I was so pleased because I lost a pound and a half last week. Then this morning I step on the scale, and did that wide-eyed, hands to my face, horror movie scream. I have gained TWO AND A HALF POUNDS IN A WEEK. My heart was racing, and I went into total denial. This can’t be right! Damn scale must be off. I stepped off, reset it, and stepped back on. Same answer. Stepped off, stepped back on. Same answer still. As many times as I stepped off and on that scale it should have counted for a good five minutes of a step aerobics class, no? But it kept giving me the same answer. I think I even caught it rolling its eyes at me the last time I stepped down. And I know I heard it mutter “Shouldn’t have ordered that pizza last week!” as I left the bathroom. I hate smartass appliances.

Still in denial, I walked to my closet and pulled out my favorite jeans. They at least were nice enough to not laugh at me as I unsuccessfully attempted to button them. So here I am, back in my sweatpants again. I am hereby boycotting Domino’s. For real this time.

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