“You already have a girl, and now you’ll have a boy, you must be so thrilled! You’ll have the perfect family!”

“A girl and a boy, how wonderful! A matched set!”

I would have loved to have seen the looks on the faces of these well-meaning idiots if I had told them the truth- we’d really hoped for a second girl.

Oh, I can see it now. Did she really just say that??????

The politically correct answer regarding baby’s gender is always, ALWAYS to be “We don’t care either way, as long as he/she is healthy”. I’m not the most politically correct person in the world, and my second time around, I did have a preference. My daughter was 5 at the time, and so for 5 years I had been the mother of a very laid back, sweet little girl. She was my only experience with babies, having been an only child myself. I knew boys were rougher, liked to get dirty, and tended to be loud, and I really wanted no part of all that. So it really annoyed the piss out of me when people announced that I must be THRILLED to be having a boy now. And the matched set comments made me want to use the excuse of pregnancy hormones to dig their eyeballs out with a dull butter knife. Matched sets are for vases and bookends, not children.

I got over the boy-shock pretty quickly, and as far as my three children go, that boy-I’d-wished-was-a-girl has turned out to be the child most like me in personality, and the one I suspect I will be emotionally closest to as he gets older, simply because I can relate to and appreciate his little quirks. He and his brother are loud, they are rough, and they do like to get dirty, but man, little boys love their mamas in a way that make it all worth it. Or so I tell myself when they are trying to beat the snot out of each other or torturing their sister. Matched set indeed.

I wish I’d have had the guts to say what I really thought back then. So what was YOUR least-favorite comment received when pregnant, and what was your snarkiest comeback given(or wished you had!)? Don’t you wish you could have just handed them this? Write your own post on this topic and link back to Parent Bloggers Network and you too could be entered to win an autographed copy of the book and an Ipod Shuffle!

24 Comments on You’ll Have the Perfect Matched Set!

  1. Annie
    July 6, 2007 at 9:31 am (10 years ago)

    What a sweet post. I too had a mild preference for another girl for the same reason – that was my experience and, well I could bring out the cute outfits again 😉 When the u/s showed it was a boy I was like ‘oh shit’ lol! But even at 9 months I can agree that boys are sweet – and mine is a mama’s boy already – but I’m okay with that 🙂

    Reply
  2. Dixie Amazon
    July 6, 2007 at 9:43 am (10 years ago)

    While pregnant with my third child and other two in tow, I would be asked if it was a girl. When I said no, the response was “Well, you can always try again.” 😯 As if a third boy was a mistake on our part.

    My answer? “We have tried again and we are apparently meant to have boys!”

    Reply
  3. sam
    July 6, 2007 at 9:47 am (10 years ago)

    *snort* matching set, seriously? Like a nice new sweater set.

    People make me sick. LOL

    Reply
  4. julia
    July 6, 2007 at 9:51 am (10 years ago)

    I’m not too ashamed to admit that I was over the moon when I was told that The Bug was another girl. Everyone kept saying “Oh, too bad,” like I’d just lost the spelling bee or something.

    But what really frosts my ass is the “You have HOW many children?” Four. I have four. Not 87. Not even 17, like the Duggars. Also, the comments on how many years are between the 2nd and 3rd child. They stand there waiting for me to justify to them why there’s such a gap. And like an idiot, I do it every time. I need to stop that.

    Reply
  5. S
    July 6, 2007 at 10:02 am (10 years ago)

    Same thing here, except I’d say, “Oh, ya, I actually wanted two boys… It should be interesting with a girl…they kinda scare me!”

    Oh the looks of horror I’d get! It was as if I’d committed the cardinal sin.

    Reply
  6. Jodi
    July 6, 2007 at 10:28 am (10 years ago)

    I never ever let myself have a preference at all. We didn’t find out sexes until their births and I couldn’t bear the thought of feeling even the tiniest bit disappointed when I first met my child.

    I also would never say, “as long as s/he’s healthy” because it felt like that was saying that an unhealthy child wouldn’t be loved as much as a healthy one.

    Reply
  7. Swistle
    July 6, 2007 at 11:03 am (10 years ago)

    I had boy-girl twins, and people say “Oh, a boy and a girl, now you don’t have to have any more!” Since I have two older kids and one younger, and often one or two or three of them are WITH me, I don’t know what people are thinking. One person said it during my last week pregnant with my youngest, so when she said “Now you don’t have to have any more” I turned sideways and said, “TOO LATE.”

    Reply
  8. surviving motherhood
    July 6, 2007 at 11:12 am (10 years ago)

    ahh, so thats how you define a perfect family then, one boy one girl. Good to know for future reference.

    People say the most inane things, and the worst thing is that half the time they don’t actually believe or even control what they say, these responses just come poring out of their mouths automatically when faced with certain situations. these people need to engage their brains more.

    Reply
  9. Jennifer
    July 6, 2007 at 12:07 pm (10 years ago)

    I wanted another boy! I guess I have a matched set now.

    Reply
  10. Tina
    July 6, 2007 at 1:21 pm (10 years ago)

    I got that ALL THE TIME.

    Greek old ladies touching my belly – especially pregnant with my second (another girl) – saying “it’s a boy.” as if they had some kind of magic xray vision. Then I would say. “It’s a girl.” when I knew and they would give me this look of “oh you poor thing, I am sooooo sorry.” (old mediterranean mentality. The girls cost money (dowry) and the boys take care of the parents in their old age.) LOL!

    I’d always go for shock value though…and say “Oh I am so happy. I don’t want a boy!!!!!!”

