Way back when I was pregnant with my oldest, I joined my first online message board for parents. The chats, the easy access to other moms; I was hooked from day one. It seemed natural to join another when I got pregnant with my second. Overall it was another good experience, not without a few bumps along the way, but worth the trouble in the end.

Then I got pregnant with my third. By this point I was 6 1/2 years older than when I started my message board journey, and considerably more experienced and dare I say, opinionated? While this was accepted as me being me in the other two communities, the third one was all about nothing but happiness to the point of being expected to have sunshine and rainbows beaming from your ass while sitting on a cloud of puffy hearts and fairy sparkles. Ummmm, yeah. Not me. After daring to disagree on some benign subject, I was promptly banned. And thus began my downward spiral.

For a long time I gave up on finding any new online boards. Everything I joined was either slow-moving or full of sunshine-blowers, and I’d get bored and move on. Pointless. So now recently as I am working on promoting my blog, I got the brilliant idea to join a couple new communities and meet new people. My only excuse is that having birthed three children, my brain is now slowly disintegrating and leaking out of any number of suspect orifices. Either that or previous experience has taught me nothing.

I had forgotten how utterly stupid people in internet land can be. I’m not talking like ‘lack of education stupid’, I don’t have a college degree myself. I’m talking about ‘why did they not sterilize you at birth???’ stupid. People who could convince even the most emphatic of pro-lifers that there should be a test of some sort required to reproduce. Last night in chatting with a couple of friends we got to discussing who we do and don’t like there, and this was my response. A litmus test if you will, to know if I like you or not.

*If you have ever posted asking if it is ok to let your 8 week old baby scream himself to sleep, I probably don’t like you.

*If you have ever posted complaining that your baby won’t hold his own bottle, I probably don’t like you. (When you are responsible for them for the next 18 years, you can take 10 minutes out of your busy schedule to feed them, asswipe.)

*If you truly believe it is ok to drug your dog, spank your dog, or lock it in a closet, I probably don’t like you.

*If you have ever used the words “YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!!” as a response to any post, I probably don’t like you.

*If you post talking about some stupid thing you did, yet start the post with “Don’t judge me, but…”, I probably don’t like you.

*If your ‘baby daddy’ has another child within a month of having one with you, and you are still with him(and likely bitching about the other mother), I probably don’t like you.

*If you gush and rave about how much you “love how we all get along here without any drama!!”, I probably don’t like you. In fact, I know I don’t, because the blinding glare of the sunshine rays shooting out of your butt is annoying.

Judgmental as heck? Yes, I am. I admit it. No worries, karma will get me. I’ll likely have a permanent scar from beating my head against the wall from reading all this drivel.

43 Comments on I Remember Now Why I Gave Up Mommyboards.

  1. Velveteen Mind
    April 28, 2007 at 2:37 pm (10 years ago)

    Oh good Lord.

    Why was I not invited to this discussion?

    Reply
  2. Annie
    April 28, 2007 at 4:38 pm (10 years ago)

    This is why I prefer reading blogs these days 🙂

    Reply
  3. Amanda
    April 28, 2007 at 4:42 pm (10 years ago)

    Funny enough, I found your blog through a mommy message board site 🙂 (You backed me on my response to a question about letting a 2-month-old cry herself to sleep….)
    I have to say, I laughed while reading this post because I too was recently banned from another mommy site. It was one that I joined when I was TTC, and lets just say that after I actually had a baby my outlook on a lot of things changed. How dare I even suggest that giving a baby water instead of breastmilk/formula (because, when you’re out shopping it’s a pain to stop & actually FEED A BABY) is NOT a good idea? Because you know, telling someone that feeding their baby cool whip and milkshakes at 6 weeks old is STUPID is being JUDGEMENTAL. Haha. If I had a dime for every time I heard the phrase “…bashing my parenting choices…” Yeah.
    I’m all for learning from each other & supporting each other as new moms, but you’re right – at some point the stupid just becomes too much…
    Sorry to ramble. Consider me a new reader of your blog 🙂

    Reply
  4. AbsolutelyBananas
    April 28, 2007 at 6:10 pm (10 years ago)

    Ok, don’t judge me, but…

    Hee hee couldn’t resist. I can’t believe you were actually BANNED from a message board… that is awesome. You should have a button (ala thinking blogger) for that.

    Reply
  5. Heather
    April 28, 2007 at 7:05 pm (10 years ago)

    Right there with you. Those are the same people I probably don’t like.

    Reply
  6. s@m
    April 28, 2007 at 7:26 pm (10 years ago)

    OMG… K, I just came here after lurking on a message board that I was a member of for two years. So weird.

