Confession #221…I will not pass gas in front of my husband.

Yes, we are married. Yes, we’ve been together almost 9 years. No, I refuse to let him hear the sound of my farts.

I realize this makes me a total freak in the world of married gals. My playgroup buddies have gotten quite a laugh out of this, and the Queen in particular likes to rib me about it. They all pass gas in front of their men, many of them will leave the bathroom door open and do all kinds of things while in the same room.

I just. can’t. do. it.

Don’t get me wrong, he has heard me before. You can’t sleep in the same bed with someone and NOT hear them let them out as they snore. And it’s not that he would even have a problem with it. God knows he has no problem doing it in front of me. (As loud as he lets them go I suppose you could say he has no problems doing it in front of the neighbors also.) I just can’t. I will literally get up and go to another room if I think it will be too loud to conceal. And if the are really smelling bad, I will find something to do elsewhere.

So there you have it, my confession of What’s Under My Sk*rt. You won’t hear it, but if my skirt’s a blowin’, you’ll be a knowin’!

Speaking of things that go on below skirt level, check out our fiber supplement review over at Suburban Reviews!

18 Comments on My Skirt Blows, But There is No Breeze

  1. Megan (Velveteen Mind)
    June 19, 2007 at 9:30 pm (10 years ago)

    Never, never have I given so much thought to passing gas as I have since stumbling into this little blog circle. And I live with three boys.

  2. Erin
    June 20, 2007 at 12:01 am (10 years ago)

    LOL – That is too funny! Of course I felt that way at first – but after that, it’s all fair play…He did it, I did it… now my son does it!

  3. Annie
    June 20, 2007 at 5:32 am (10 years ago)

    My cousin is the same way as you. I’m glad I don’t have this hang up – I’d be clenching my cheeks and walking funny – a lot!

  4. Jennie
    June 20, 2007 at 5:43 am (10 years ago)

    LOL! Pregnancy cured me of this particular hang up- I am so impressed you made it through 3 without giving it up!

  5. Jenny
    June 20, 2007 at 6:13 am (10 years ago)

    Girl, I am exactly the same way. My husband is all “Why did you just get up from bed to go into the closet?” Jokes on him though because it’s his closet.

  6. Sarah
    June 20, 2007 at 7:05 am (10 years ago)

    Pregnancy cured me as well. Until then I too wanted to maintain the illusion of delicacy, but seriously, once your husband has accompanied you to the OB’s office and seen you with your legs in stirrups or heard you being questioned about constipation problems, I think the gig is up.

  7. problem girl
    June 20, 2007 at 7:07 am (10 years ago)

    I don’t fart in front of my husband either. Even more neurotic, I try to do all my pooping when he’s not home.

  8. Heather
    June 20, 2007 at 7:31 am (10 years ago)

    All’s fair in love and war baby!

    Farts are just another way of saying, “hey baby, I love you THAT much.”

    And while I may leave the door open in the bathroom, it’s NEVER while dropping a load, iykwim? Only teetee! Because he if can stand there and whiz while I’m in the shower, then why can’t I sit and take a leak? At least he can’t SEE my stream like I can his.

  9. Heather
    June 20, 2007 at 7:31 am (10 years ago)

    Megan, hang around our crazy asses much more and we’ll have you thinking about things you never never thought you would. We’re cool like that.

  10. cakehead
    June 20, 2007 at 8:09 am (10 years ago)

    Hey, I’m a freak too! My first husband was absolutely disgusting. Not only did he blow loud farts, but more often than not they smelled like something alien had crawled up his butt. He tortured me with HIS gas, but guess what? I never ever let one go intentionally in front of him. If I did on accident he would laugh and laugh and laugh. I think it scarred me for life.

    With my current soon-to-be-ex, he’s just as retentive as I am. I have never heard him let one go, and I’ve only smelled one once. He’s very private with his hiney goings ons. Of course this rule does not apply to our son, he is ALL boy 🙂

  11. Tina
    June 20, 2007 at 11:19 am (10 years ago)


    I have no problem doing it.

  12. Devilish Southern Belle
    June 20, 2007 at 12:15 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m the same way. My husband is absolutely disgusting with his, but this is just a habit I don’t think I’ll ever pick up, let alone be comfortable with.

  13. Karly
    June 20, 2007 at 8:25 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m the same way! I NEVER fart in front of my husband. Except, once. I farted on accident…while he was, um, down south. With his face. I farted in it. And then I blurted out “It wasn’t me!” like he wouldn’t know. After all, his nose was mere inches from my butt. He probably felt a breeze. I still blush thinking about that.

  14. Cate
    June 21, 2007 at 9:19 am (10 years ago)

    I let it all hang out in front of my hubby….I mean, if he can handle my inability to grow hair and my lack of eyebrows and eyelashes….he can handle a fart or two!

  15. kerry
    June 21, 2007 at 3:49 pm (10 years ago)

    Ha! Too funny! If you are a freak then I am a freak – I can’t do it either! And if I do by chance – he will roll on the floor laughing making it worse for me!

  16. eh
    June 21, 2007 at 5:18 pm (10 years ago)

    i so relate to your post. thank god i’m not the only freak.

  17. moosh in indy.
    June 21, 2007 at 8:23 pm (10 years ago)

    I have NEVER tooted in front of the hubs and he has NEVER tooted in front of me. We have NEVER left the door open when either of us has gone to the bathroom.
    And we’ve been married six years.
    You are not alone.

  18. rapunzel
    June 27, 2007 at 3:21 pm (10 years ago)

    I’m the same way! My boyfriend gently reminds me that he can hear me in the bathroom but I reply, that is an entirely different story! I am doing such things in the room in which they are intended! Harrumph!


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