    I really didn’t either. I wanted 2 girls. And I got them.

    If I say that today – still – all the boy moms will tell me how their son is so special and he is the most affectionate of the gang etcetc…blah blah. Yeah. I would of loved my boy if I had had him. But I wanted girls. Period.

    Is that hard for people to grasp? LOL

    Reply
  11. danielle
    July 6, 2007 at 3:33 pm (10 years ago)

    My mother of all people would say the stupidest things. When my 1st was born all through the prengancy we thought it was a girl…well the girl grew a penis. My mom said “where is my granddaughter?? someone switched babies. I want my granddaughter.” This was less than an hour after I gave birth. 👿

    Then when DS was 6 months old I was expecting again. Both sets of grandparents said “Oh, poor Seth (my DS), he will feel shattered. You didn’t give him enough time of just you and him.” Ughhhh

    Reply
  12. JamieE
    July 6, 2007 at 3:48 pm (10 years ago)

    I had a boy first and 18 months later I was in labor again hoping for a second. When they said “it’s a girl” I was a little deflated. Now they say “oh two of each, perfect” and I agree. I think me and my sister being put into competition for my mom’s affection is the basis for my hesitation for having a girl, but I am over it now and I love every minute of their interactions, usually.
    The rudest thing was when we had Ben and Allie and everyone assumed we were done. That always bugged me.

    Reply
  13. Patois
    July 6, 2007 at 4:58 pm (10 years ago)

    When I was pregnant with my third — already having had first a son and then a daughter — a woman with “one of each,” said to me, “Why would you possibly have another? You already have one of each.” Dumb ass.

    Reply
  14. Zellmer
    July 6, 2007 at 7:13 pm (10 years ago)

    I felt like this post spoke directly to me. I have a 15-month-old daughter and a boy due in November. I never really admitted it out loud, but I kinda wanted another girl, too. I had the perfect name picked out for her. I am very excited to be having a boy though, because I’ll get the experience of both genders. And I loved hearing your arguments for boys. They’re the exact same arguments I made to myself to get excited about having a boy. Thanks for confirming for me how much boys do love their mamas, and how emotionally connected a boy and his mother can be. I can’t wait!

    Reply
  15. christina
    July 6, 2007 at 9:49 pm (10 years ago)

    oh. I faked my sonogram. I wanted a boy to play with all day so when the lady told me it was a girl and my husband and bestfriend lit up i kind of frowned and then just sarcastically said “yes, that’s wonderful.” But now, I’m so glad hse is a girl.

    My worst comments were “Hold are you? Do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be?” And I wish I had the balls to threaten them but I never had a response ready. dammit.

    Reply
  16. christina
    July 6, 2007 at 9:50 pm (10 years ago)

    **How old are you**

    Reply
  17. O Mama Mia
    July 7, 2007 at 6:01 am (10 years ago)

    My MIL…. when we announced it was a girl, her reply was “Well I knew it would be, but I wanted you to have a boy for Griff (my hub).”…. uh… WTH???

    Reply
  18. Mary
    July 7, 2007 at 4:56 pm (10 years ago)

    My FIL asked if my ass was getting big , just like that, over the phone. He asked my husband and my hubs refused to answer. When I found out what my FIL had asked, I grabbed the phone and told him it was a good thing I loved him or I’d fly out to Iowa and kiss HIS ass.

    Gad, that felt good. 😀

    Reply
  19. Mary
    July 7, 2007 at 4:57 pm (10 years ago)

    Ooops, talk about ruining the punch line ROFL! I meant to say KICK his ass not kiss his ass 😯

    😉

    Reply
  20. MamaLee
    July 7, 2007 at 7:05 pm (10 years ago)

    I got the ever popular “you now have a boy and a girl – the perfect family!” And when I said we were going for one more, I got, “but WHY?”

    I see stupid people.

    Reply
  21. GHD
    July 8, 2007 at 8:19 pm (10 years ago)

    I feel the same way about my son. There is something special about that mother-son bond and judging from that way my hubby and my mother-in-law connect, you and I have a lot to look forward to as our boys grow up.

    When I was preggers, I expressed a preference for having a boy, then I got confirmation from the sono. Most people just went with it, but one person told me to “never say that” because “a friend of friend of a cousin who’s next door neighbor got pregnant and said she wanted a girl, but found it was boy. Then, the baby in her tummy died because it know it wasn’t really wanted… ” ❗ ❓ She ACTUALLY thought it was “appropriate” to tell me this story while I was 5 month pregnant. WHO SAYS THAT TO A PREGNANT PERSON! A psychopath.

    Reply
  22. Cate
    July 9, 2007 at 10:32 pm (10 years ago)

    After Zander, we thought it would be cool to have a girl…but it became obvious at birth that Logan was another boy…and we were cool with that.

    What pissed me off when I was pregnant with Logan was that EVERYONE said “so you want this one to be a girl, right?”…..the more I heard this, the more I felt an odd kind of pressure….I have to have a girl…..

    When I was calling around telling people I’d had my second, they would say “and it’s a girl?”…or I would tell them it was another boy and they would say “really???”….

    Is there some kind of twisted old wives tale that says if your first child is a boy, the second one will be a girl (or vice versa)? I think I missed that one!

    Reply
  23. JayMonster
    July 10, 2007 at 8:32 am (10 years ago)

    Not quite the same thing (and since I was never pregnant, I guess my issues are a bit different :roll: ), the thing that gets me right now, is when people ask us WHEN we are having another child, and the shock and horror exhibited when we say we are done at one.

    And then I am expected to justify it to them.

    Reply

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