    I totally agree about the blowing sunshine out yer ass. I can’t stand all that fake shit! That was one reason I left. Any time there was even the most remotely offensive comment it was deleted and the person was banned. Free speech my ass. It’s all about the Admin and Mods and what THEY want/like. Blogging is way more fun!

    Reply
  7. Toni
    April 28, 2007 at 8:25 pm (10 years ago)

    You don’t like me then. I only shit kittens and cupcakes. My whole world is ultra FABULOUS!

    I must go wash peanut butter outta my hair now. It’s there to get the gum out from my ‘perfect’ 4 yo.

    whiny voice….Don’t judge me….

    Reply
  8. Jamie
    April 28, 2007 at 9:28 pm (10 years ago)

    Yeah, I too prefer reading blogs now too. I got flamed by some psycho because she asked “What do you think of [insert lame name here]” and I was as polite as possible but not in agreement with her choice. (She asked right?) I never went back, I wasn’t banned, I just lost interest in total strangers rejecting me.

    Reply
  9. Annika
    April 28, 2007 at 10:50 pm (10 years ago)

    No message boards, no mommy groups, none of it. Ugh. It all makes me want to vomit.

    Reply
  10. Cakehead
    April 29, 2007 at 12:23 am (10 years ago)

    Ummm yeah, sunshine and flowers are great. As long as you don’t piss me off. Seriously though, there is drama even on the boards that ARE sunshine and cupcakes, I mean quite literally. I’ve seen drama on the cake board I frequent and is it wrong that I find it actually interesting? Am I a horrible person for that?

    Reply
  11. N...
    April 29, 2007 at 12:24 am (10 years ago)

    Being banned from a message board? You should consider that a TROPHY!

    Loved the post.. and the litmus test. 😉

    Reply
  12. Cris
    April 29, 2007 at 5:39 am (10 years ago)

    You don’t drug your dog?? Well, actually I don’t either… but I let my vet think I do because Valium is much cheaper through the vet than through my family Doc. Don’t judge me…

    Reply
  13. Cate
    April 29, 2007 at 7:48 am (10 years ago)

    Wow….we are so much alike! Well put!

    Reply
  14. Jennifer
    April 29, 2007 at 8:01 am (10 years ago)

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

    You pretty much summed up my experience with the SheBlows network.

    My first pregnancy (April 2003), I got sucked in big time. No one else I knew was pregnant, so I had no real support network. There was major drama on that board. There was a mass exodus to Ezboard (because of censorship and banning issues) and many of us drama ho’s left the sunshine blowing ass people on SheBlows.

    My second pregnancy, I thought to join SheBlows again, at least for information. Holy hell. I think most of my teeth fell out within the first 4 months.

    I’ve been banned from at least one board that I know of. For like, speaking my mind *shock* * gasp*. I wish I had really spoken my mind instead of sugar coated it. *sigh*

    Now, I’m addicted to blogs.

    Reply
  15. Mama Zen
    April 29, 2007 at 8:05 am (10 years ago)

    I don’t do mommy-boards. I can’t. I have a sensitive gag reflex.
    PLEASE, don’t judge me!

    Reply
  16. Andria
    April 29, 2007 at 8:43 am (10 years ago)

    I didn’t even look at any of those boards this pregnancy and I was much more relaxed about everything.

    Reply
  17. problem girl
    April 29, 2007 at 8:50 am (10 years ago)

    I recently had to stop posting at a forum for surrogates because I realized that every time I posted there my brain withered up and died a little bit. One person can only take so many chessy emoticons and 8 inch “siggys” before the snap.

    Reply
  18. Procrastamom
    April 29, 2007 at 10:18 am (10 years ago)

    OMG! I, like, totally can’t stand the board speak they use….LOL!!

    SO, DH, DS, DD, LOL, ROFLMAO makes my eyes bleed. Seriously, if you don’t want to use your “darling husband’s” real name at least make up a creative nickname for him. I’m sure he’s not such a darling when he’s demanding you get him another beer from the fridge, while you do all the housework and take care of the babies. Then you go on the message boards and leave threads like this:

    “OMG! How do I get my DH to help out around the house? We both work full-time, but he makes more money than me so I feel bad about asking him to spend time with our DS and DD while I cut the lawn and scrub the floors and lick his boots clean. WWJD?”

    Then all the geniuses come out of the woodwork and reply: “I don’t know what to do either but I’m sending {{HUGS}}”

    (barf)

    Reply
  19. crunchy carpets
    April 29, 2007 at 10:31 am (10 years ago)

    Lol..yeah..I did all that too..I am actually still on one board and have made real life friends from it..but do stay away from some of the more ‘controversial’ subjects as I have been told by the mods that I am on the shit list and my next infraction will have me banned.

