I had a friend break up with me last night. Gawd that sounds so teen angst-y doesn’t it? It feels that way.

In short, because I grew a conscience and grew up, I ‘have changed’ too much to be her friend.

I am ok with that, I’ll claim it.

In fact I am going to flat-out embrace it. I *have* been going through a lot of changes this year. I’m rethinking my priorities, and realizing what is important to me. I’ve examined my values and found them lacking, and have worked to rectify that. I’ve found a focus with my writing, and I’m making goals. For the first time ever, I feel like I know who I am, what I want, and where I am going. I am dropping extra baggage, and only keeping what is important to me.

Sometimes change is good.

29 Comments on The Rest is Still Unwritten

  1. Heather
    July 10, 2007 at 6:56 am (10 years ago)

    Yeah, most of the time when a friend divorces me, I no longer give a shit anyway.

    I have to admit though…I don’t want to grow up.

    Reply
  2. JamieE
    July 10, 2007 at 7:10 am (10 years ago)

    I am happy for you that you got closure. I had a friend recently just stop talking to me because I used Crisis Nursery. Nice huh? Supportive. Not.

    Reply
  3. Rhonda
    July 10, 2007 at 7:14 am (10 years ago)

    Is it mean of me to want to say Congrats??

    If you were dumped for growing a conscience then I just worry about the people who stay. Will they now be able to stand together as a group when one of their members is found out even though they don’t all agree. Will there be no one there to say, “hey, maybe we shouldn’t do this?”

    Well welcome to the world of Online Divorcees. We are a nice bunch. lol

    Reply
  4. Lynn
    July 10, 2007 at 7:20 am (10 years ago)

    I had a friend “break-up” with me once a few years ago. It was for no good reason, other than her being jealous of another friendship I had. It felt very “high-schoolish” and it was very hard for me to accept. I had always tried my hardest to balance these two friendships and in the end, I guess I just wasn’t good enough at it. I loved your song choice!

    Reply
  5. Sara
    July 10, 2007 at 7:26 am (10 years ago)

    Rhonda, who’d have ever thought we’d be in agreement on anything? LOL..Strange bedfellows indeed.

    Reply
  6. Zakia
    July 10, 2007 at 7:38 am (10 years ago)

    I think extra baggage just weighs us down ..good on u for moving on … at least u got closure !

    Reply
  7. Jennifer
    July 10, 2007 at 8:14 am (10 years ago)

    When I left a board because of the same sort of issues, I was dumped by someone that I was quite close to. Or thought I was anyway. That one hurt, when I was told I was in an obnoxious place and she couldn’t be around me anymore I was stupefied. I realize that I never really knew any of these people, let alone her. I wish I could move on and have the same take on it that you do. I have to try. I know I have to. I just wish it would stop hurting. I don’t get why I want to be around them when I know that they would readily tear me apart as look at me. Why do I care. 😕

    Reply
  8. Cakehead
    July 10, 2007 at 8:26 am (10 years ago)

    You have grown up a lot. I have been reading your blog pretty much since you have started and I can see that you have definately grown. The pack mentality that can form in groups is astonishing. We aren’t wild animals. I am glad to see that you are adjusting to your divorcee status with grace. Oh and ITA with Rhonda.

    Reply
  9. sam
    July 10, 2007 at 8:47 am (10 years ago)

    Divorcing friends is always hard, and usually necessary. I have done it to… with ones I truly thought were my best friends and turn out not to be.

    Online friends? I’ve divorced a couple of them as well. It’s still not easy.

    Reply
  10. GHD
    July 10, 2007 at 9:24 am (10 years ago)

    It’s always hard to lose a friend, but I’ve found it’s usually for the best. Can’t you tell this has happened to me quite a bit in the past few years? 😛

    There’s just something about becoming more responsible that turns off certain people who’d rather things never change.

    Good Riddance. Good Closure.

    Reply
  11. JayMonster
    July 10, 2007 at 11:04 am (10 years ago)

    My wedding Day was the last day I saw or spoke to the Best Man in my wedding.

    Growth happens, those that don’t get left behind… even if they think THEY are the ones leaving.

    Reply
  12. Tina
    July 10, 2007 at 11:58 am (10 years ago)

    It’s something that happens “around” the age of 30 for alot of women.

    We do some house cleaning in the friend department.

    She may have done the actual breaking up with you but you may have initiated it subconciously as well – to her. You changed, you called less, etc etc…and she understood it.

    I dropped so many people in my early 30’s. Mostly people who did give back as much as I gave. Or who didn’t add anything but stress to my life. It happens. Quality over quantity.

    HUGS

    Reply
  13. Tina
    July 10, 2007 at 11:59 am (10 years ago)

    Oh and online. I still do it. It is hard. But it is different.

