Or not so much.

Ever notice how there seem to be two kind of moms in every group? There are the ones who take this hugely optimistic view on everything- life is wonderful, their kids are wonderful, their husbands are wonderful, everything is just so. damn. wonderful! Then there are the rest of us. The ones who are a little quicker to admit that life, and motherhood in particular, has more ups and downs than anything Six Flags has to offer. We talk about it, we blog about it, and we do not put up the pretense that life is always perfect.

Heck, maybe their lives really are that perfect. Maybe they’ve made the right choice every step of the way, and the rest of us are just a bunch of fuckups fumbling our way through like a blind man in a dark room. If that’s the case, I envy them.

I suspect it’s not though. To err is human, and none of us are exempt from that. To put up this facade that you never have any problems is to do an injustice to every woman out there who doubts herself and questions her choices. We all do it, everyone has doubts. I understand not airing dirty laundry, and I respect that. But to never show more than one dimension of your life robs you and those around you of the experience of the real person within, flaws and all.

20 Comments on Sparkly Sunshiney Rainbow Views on Motherhood

  1. Cakehead
    June 6, 2007 at 9:12 am (10 years ago)

    Sorry Sara, I have to disagree with you here. I’m perfect and everyone knows it. If you feel you don’t truly know me it’s only because you are jealous of my great lifestyle! My husband is fabulous and my child never throws a tantrum. My name is also Rainbow-Brite and I have a pony named Cotton Candy.

    In other words, I’m in total agreement with you.

    Reply
  2. MommaK
    June 6, 2007 at 9:27 am (10 years ago)

    Ummm. So are you saying that your blog playgroup yesterday had these sort of moms present? Cuz that’s a hell of a juicy story.

    Reply
  3. moosh in indy.
    June 6, 2007 at 10:14 am (10 years ago)

    Shiny happy mommies bug me.
    Cynical realistic mommies rock.
    Long live cynical realistic mommies.
    We keep the comfort food business alive.

    Reply
  4. Amanda
    June 6, 2007 at 11:41 am (10 years ago)

    I don’t think it’s any secret that no one’s life is perfect. So I don’t get it either. Too many moms try to pretend it is. Oh well…

    Reply
  5. Heather
    June 6, 2007 at 1:17 pm (10 years ago)

    You mean we aren’t suppose to air dirty laundry? Hmmm, I guess I broke that when I confessed to my skid mark/stained underwear. Damn it. I’m so uncouth.

    Hi, I’m Heather and I’m a fuck up most of the time.

    Reply
  6. Cate
    June 6, 2007 at 1:25 pm (10 years ago)

    I have perfect *moments*…but most of the time my life as a mother to two busy, hyper, high-needs little boys is just a big cluster-fuck! I try to see the bright side of things…but it’s hard at times…impossible at other times. Being a mom is a steep learning curve…just when you think you’ve figured something out, a new situation crops up…..the fun never ends!

    Reply
  7. N
    June 6, 2007 at 2:33 pm (10 years ago)

    Regarding those two kinds of moms… It’s quite possibly that you’re noticing moms with their feet planted squarely in reality (the “rest of us” category) vs. the moms on Prozac. Or meth. Or perhaps they’re having some sick little contest to see who can portray the best version of perfection in life.

    We have friends like this. Friends that call up and brag about this and that. It’s a contest to see who envies who. The problem is, when you spend all of your effort on the facade rather than the underlying structure, the whole thing eventually collapses.

    You are very correct in your assessment, and from where I stand, you’re on the right side of life.

    Great post….. Thanks!

    Reply
  8. kristi
    June 6, 2007 at 2:43 pm (10 years ago)

    People who say they are the perfect Mommy ………….well, I feel they are lying..or holding it all in and will explode one day!

    Reply
  9. Megan (Velveteen Mind)
    June 6, 2007 at 6:10 pm (10 years ago)

    Fortunately, my introduction into your playgroup today didn’t seem to involve any of those perfect moms. Well, except you and your vigilant eye.

    I’ve got to say, spending the day with a group of laid-back moms was refreshing. Everyone needs a healthy dose of fart and poop stories every now and then. Oh, and let me not forget the coordinating sound effects (note, not the real thing) courtesy of your lovely daughter! I think I may be good for about a year now.

    Reply
  10. Diane
    June 6, 2007 at 6:13 pm (10 years ago)

    Perfect untill they find out about the secretary
    *insert evil grin*

    Reply
  11. Megan (Velveteen Mind)
    June 6, 2007 at 6:27 pm (10 years ago)

    Oh, and in reference to MommaK’s comment, I am totally not one of those perfect moms Sara is referring to, even though the timing may have looked like she was talking about our playgroup today! I swear! Even if I don’t tell fart and poop jokes, I am far from perfect. Sara wrote this post before playgroup this morning.

    Reply
  12. Jennie
    June 6, 2007 at 7:11 pm (10 years ago)

    Hee hee Sara- great post! I totally wish I could be even more honest in my posts… on the forum and my blog but my husband has drilled into my head that he’s up for tenure….
    I love the dirt! You are a real person… those “perfect mommies” are just cardboard cutouts…. one must wonder- what are they covering up?
    By the way, I’m totally willing to share dirt… DH has just convinced me not to publish it on the web… darn it!!!

    Reply
  13. Beckie
    June 6, 2007 at 10:39 pm (10 years ago)

    You didn’t know that I am a perfect mother? Whew… Glad I’ve kept that hidden these last 2 years!

    Reply
  14. Amanda
    June 7, 2007 at 8:08 am (10 years ago)

    Oh gosh Jennie, I totally know what you mean about the whole crazy tenure thing! Ben just got tenure. Maybe I should celebrate with a really crazy post. hmm hafta think about that one.

    Reply
  15. moodswingingmommy
    June 7, 2007 at 10:54 am (10 years ago)

    Those “perfect” moms with hidden inferiority complexes are one of the reasons I both dread and love receiving the Happy Holiday Newsletters. There’s so much material in them for comic relief!

    Regarding N’s comment above: I guess I’m in pretty bad shape, since I am on Prozac and I still tend to be a negative miles-from-perfect, planted-firmly-in-reality mommy mess. Perhaps the people to whom you are referring either have no need for Prozac, or are on way too high a dosage. Just sayin’

    Reply
  16. michelle
    June 8, 2007 at 2:42 pm (10 years ago)

    I think you’re so right and usually those totally optimistic, “my life is all fabulous, all the time” mommies are totally lying. I’m always suspiscious of anyone who has to broadcast how great their life his, their hubby is, how perfect their kids are, etc. You need to share the good, the bad and even the ugly.

    Reply
  17. Erin
    June 9, 2007 at 8:26 pm (10 years ago)

    I know that I have to censor myself ALOT in my blog. In it’s beginning stages, I gave everyone I knew (including my MIL) the URL. My 12 year old also passed it on to several of her friends.
    I could kick myself! I can’t bitch about the people I want to bitch about (including my MIL and kids), because I know they read it frequently. I’m very jealous of those of you who are able to put it all out there!
    Also, Moodswinging Mommy might have hit the nail on the head with the Prozac bit…I’m on a high dosage of Lexipro, and I’m not feelin’ a thing;)

    Reply
  18. Meredith
    June 15, 2007 at 7:42 pm (10 years ago)

    I couldn’t have said it better myself!!!

    Reply

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