    The other baby site I was on I hardly used the baby stuff and focused on the general news and views stuff because it was fun getting the dorks all riled up over politics and so on!

    Reply
  20. Mammaloves
    April 29, 2007 at 11:01 am (10 years ago)

    Yeah, you’re my kind of woman!

    Reply
  21. Jennifer
    April 29, 2007 at 12:37 pm (10 years ago)

    Oooh, this is a good one, Sara.

    It’s probably why I hate most babycenter message boards. Too much fluff. Too much fake shit.

    Blogs are so much more true.

    Reply
  22. mcewen
    April 29, 2007 at 2:24 pm (10 years ago)

    Not that I know for sure what a ‘sunshine blower’ is, but the rest of you piece seemed far too familiar. I tried the chat rooms for a while but I never made much progress – but that could be because it was too technically challenging for someone with as tiny a brain as me.
    I’m happier with the blogs. Know where you are with them.
    Cheers

    Reply
  23. Csara
    April 29, 2007 at 3:07 pm (10 years ago)

    This is very very funny!!! I got into message boards at ultimate wedding (like 8 years ago) when I was getting married, but hated it after a while for all the reasons you mentioned. I got BANNED too. hahaha! Well, I ended up starting my own wedding board, which also turned annoying as hell so I had to close it and started a baby/mommy board (about 5-6 years ago) when I wanted to get pregnant. We closed it for a couple of years (same annoying shit going on), but decided to reopen it shortly before getting pregnant with my son.

    ANYWAY, I really enjoy the concept of message boards b/c of the ability to converse with so many people on a gazillion different topics, but can’t deal with all the “sunshine blowing” OR all the drama. I *hate* drama and I think b/c my site has been around for a long time and there aren’t 10 million people on it that it is a good balance. I’ve learned to just not get too personal and too involved with people’s lives.

    That being said, I LOVE reading blogs and have quickly become very addicted to them. I like blogging too, but it’s kind of a weird transition for me. Also, due to the fact that people can’t comment on my blog unless they register on the forums, none of the other mom bloggers ever comment so it’s been difficult to branch out/make myself known/get involved in the whole blog community thing. ANYWAY, sorry for the novel. Just sharing my experience.. 🙂

    Reply
  24. MamaLee
    April 29, 2007 at 6:11 pm (10 years ago)

    AMEN sista.

    Reply
  25. pinks & blues girls
    April 29, 2007 at 8:44 pm (10 years ago)

    Love, love, LOVE this post! So true!!

    Not to mention hilarious!

    Reply
  26. Donna/Nesting Momma
    April 29, 2007 at 9:54 pm (10 years ago)

    oh- My life is all sunshine and roses….ha I started blogging only 6 months ago and love reading blogs and leaving comments so…I thought I’d venture out to a message board…..One day was enough…I had an opinion and it wasn’t about what to do with my baby….I was pretty much told to stay out of our “clique”buybuy chatter…I kind of want to go back just to piss them off but I’m too sunshiney for that. I’m sticking with blogs for the most part.oh that’s what DH means…..I couldn’t break the code. A big Amen

    Reply
  27. Diane
    April 29, 2007 at 10:53 pm (10 years ago)

    ((hugs))

    hhehehehehee

    Reply
  28. Iris
    April 30, 2007 at 4:05 am (10 years ago)

    OMG!!!! the mommy board drama!!! I always amazed at how there were certain people you could NOT at all disagree with because you would be blasted with eternal flames of hell. And then there was the weird mommy who dressed and smelled kinda funny that EVERYONE would disagree with just to see her cry…….ugh. There was so much grammar school politics it was enough to make you scream. I left the last mommy board I belonged to back in 2005….and no, I did not leave the often obligatory “I am leaving this board now because of x,y, and z” post, only to go back and lurk to see what people put in response to my leaving. I left cold turkey….never to look back…..quietly disappeared……I am not sure if even now, they know I have left.

    Reply
  29. Iris
    April 30, 2007 at 4:16 am (10 years ago)

    Procrastamom, by the way, in my case, DH usually meant “dick head” not “darling husband”…….UGH! BARF!!

    Reply
  30. moodswingingmommy
    April 30, 2007 at 4:53 am (10 years ago)

    Suburban Oblivion, I think I love you!

    I too have the dubious honor of been BANNED from a parenting message board. I have to say that the pregnancy support boards are the most painful…”Ooh, I just ate a ham sandwich. Did I hurt my baby?”

    Ah, messageboards, so much bloggable material all in one place!