    Reply
  14. Cate
    July 10, 2007 at 12:13 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m sorry that you lost a friend, but it happens. When I was in college I had tons of friends, and only a few of them remain. I grew up and started a family, they didn’t. My priorities changed while they were still hitting the bar scene. Whatever. I’ve made tons of new friends that have a lot in common with me NOW, not then. I think that’s common. Your life, priorities, interests change over time, as do your friends. Even though it happens to everyone, it’s still sad sometimes….

    Reply
  15. mcewen
    July 10, 2007 at 12:20 pm (10 years ago)

    Well good for you dearie. I’m still working on it, but I agree, blogging / writing helps you [one] work through things.
    Best wishes

    Reply
  16. Jennifer
    July 10, 2007 at 1:22 pm (10 years ago)

    Sometimes we just grow apart. I divorced a friend last summer, so glad I did. It just wasn’t worth it anymore.

    Reply
  17. Beckie
    July 10, 2007 at 5:30 pm (10 years ago)

    Some “friendships” are more trouble than they’re worth… It can suck to lose a friend, but in the long run, you’re definitely better off.

    Reply
  18. danielle
    July 10, 2007 at 7:17 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m sorry. It still hurts even if it was meant to be. I have less “long-term” friends as I get older. Maybe I’m too picky, or maybe I just don’t like people. :mrgreen:

    Reply
  19. Fairly Odd Mother
    July 10, 2007 at 7:32 pm (10 years ago)

    Did she say, “It’s not you, it’s me?” I hate that.

    Glad you got some closure though. Remember, change is good!

    Reply
  20. QueenMother
    July 10, 2007 at 8:22 pm (10 years ago)

    UGH! You and I are going through a lot of the same self realizations now. I am beginning to realize that one of my friends that I was blaming for our problems-uh-wasn’t to blame-I was. 😳 However, with some changes that I am making in our life-I feel so much more open with my friends-less trying to live this ideal life-trying to live an imperfect life with grace-I don’t know if all my “friends” will jive with this, but I know the real ones will. Talk about a run-on. I guess one of my changes is letting go of grammar snoberry! 😆

    Reply
  21. slackermommy
    July 10, 2007 at 9:44 pm (10 years ago)

    Good for you! I love when I make little revelations like that. Unfortunately sometimes when we make positive growth we have to drop people who won’t grow with you.

    Reply
  22. Kimberly
    July 10, 2007 at 9:57 pm (10 years ago)

    Wow. My first time visiting here, and…well…wow. That post resonated with me in so many ways. I’ve been pondering a lot lately about how much I’ve changed in the last few years, and how disconnected that makes me feel. Some friendships are slipping away, and I’ve been so saddened by that. Perhaps, instead, I should feel joyful in the realization that I’m beginning to fulfill my potential at long last. And perhaps new friendships await?

    Thanks for the insight.

    Reply
  23. julia
    July 10, 2007 at 10:54 pm (10 years ago)

    I have an on again, off again relationship that I think I need to end, but I don’t know how, or even if I should. We’ve been friends for 35 years. Somehow, I can’t bring myself to just toss that, even though we’ve grown so far apart over the last few years. It’s hard.

    I’m glad you’re good with what happened. It makes it easier.

    Reply
  24. Jennie
    July 11, 2007 at 5:52 am (10 years ago)

    It is hard to lose a friend- especially one who you have known for a while- but sometimes the energy it takes to maintain a relationship with someone who’s values really aren’t the same as your isn’t worth it.

    Good for you for knowing yourself!

    Reply
  25. Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah
    July 11, 2007 at 3:09 pm (10 years ago)

    It’s probably for the best. A friend that wants to “break up” with you was probably only in the friendship for their own benefit anyway.

    Reply
  26. J
    July 11, 2007 at 4:05 pm (10 years ago)

    Seems like this happens to all of us at some point. The idea that we have to continue to be friends just because we once were is kind of stupid. There is a lot to be said for loyalty, of course, and old friendships…but if you’re tying each other down, or if one or both of you can’t cope with the changes that have happened? Time to end it.

    Reply
  27. amanda
    July 13, 2007 at 7:06 am (10 years ago)

    My stepdad dumped me 1 year and a half ago. “We no longer have that much in common,” in response to my putting my girls and husband first. My mom has not called him on it. My fury and pain are boundless.
    ” I am dropping extra baggage, and only keeping what is important to me.” Amen.

    Reply
  28. Redneck Mommy
    July 13, 2007 at 7:48 pm (10 years ago)

    Currently going through a friend divorce as we speak. Sad, isn’t it. Yet, I feel so free and good about my decision to walk away and file the papers.

    We had our season, but our lives are now at cross purposes, and the one thing I have learned since my son died was how truly precious my time and my life is and I only want to be surrounded by positive people and people who can teach me something. Not drag me down.

    Besides, now that we are down one less friend each, we have more room for each other!

    Smooches.

    Reply
  29. Devilish Southern Belle
    July 14, 2007 at 1:37 pm (10 years ago)

    Yes, indeed, change is good. I love change, once I start rolling. I’m just scared and usually put up a fuss at first. I foresee lots of changes for me this year, too, and possibly next.

    Reply

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