Month: July 2006

I Don’t Get Paid Enough For This.

My husband and I are currently having one of those fights-that-are-not-a-fight. I hate them. I prefer to just bitch at each other till the issue is resolved, but he just gets quiet when he gets mad, and every so often we have to do it his way. Thus the resulting not-quite-a-fight. If you’ve never had one, its like you are mad at each other, but not mad enough to actually yell. You just walk around avoiding eye contact and only speaking to each other when you have to. Eventually the tension leaves, but not before I seriously consider scrubbing the toilets with his toothbrush.

Tonight’s fight-thats-not-a-fight topic is my job as a stay at home mom. We are apparently not in agreement as to exactly what my job entails. Basically he thinks I am to be his personal servant, and I highly disagree, mostly because I am already the personal servant to 3 kids, and don’t really have time to take on a 4th customer at this point in my career. Once I start making enough money to hire an assistant, we’ll see, but as it stands right now this job pays peanuts. The short version of it all is that I am in the middle of one of my *real* stay at home mom duties, and as he walks by asks me to put a pack of Gatorade in the extra fridge for him. Normally I don’t blink at this kind of request, but this time I did because he was walking towards my daughters room when he asked. Meaning he’d have to walk through the laundry room. (See where this is going?) And yes, he would have to pass by the extra fridge to get there. But he needs me to put the drinks in there. Why you ask would I stop unloading the dishwasher to go follow him and put them in a room he is already passing through? Are his arms broke? Are his muscles sore from all the manly work he’s done today(cut the grass on a riding mower)? Is he too exhausted to stand and is about to go straight to bed?? No. His answer as to why he couldn’t do it- “Because I’ve already passed by the counter where they are sitting! I’d have to go back for them!” As he is explaining this to me, he is only about 3 feet away from the Gatorade. He wouldn’t have to take more than 2 steps back to pick them up. But apparently that’s two steps too much. So I do what any rational woman does, and tell him he is being lazy and can get them himself.

You’d have thought I cut the cord on the man’s Xbox.

If you’ve never seen a grown man throw a tantrum, picture an 18 month old who’s told he may not have the remote sitting on the table. It begins with sputtering about all the hard work he is doing(installing a program on a laptop he’s about to sell..clicking those buttons are hard work ya know!), moves to the work he has done today(cut the grass and sorted through the toys on the patio), and ends with him picking up the Gatorade, slamming it into the fridge, and slamming the fridge door behind it. At this point I fully expected him to throw himself down on the floor and maybe slam his head on the carpet a few times for full effect.
So after all this I get to thinking about my Official Stay at Home Mom Duties, and since I seem to have lost the handbook, I go and look online. Gotta love the internet. Someone has actually come up with a way to calculate your paycheck as a stay at home mom based on where you live! Breaking it down, my pay was just over $103k a year.

Given that I work 14+ hours a day as a mom, and am on-call 24/7 including weekends and holidays, it doesn’t seem like much. Then again maybe also because I am not considering the hours spent dealing with my husband’s tantrums in addition to the usual ones. Would I get paid overtime for that you think??

When the Going Gets Tough, the Tough Call Domino’s.

Nothing says “Rise and shine!” quite like waking up to a dog with an upset stomach, and its former contents all over your living room rug. I’ll spare the details, but I will say the smell of dog crap is not easy to get out of a rug, and I just didn’t appreciate the joy of pre-8am steam cleaning like I probably should.

The day just went from there- crabby kids, dog running in and out, and culminated in a roast that I was supposed to cook for dinner but forgot to defrost till this morning. No problem, I have a microwave! Thank goodness for modern technology. So I get ready to nuke it, and realize I have no aluminum foil to cook it in once it is defrosted. Greeeaaaaattttt. But hey, I have an answer to everything. I pop online, and in a few clicks have 3 pizzas and a 2 liter of coke scheduled to arrive at my door 10 minutes before hubby gets home. I figure if there was a day I deserved a break, this is it.

Today’s PSA

If the bottom of your dishwasher door suddenly starts spewing like the prom queen after a kegger, open it up and make sure the hose to the top rack sprayer is attached.

Just a note from your friendly neighborhood domestic goddess who is so pleased she fixed it WITHOUT having to call the hubby! 😀

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