    Reply
  31. Rhonda
    April 30, 2007 at 5:27 am (10 years ago)

    I too have been banned from a mommy board, *hanging head* in shame, because the raging psycho hose beast who ran it felt she owned the kingdom and the internet. Did I mention the amount of porn, viruses and emails I received in my inbox for months afterward? To this day, this woman still cruises the ‘net, hunting down those of us who “dared” leave….. and to think I once it took it seriously….

    I still belong to one mommy board and it’s about to drive me over the edge. I’ve never seen so many helpless women in my life! I swear they can’t take a dump without “consulting the board” first. Get a life and get a grip!

    Love the blog. Thanks Iris for sending me over!!!

    Reply
  32. Jamie
    April 30, 2007 at 6:19 am (10 years ago)

    I’m still laughing at Procrastamom’s response.

    Reply
  33. coolbeans
    April 30, 2007 at 8:37 am (10 years ago)

    Being banned is fun!

    I admit to loving the message board drama just a wee teensy bit, though.

    Reply
  34. Deborah
    April 30, 2007 at 9:57 am (10 years ago)

    Ooh ooh me too me too!

    I got banned from a SAHM board for not agreeing with everything the psycho owner said… and I’m so glad because since then I discovered blogging and have learned so much and met some amazing people.

    Don’t worry about it… you’ve got quite the fan club here! 🙂

    Reply
  35. Busy Mom
    April 30, 2007 at 12:21 pm (10 years ago)

    Never been to one, don’t intend to, now!

    Reply
  36. Anissa
    April 30, 2007 at 6:09 pm (10 years ago)

    I can’t rant on my blog because my blessed in-laws found it! So I take that opportunity to do it in the comments section of other people’s blog!

    Reply
  37. Tina
    May 1, 2007 at 8:21 pm (10 years ago)

    I loved this blog.

    Very honest.

    Could have written it myself.

    2 thumbs up

    Reply
  38. Race Mom
    May 2, 2007 at 8:48 am (10 years ago)

    Hmmm. It all makes perfect sense to me now. Our opinions are very similar. After doing eBay boutique items for six years and all the glorious message boards that goes with it, this is probably why the upper echelon queens of couture won’t come within spitting distance of me. There is a rumor that there is even a black ball list out there in cyber-space. That’s fine. The black ball shields me from the glare of the sunshine shooting out of their butts.

    Reply
  39. Melissa
    May 2, 2007 at 1:17 pm (10 years ago)

    “the third one was all about nothing but happiness to the point of being expected to have sunshine and rainbows beaming from your ass while sitting on a cloud of puffy hearts and fairy sparkles.” LMAO!!!

    I hear you though…if you want to open your eyes to the idiocy of the world, a birth board is the place to go. Turning babies forward facing at 5 months bc its “cute” to see them sitting like their big brother or asking for cio advice for their 4 week old baby. My FAVORITE was when a girl on my July board for Elise started her daughter on solids at 1 month old (including baby food) and told everyone she knew what she was doing bc she did the same thing with her son. A month later she was posting, asking for advice about the reactions her daughter was having to solids. *Shaking head* I would avoid the whole scene altogether, but its kinda like a car wreck; the more aggravating the title of the post, the more I HAVE to look and need to respond!

    Reply
  40. Summer
    May 3, 2007 at 9:58 am (10 years ago)

    I’m only a member of 1 mommy board, and I love it. There’s no stupidity allowed, and if someone posts something that makes me want to rip my hiar out we are more than allowed to call them out on it. Everyone is intelligent, opinionated, and sassy.

    Of course I had to go through a few dozen crappy boards to find this 1 good one, but at least I’m happy now. LOL You might like it. c2pp.com

    Reply
  41. jeanie
    May 10, 2007 at 6:12 pm (10 years ago)

    ha ha ha – I am, I admit, a member of several message boards but have never had all that sort of crap happen – I obviously don’t go to the right ones!

    Reply
  42. jeanie
    May 10, 2007 at 6:14 pm (10 years ago)

    Oops – gotta add that they were not strictly Mommyboards – more single mother ones – too busy digging ourselves out of the ditches to dis on the sisters, perhaps?

    The worst thing I have ever seen on a board is one woman’s ex and his wife stalked her – online – and then tried to sue the board owner when they were banned (about 20 times – you’d think something would click on the “oh, they have worked out who we are from the ISP” front)

    Reply
  43. Christy
    February 27, 2008 at 12:48 pm (10 years ago)

    HA! I was just wondering about why all mommy boards eventually implode or splinter… thinking about why I am falling out of love with them, too. I literally did a Google search for “mommy board drama” and found you. I can’t wait to read more. 😉

    Reply

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