  19. hello insomnia
    October 12, 2007 at 3:44 pm (10 years ago)

    My husband is meticulous when it comes to finances and logs down every expense. I do not. I have an “idea” about how much money I have at any given time. I need to work on this.

    Soon as they see how awesome you are, I’m sure they’ll be glad to give you tons of days.

  20. becky
    October 12, 2007 at 6:45 pm (10 years ago)

    I have messed up the checking account so bad not too long ago. We are still slowly recovering from that. I don’t know if this is an option for you or not…but this is what we did….I closed out the checking account and now we only deal with cash. When it comes to paying our bills online we have a prepaid credit card that I only see when its time to pay them. If i want to order something online I have to clear it with him. Wonder if this option would help prevent things in the future?
    In the meantime I really hope and pray that they will call you when they need the extra help!!!

  21. J
    October 13, 2007 at 10:29 am (10 years ago)

    🙁 That totally sucks. I’m sorry, and I hope you can get it figured out soon.

  22. Mimipz5wjj
    October 13, 2007 at 11:48 am (10 years ago)

    That sucks! Hopefully something will work out!

    Good luck with the teaching and subbing! I plan on trying it out next year at the pre-school!

  23. cate
    October 13, 2007 at 12:48 pm (10 years ago)

    oh no….i know what that’s like, ’cause i’ve been there. it’s so easy to make a tiny mistake like that, and then it turns into something huge….i’m so sorry!

    i will keep everything i can cross crossed for you. hugs from the monkey house!

  24. S
    October 13, 2007 at 2:45 pm (10 years ago)

    It definitely happens to everyone. I’m EXTREMELY Type A and every once in a while I just completely space on finances. Wish the banks were as understanding as your readers!

  25. Mom Knows Everything
    October 13, 2007 at 5:32 pm (10 years ago)

    I’ve been a mom for almost 14 years and I have dropped the ball many a times! Just remember moms are people too and we all make mistakes some times. Smile, things will get better. 🙂

  26. erin
    October 13, 2007 at 7:02 pm (10 years ago)

    Been there…hope you get it worked out1!!

  27. Jerseygirl89
    October 13, 2007 at 8:56 pm (10 years ago)

    I’ve so been there. . .I think it was last month.

    I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

    Good luck at the preschool – it sounds ideal.

  28. SummerM
    October 14, 2007 at 5:15 pm (10 years ago)

    Thinking of you and hoping you can gt that ball back in the air. (((HUGS)))

  29. Annie
    October 15, 2007 at 5:45 am (10 years ago)

    I hate the household finances. I’m sorry this happened to you 🙁

  30. Bec
    October 15, 2007 at 7:00 am (10 years ago)

    I’m sorry, I understand what it’s like to come out of the fog and realize you’ve screwed up 🙁

  31. Pendullum
    October 15, 2007 at 8:34 am (10 years ago)

    There is a light at the end of the tunnel… and this glitch will be fixed….
    Do not be so hard on yourself…
    One step at a time…

    I am keeping my fingers crossed…
    And hope they call you often…

  32. pinks & blues girls
    October 15, 2007 at 10:56 am (10 years ago)

    Fingers crossed for you.

    I am in charge of our finances, too, and I’ve learned the hard way that being a procrastinator (which I totally am) is not good when it comes time to pay the bills. What do ya know!

    I am hoping you’re able to get some more subbing gigs at the school.

    Jane, Pinks & Blues

  33. Redneck Mommy
    October 16, 2007 at 11:55 am (10 years ago)

    I feel your pain. I’ve been in charge of our family finances for years and have made more than one costly error.

    I hope it works out for you.

    And I love the posts on depression. Been battling with it myself lately.

  34. Blue Momma
    October 17, 2007 at 8:29 am (10 years ago)

    We don’t use checks except when absolutely necessary, therefore avoiding the big bounce! Using my credit card for monthly expenses has earned me $1800 in reward dollars over the past 3 1/2 years. And those are cash awards, not airline miles.

    I sub at my Punkin’s MDO. The pay is peanuts, but it makes the hubby feel better and I spend it without feeling guilty. Plus I get to know the teachers better, which is always a plus.

    Hang in there! If you are like me, if the shit didn’t hit the fan occasionally you’d think you were in someone else’s life.

  35. Mary mert
    October 17, 2007 at 9:47 am (10 years ago)

    Oh man, I have been there. Actually my husband and I have both made huge mistakes when it comes to our finances. I hope all goes well and they do call you very often. Hopefully your husband will soon realize that though it may have cost you al lot of money, you are still human.

  36. crunchy carpets
    October 19, 2007 at 8:05 pm (10 years ago)

    Chin up…..shit happens…usually JUST when you have taken a breath and relaxed a bit…..I am sure your dh understands…I HOPE he does.


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